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Original poster

Pick Up Put Down - Hysterical

28 replies

Abigail333 · 28/02/2019 15:35

What am I doing wrong?
I have started PUPD and I’m having to give up after an hour or bruises and bite marks with my 6mo
It starts well, she’s almost asleep, eyes are partially closed, looks like she’s very sleepy
Then I put her down and that’s when tantrums happen. By the end of it I’m in tears with hair pulled out, scratches down my face and yesterday was a bite mark

I put her down like advises, she cries, I wait a moment, if no change, I offer to pick up which she always wants
I pick up, keep uttering the phrase “it’s sleepy time” and she becomes hysterical
Sometimes she calms down, I put her down she starts again
Sometimes she won’t stop crying - again out down she becomes a million times worse
I don’t rock, white noise is on, sometimes I take a couple of steps round the room but the longer I do it, the worse she gets till she screams - full blown screaming

Atm I’ve spent 45mins of punches etc and I had to give up and sit down because I was getting emotional but LO stayed in her crib and she just screams as if she’s in pain

Everything I’ve read and watches doesnt make it sound so horrific. I really wanted to avoid the cry it out method but it’s feeling just like that!

I spoke to hv - she said I sound like I’m doing it right but clearly I’m not.
I just don’t know what to do or to scrap this and just deal with no sleep training

OP posts:
LL83 · 28/02/2019 15:39

How long are you putting her down? I left dd 2 minutes but had to time it because after 10 seconds I felt it was time to go back in. It's awful when they are crying. But once it worked 6 mins and dd was asleep. And only 2 nights until she went to sleep without crying.

My dd was a bit older though, might be different.

Original poster
Abigail333 · 28/02/2019 16:25

I sit and leave it for a minute or two, I stretch it out a bit longer each time but she just ends up wild
After this post was an hour of trying That it drained me and I was getting emotional

I’ve seen babies cry in the videos but not to the extent my LO is - im catching all her sleep cues so she’s not overtired but it’s as if this technique stimulates her

Wish you could just let them sleep in your arms without consequences but HVs keep telling me to sleep train 😪

OP posts:
FrozenMargarita17 · 28/02/2019 16:28

Gently, OP maybe try it again when she's a little bigger? She seems to be having quite a negative reaction to it and I wonder if it would be better for both of you to give it up for a bit?

How did you put her down before? Don't feel like you have to sleep train because HV says so!!

Original poster
Abigail333 · 28/02/2019 16:46

She goes down well lying in our arms, has a bottle the cuddles up and she’s out in 20mins
The only time I see this reaction is if we try to put her down too early but it just seems like such a severe reaction

We were warned by the HV in the past that LO was a “difficult baby” aka needs constant attention and her reactions can be pretty intense when she’s unhappy and that it might make sleep training harder but I just keep being told to “keep at it” 😪

OP posts:
Daffodil2018 · 28/02/2019 16:52

I don’t have any experience to draw on as my baby is still only 8 weeks, but all I’d say is that no one knows your LO like you do and just because the HV says you should sleep train doesn’t mean it’s the right thing. Trust your instincts. It sounds to me like it’s too soon and/or maybe this method is not right for you.

FrozenMargarita17 · 28/02/2019 17:05

Honestly, when dd was that age we just did whatever we could to get sleep. If you and she are happy to have a cuddle and bottle and she will go down easier that way I would.

Why on earth would your HV say she was a difficult baby? She sounds really unprofessional

FrozenMargarita17 · 28/02/2019 17:06

It seems a bit counter productive to spend hours trying to get her down when she will get upset and so will you when you can have a lovely cuddle and she goes off!

Sunshinegirl82 · 28/02/2019 17:15

I mean this really kindly OP (I drove myself mental with sleep stuff when DS was small) but if she goes down well after falling asleep with you I'd just leave it and go back to doing that to be honest. Why cause everyone the upset.

Unless you're desperate for sleep I would ignore the HV and park it for now. It's ok to trust your own instincts.

My DS needs loads of physical comfort around sleep, it's just who he is. At 6 months he was bf'd to sleep still. They get there in their own time in my view and trying to force them just creates a lot of stress for everyone.

moreshitandnofuckingredemption · 28/02/2019 17:15

I don't like the sound of your HV to be honest, sounds like her interventions are making things worse for you. I'd stick with your plan A of cuddle and bottle. Good luck

BendydickCuminsnatch · 28/02/2019 17:17

Aw she’s not tantrumming, that’s not possible at 6 months. Sounds soooo stressful OP by I’d definitely leave it until older. At that age we had some success with shh pat.

Mookatron · 28/02/2019 17:21

Why are you wanting to sleep train - genuine question, not snarky?

Original poster
Abigail333 · 28/02/2019 18:44

I was hoping to sleep train as LO is up several times a night - sometimes hourly sometimes 1-2 a night and then bright as a button at 6am so it is a biy tiring. Plus she’s very sensitive early morning so putting her down in the crib isn’t as easy as during the day and wakes very easily when she touches the mattress 😖

But I think I will keep with the working solution for now - I Can handle the cuddles for now and hopefully come back to it again in the near future. I just don’t understand HVs pressure that LO sleeps by herself but also agree, I hated that she called her difficult! She was an old fashioned HV who liked to speak her mind but LO might not be “easy” but it just makes her more interesting ❤️

OP posts:
LL83 · 28/02/2019 21:29

Sleeping training should be because it is best for your family bit pressure from HV. Do what works for you.

riddles26 · 28/02/2019 21:33

I sleep trained my eldest when 5.5 months using PUPD as we were in a terrible place where she was averaging 9 hours sleep in 24 (if that) and it was honestly nothing like you describe. She didn't get hysterical once, no lashing out, hitting, biting or scratching either. I don't blame you for not wanting to continue, there is no way I would be able to either :(

Either it is not the method for her or she's overtired from the beginning so already difficult to settle. You mentioned she is up regularly in the night - is this a problem for you? Are you coping with the sleep deprivation? How is she generally in the day? If she has short naps, are they frequent enough? If she is getting enough sleep (albeit broken) and is generally happy plus you are coping, I would be inclined to leave things as they are too

IggyPoppers · 28/02/2019 21:39

Naw. It's not working. The baby should t be getting that distressed. Do what works for the moment. It's all very normal (and really hard!) for them to be up a lot at night at that stage. I think you're going to have to back all the way off and give it month before trying again. I know it seems like it will never happen but they really do change so much in a short span of time.

I got in the cot with my last. She was just so hysterical. I spent a week crunched up in there with her until she felt ok about it and was falling asleep with me in it. Then I didn't do pupd I just bent over the cot and shushed and patted which is what I was doing in the cot.

NoMoreMonkeysJumpingOnTheBed · 28/02/2019 21:45

It's very easy for hv to give advice and command you to follow it, but they are not the ones living with the consequences.

I would go with whatever gets you the most sleep with the least amount of stress.
You know your baby best, if it's stressful for you both it's not working so don't try and bend your baby's will to what the hv tells you - baby's don't follow the book

Rubyduby26 · 28/02/2019 21:53

My almost 11 month old has just this week started putting himself to sleep and sleeping through most nights! He was rocked to sleep until recently and could of been up anywhere from 1-4 times through the night, and some wakeups have been as long as 4 hours Blush I have done nothing differently I haven't done any sleep training, haven't left him to cry or anything he just kept fussing and fighting when I was trying to get him to sleep one night so I put him in his cot and he rolled over and went to sleep I was Shock so my advice is if it's stressing you out, don't sleep train! Just do what you've got to do to get through and one day she will grow out of it! I know how tiring it can be, you are doing fab!

Original poster
Abigail333 · 28/02/2019 22:15

I “was” sleep deprived for a long time when 4m sleep regression hit - before she could sleep 11h through the night and the odd nap during the day.
I now have to go to bed at 9 to feel like I have enough sleep and me and OH tag team the wakenings but thankfully usually only takes 1h-1.5h to get her back down

Since 4msr she is always tired, showing sleep cues between 1.5-2h but she only sleeps 20-30mins and rarely have long naps but she’s never really napped

I’m hoping she grows into putting herself back to sleep but I think for both our sanities, we need a break from PUPD - it began so well this week then suddenly it turned extreme.
Thankfully I enjoy cuddles with LO so i can handle a few more months - would just love to get more than 2-3h sleep in a block 😂

OP posts:
Smoggle · 28/02/2019 22:23

Are you comforting her in the cot? Shushing, patting, stroking her etc?

Original poster
Abigail333 · 01/03/2019 09:19

Before PUPD no, I let her fall asleep in my arms

During PUPD I hesitated to pick up, I would lay my hand on her chest or back and repeat the phrase “it’s sleepy time” and did a few shhh but we have an Ollie Owl for white noise gently playing in the background

Doing normal naps today and trying to get LO to sleep in my arms but she’s now refusing, unsure if she’s still scarred withbthen PUPD 😩 been trying to get her down for over an hour now but thankfully no tantrums 😴

OP posts:
Original poster
Abigail333 · 01/03/2019 09:21

Oh and I didn’t rock before or during PUPD too (forgot to say)

OP posts:
Smoggle · 01/03/2019 12:15

I'd imagine you'd need to do ssh-patting in the cot to get her to transition to falling asleep there.

Lousab · 16/11/2021 13:37

Did you ever get a solution to this? I have exactly the same issues and he’s up every 45 minutes to an hour all night… can take between 1-3 hours to get him back to sleep. Tried PUPD and Pat and shh but he just roars and gets more and more hysterical and I just can’t. Similarly though I don’t think I can carry on as is as I’m living on 3 hours sleep a night and have literally no time to myself. Just on the edge of sanity and so exhausted

Lousab · 16/11/2021 13:39

Please can someone help… my Lo is nearly 5 months and he’s up every 45 minutes to an hour all night… can take between 1-3 hours to get him back to sleep. Tried PUPD and Pat and shh but he just roars and gets more and more hysterical and I just can’t. Similarly though I don’t think I can carry on as is as I’m living on 3 hours sleep a night and have literally no time to myself. Just on the edge of sanity and so exhausted… any advice is so welcome

minipie · 16/11/2021 13:48

Lousab you may want to start your own thread

My advice would be to do controlled crying as it’s the quickest way to teach self settling and self settling will most likely solve your problem. However others on MN are very against it especially before 6 months.

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