Not really sure where to put this - concerned about DH and DS3's sleeping (or lack of) habits.......

[fannyannie]

at night. ATM DS3 simply won't go down for a sleep in the cot for me - I can usually get him down in his carrycot - but this isn't always guaranteed. On the other hand DH has great success at getting down in the cot.

Atm DS3 sleeps (roughly) 8.30-11.30 (usually in carrycot downstairs as I put him down - dh still at work then) , then settles to sleep in the cot around 1am (DH does the feed before it and gets him down). He then wakes up again at around 3am and DH gets up and sorts him out. He's usually then up around 5am at which point I get up, take him downstairs and either breastfeed him while cosleeping on the sofa (combination of deep enough sofa and fairly skinny me makes it possible) or give him a bottle and put him in the carrycot (which lives downstairs as I can't managed to get it up and down the stairs without tipping it at dangerous angles.

The agreement DH and I have is that anything after 4.30am is my 'turn' before that he'll sort him.

We're both quite happy with it (I'm not really an 'early bird' but I'm adapting fairly quickly). It does mean that after a long night (ie last night where DS3 was wide awake from 2am until 5.20 !) DH can have a bit of a "lie-in" - and most importantly some sleep.

HOWEVER, I'm starting to get worried about him getting tired. Now before you all say "well you're tired too" etc etc - his job involves LOTS of driving - when he's not doing visits he's driving between the addresses (about 60-80 a day) so basically spends most of his "working day" at the wheel. Often even once he's officially finished at 9pm (so driving in the dark lots too) he can still have up to 1hr drive home.

Obviously driving while tired isn't very clever - but I just can't see a way around it?? I'm sure there's solution so that he at least gets a few "unbroken" nights sleep a week but my mind has gone blank. Any wonderful ideas of how we can resolve it???

Can DH sleep on the sofa for the odd night? Not a long term solution I know but could allow him to catch up a bit.

How old is DS3? Does he still have a nap during the day? Do you work?

DH is too tall to sleep comfortably on the sofa (I'm a short ar*e too so I can fit easily) and it's also not very good for his back (which he does suffer with - he claims only a little but I see him sneaking painkillers out of the medicine cabinet more often than he thinks I do ).

DS3 is 6 weeks old, so yes - lots of naps during the day, and I'm on Maternity leave so am here all day with him.

Until about 2 weeks ago DH was sleeping on the (just as uncomfortable as the sofa) sofa bed in the spare bedroom (everynight!). He claims he's ok with the current arrangments but I AM worried about him being tired

Hey fannyannie, sorry to take so long to come back to you...
6 weeks, eh? It actually sounds like you're doing quite well ! Though I can really understand you being concerned for your DH with all that driving. That sounds hard. TBH I don't really know if I've got any sensible suggestions for you, especially as you have three children and I have only the one. However, with that profound breadth of experience I have (ho ho) I'd say to use the day time naps to encourage him to sleep in the cot, and to avoid always cuddling him to sleep. However, he's only 6 weeks and that seems a little early for any sort of controlled crying, even for a hard and callous woman like me (I do tend to advocate it on here quite a bit ). I'd also want to avoid getting into the habit of sleeping with DS on the sofa, though I guess you know that. Sorry, don't know what else to suggest!

I haven't got any suggestions unfortunately, but feel the urge to say: You do know that sleeping on the sofa with a baby is a big risk factor in SIDS? I am a big big fan of co-sleeping, but I would never do it on the sofa.

Hope you don't mind me saying.

how is sleeping on a sofa a bigger risk than sleeping in bed?? I'm genuinely interested - as I was more concerned about it when he was in our bed with me (worried about duvet flipping over onto him and him overheating or me rolling onto him as I sleep much deeper in bed etc) than on the sofa.....

Obviously if it is a huge risk then I'll have to stop - but then it would also (sadly) mean that one of the few remaining breastfeeds he gets a day will stop too as I can't bf him and then put him down (whereas I can if he has a bottle .

You are on maternity leave- is it possible that you could take over the getting up at night completely so your dh doesnt have to. I appreciate you have other children to look after too, and that you too need your sleep, but if he is on the road all day its really not very safe for him to be sleep deprived.
Are there other ways he could help you out? such as he baths and beds the children whilst you have a early night?-enabling you to get up in the night after having some decent sleep?

fwiw I used to go to bed at 6,7,8pm during the first couple of months if I felt I needed to, exactly for this reason.

the problem is that I can't get DS3 to sleep in his cot - he'll only sleep in his carrycot and even then makes quite a lot of fussing (not really crying - but lots of other 'noise') - which is downstairs - so I'd end up sleeping ont he sofa until further notice! I also can't manage to carry it up and downstairs so we'd be stuck down there..

He can't bath and bed the children as he works from 1.30pm (sometimes a bit earlier) until 9pm - and is rarely home before 9.45/10pm. So not much of an early night there really .

Last night wasn't too bad (for DH) - DS3 woke up at 12.30, and settled again at 1.30 - then when he woke up at 4am I jumped out of bed and grabbed him quick before DH had a chance too and I was amazed to see DH downstairs just before 9 this morning!! Assuring me that he'd had a fairly decent sleep so got up "to help me out" (ARGGHHHHHH - I know I should be grateful - but I hoped he use the opportunity of me taking the DS's to church to have a peaceful lie-in)...

just want to say our ds was a dreadful sleeper, never ever slept, and me and dh were both totally sleep deprived.

my mum babysat one night so we could go out for a meal; on the drive home i was talking to dh and noticed he hadnt answered my question, i quickly glanced at him and he had nodded off.......next thing i knew, the car had crashed into a lamppost and i was flung forward and cut my head open on windscreen (stupid woman that i am didnt have seatbelt on )
The car was a write off- and dh was dragged to police station on suspicion of drunk driving, although he hadnt touched a drop.

I'm all for fair shares of night wakings, but given your dh's job involves so much driving, I'd be very worried about him being sleepy in the day. Could you insist he stays in bed and DOES NOT get up until 11 or something, or do the kids make it too noisy?

I'm afraid co-sleeping on the sofa is a big risk for SIDS, yes -easy for baby to be squashed between you and the cushions IIRC. Could dh move the carrycot upstairs when he comes home and bring it down in the morning?

why do you think you can put him down in the carrycot but not the cot? could you try putting the carrycot inside the cot?

edam - I'd love to try and insist that he stays in bed until later in the mornings - and although he does have a longer sleep in the mornings I know for a fact he wouldn't stay in there much past 10am no matter what I said (or did ).

When we sleep (or should I say he sleeps, I nap LOL) on the sofa - I sleep with him on the 'outside' with him in the "nook" of my arms so he can latch himself on easier - and to stop him falling off the sofa. But I guess if it's a high risk factor I should definitely stop.....I may try giving him a breastfeed and then an ounce or two from a bottle to get him to settle in his carrycot while I sleep on the sofa.

Even if DH takes the carrycot upstairs when he gets in from work - I'd still have to figure out how to get it downstairs (and back upagain) during the night - he really does "fuss" around a lot before falling asleep when I put him in there (think little piglets ) - I guess I could always sleep on the sofa until he's sleeping longer at night....

Puppy - I have no idea why he'll not sleep in the cot for me I guess he's knows what he likes and has my stubborn streak - can't put the carrycot in the cot for the above reasons (I can't carry it up the stairs without nearly tipping him out - not to mention banging it off the side of the walls and making enough noise to wake the dead ).

After having said all that had a chat with DH about it today and he's assured me that although he has been feeling tired he'll simply take the day off (he's lucky that they're 'flexible' hours he works) and make up the hours later in the week if he's really exhausted. He's lucky that they're 'flexible' hours he works so as long as he works his 37.5 hours a week he can they can be over teh weekend or even full days. I questioned him as to whether he really would do that and he reminded me that beginning of last week he took the day off as he'd had long night with DS3.

Mind you there's one thing to be said for it - DH and DS3 are bonding really well - and I guess part of that is down to having anything up to 2-3hrs alone with each other (anyone who remembers DH's initial reaction to me being pg with DS3 will understand why this is a big thing for me.

Thanks for all your reponses though

Can you get another carrycot for upstairs so you don't have to take it upstairs?

Otherwise it looks like you'll have to do some more of the night duties in the interests of safety, I work in an environment where we do lots of driving and driving when tired increases your risk of having an accident quite significantly so you're sensible to be worried.
I bet most chaps wish they had a wife as thoughtful, you and dh sound like lucky people to have each other.