Should i just give up trying to wean toddler?

[User24689]

I have posted about my DS before, as he has always been a terrible sleeper. In summary - never took a bottle or dummy, needed to be fed back to sleep many times a night, went through long phases where wake ups were hourly.

He is now 16 months. He is still breastfed even though I have wanted to stop since he was 10 months. I have managed to cut out all daytime feeds by walking him to sleep in the buggy for his nap and he hasn't seemed to miss bf in the day at all. He never asks for milk, to him it seems to literally just be a tool to get him to sleep at night.

About a month or 2 ago I hit rock bottom with the hourly wake ups and took him to an osteopath, as well as calling the 'sleep' person at the health visitor service. The osteopath reckoned there was a lot of tension in his neck down one side so we did 4 sessions with him over 4 weeks. The health visitor was at a bit of a loss and suggested I try cutting the bedtime feed to see if falling asleep in the cot would help him feel less reliant on me when he woke throughout the night.

I cut the bedtime feed by placing him in the cot and rubbing his back until he went to sleep (either I did it or my DH). He cried a bit the first 2 nights and then started going to sleep this way without any fuss and sleeping SO much better. We were down to 2 or sometimes 1 wake a night. The HV thought this was due to him falling asleep in the cot and the osteopath thought it was down to his treatment! We didn't care as we were finally getting sleep!

This lasted about 10 nights and we are now in a worse position than before. out of nowhere, he started to resist the new bedtime. We have persevered, but it's been 2 weeks and he absolutely loses his shit at bedtime. The sight of the sleeping bag sets him off and he cries hysterically while thrashing around the cot. So I get him out and cuddle him/ rock to sleep while he cries and cries. Last night it took over an hour. He is, again, waking about 5 times a night but is now getting less sleep because it takes him so long to go to sleep. Last night he slept 8pm to 5am with 5 wake ups, about 2 hourly. My 3 yo didn't go to sleep til 8.30 because she was kept awake by him crying, so she's getting less sleep too.

My husband reckons we need to persevere but I'm seriously considering just going back to feeding him to sleep at bedtime again and accepting he isn't ready. The other option is I cut out all milk completely all night long (wondering if he is confused by no milk at bedtime but milk in night?) But I'm terrified that will result in hour-long rocking sessions several times a night!

Anyone have any ideas/ words of wisdom? Shall I just keep feeding until he self weans?

Could it be something else? Molars? Ear infection (especially if bedtime is the only time he lies flat due to naps being in he pushchair?). A preemptive calpol before bed tonight?

Thanks for your reply. I will try that. I hadn't considered he was in pain from anything as he is perfectly happy during the day and it has been going on for a while. But worth a go, as you have a point that it is happening when he lies flat.

Teething and or a cold on the way? That always messes with my DD. I fed my DD at night on demand (and still do occasionally when she’s ill) and that’s still how she goes to sleep (plan to change that in the summer). But illness etc aside she very rarely wants a feed at night any more (she’s nearly 2.5) and is capable of sleeping through.

I may not be being very helpful, but just wanted you to know that whatever you chose there is light at the end of the tunnel. I didn’t feel like I could give up night feeds (DD had severe obstructive sleep apnoea and while we were waiting for her surgery it was basically the only way to calm her back to sleep when she would wake up suffocating) and thought that keeping them going so long would mean she would never sleep through. It wasn’t true at all.

Get through this phase however you need to (calpol in case of teeth, feeding if you want to, or sticking with routine), it won’t be going back to the beginning

Probably clutching at straws here, but have you considered changing his sleep environment to get a fresh start. My son absolutely hated the sleeping bag so we put in one with legs around that time which made a huge difference.

Thanks for your suggestions! I tried Calpol, made no difference :(

I will look into a different sleeping bag! I thought about going with a proper bed/ duvet set up but as he is only 16 months thought he might be too young?

Last night I didn't get him down til 8 and he then woke every 1.5hrs until 3.45 when he was up for the day. Surely this can not be enough sleep for him!!

Can't even get DH to help because now when he takes him out of the bedroom in the morning to give me more sleep he just screams. Totally loses it. So I have to deal with him because otherwise we'll have both kids up.

Not sure how I'm still functioning after a year of such terrible, terrible sleep!

Hmm. I wasn’t clear if he was getting milk at night. That would be confusing. I would have fed at night, with a story etc so he didn’t fall asleep on the boob and then no milk at all till the morning. You can offer water in a beaker if he’s thirsty.
And then rub his back etc. What is his self soothing mechanism when he is upset? DS2 has a miserable piece of muslin that he sleeps with, DS1 had a dummy.

Hi Potol. I think it's confusing too. This is what the HV advised, she said cut one feed out at a time so encouraged me to work on getting him back to sleep at the first wake up without a feed as the next step.

He has no other comfort mechanism, that's the problem. Never taken a dummy. Tried introducing comforters, no interest. He feeds and pulls my hair, both of which I'm desperate for him to stop. He doesn't seem to get comfort from anything else.

We currently live in a small flat and my 3yo insists on sleeping with her bedroom door open so noise really travels. Also have a child free professional couple living in the flat underneath us who have complained about him crying before :(

Feel totally trapped in this situation. I swing between considering booking a week away and just cold turkey weaning him or giving in and continuing to feed him 8 times a night until he's ready to wean on his own!

Just noticed the bit about about him lying flat. Has he been investiagted for silent reflux?

He hasn't, but then I don't think he has any other symptoms of it other than crying at night? He doesn't cough, has always fed well etc.

I have wondered for the last few months if I should take him to see a GP just to see if there is anything physical to explain it but worry they would just tell me some babies don't sleep and be annoyed for wasting their time!

Oh you poor thing! That sounds like such hard work. My daughter was a terrible sleeper too and the only thing that has improved her sleep has been her stopping breastfeeding. I tried cutting feeds down at night (had managed easily during the day) but I think it just confused her as she never knew when it was coming. It took a few weeks after stopping bf for her to start sleeping through and a couple of months on she often wakes once or so a for a quick drink of water or a cuddle but things are SO much better. I agonised about what to do for ages as just couldn't bear upsetting her and taking away something that comforted her. In the end breastfeeding stopped suddenly for a medical reason and she is fine! She is the same lovely child, in fact she's happier as she's getting more sleep. I miss feeding her but I am happy to be having decent nights now, it was a long time coming! She was 15 months when she started sleeping through. Every baby and situation is different so I can't say what will work for you but this has been our experience. Wishing you some sleep soon!

This sounds like my DS up to 18 months. He was getting so little sleep (as was I), up every hour or two wanting to feed.
At my wit's end, I followed the Jay Gordon method, not thinking for one second it would work. But it did! I spent two days saying to DS that "we don't have mummy milk at night now" and getting him to agree with me. He was old enough to understand. The first night he cried a bit but no actual sobbing or prolonged crying. The second night, he slept through for the first time since before the 4 month sleep regression when it had all started.
Good luck op