2 yo wakes for milk

[Sunisshining12]

I’m at my wits end. Our 2 yo started waking in the night for milk about a month ago. At first she just had a few ounces (cows milk) & I presumed it was because she was hot & poorly at the time, so went with it for a few nights.

But as the nights have gone on she’s consuming more & more. Last night she woke twice & drank a full bottle in total (300ml). She will wake between 1-4 times. Sometimes she will go back to sleep but other times she will cry & scream until she gets milk.

My OH has a 5am start & im really struggling getting up every night & working (I’m also pg so this needs sorting). He helps some nights but if it’s past 2am I go.

The problem is, she barely eats or drinks during the day. This has gone on for about a year. No matter what I cook, what plate it is, if others are eating etc etc she just refuses. I have every cup going and have tried different flavoured squashes diluted etc etc but she just refuses.

An average day would be:

1 weetabix with whole milk. Few raisons. Sometimes she will eat it all, sometimes only a few spoons.

Snack - I offer variety of fruit or a packet of crisps. She often eats the crisps but no fruit.

Lunch - examples include various pastas, chopped veg, various sandwiches on whole meal bread with various fillings, cheese, tomatoes, soup if colder out, beans on toast. She would eat 1/4 sandwich. Then a small yoghurt.

Afternoon snack - breadsticks, fruit, chopped up cheese are offered.

Dinner - usually whatever we are having but adapted to her/cut smaller. Eg last night spag Bol. Night before roast dinner. Hot dogs & salad. She might have a few mouth fulls. Homemade ice lolly or yoghurt after.

Bed - 1/2 bottle of milk

Juice & water offered all day but barely touched

If we go to a party or relatives house she will eat junk food. Biscuits, pizza, hot dogs, cakes anything crap she will eat lots of. But I try to limit at home because then she will always want it.

Her appetite was poor before the nighttime milk so I can’t blame that entirely. Although that won’t help matters.

I’ve offered porridge, bananas etc before bed. No!

What do I do?

Milk diluted over 3 days until Water only - she won't bother

Or just swap for water tonight and hold firm that 'we only have water at night'

Okay. Tonight is the night!

Good for you! Keep repeating to yourself- if she's thirsty - she will drink it. Good luck

Won’t kill her. We’ve had to go ‘cold turkey’ on a few things especially night time wakings so hopefully this will be over in a week!

Hi OP I have a similar issue with my 2yo so just wondering how night one went?! I need to be strong and do similar!

I have a 2 year old with similar food problems. We don't give milk at night or just before bed, she can have comfort, cuddles and water if needed but after her teeth have been brushed, she gets no milk until morning (and we never take milk upstairs). We told her before that change was happening and then stuck to it ever since.

She is offered a glass of milk (in open glass) when she wakes in morning and when she wakes after her nap. We don't otherwise offer it as she will get all her calories through milk alone if we allowed it

In terms of fussy eating, we have taken to the Division of Responsibility approach that paed dieticians recommend for extremely picky eaters. I know she has no underlying health or sensory issues - she is just picky when she wants to be (never at nursery). We now her what we are eating at every meal and all sit down together. It is her choice whether she eats or how much she eats but that is all she gets. She doesn't get something sweet everyday, only sometimes. For snacks, we also offer similar to you and if its a crisp day, once she finishes crisps, there's fruit or nothing. Its a long road to improvement but I can see small steps already

*We offer her what we are eating

Okay, update. She is waking 2-3 times screaming the house down begging for milk. I’ve told her milk gone/milk in morning & she has a fit that goes on for 1 hour +

Shall I just not go into her at all now? Not speak?

Part of me is worried she genuinely needs the fluid!

We have a 2.5 year old who always wants milk when he wakes in the night. We just give it to him, it didn't occur to me not to (not a criticism of you OP!) I think it's a comfort thing.

Can you leave a drink she can get unsupervised?

I'd maybe leave a lidded cup/ sports cup with a little water in it and tell her there's no milk, just water. Then you won't feel so bad if she is thirsty

Can you engineer it so that you visibly run out of milk before bedtime, make a big show of the empty bottle? Just to reinforce the 'milk all gone' thing?

As pps have said don't cave on the milk during the night - water only, also if it were me I'd bin the snacks during the day and just focus on the meals until she's eating properly

She’s filling up on milk at night because she’s not eating well. Stop the milk and gradually her food intake will increase. Be strong about this, it’s tough love but you are the parent and you know what’s best.

I leave water in there too in a lidded beaker. I don’t mind tough love just worried is she genuinely needing it seens as she drinks virtually nothing in the day? I’m really trying to increase her eating. This milk during the night is a new thing she slept fine until the past month

A friend of mine offered goats milk instead..
Kids stopped asking for it after a few nights

I previously diluted the milk with water but she still drank it. It’s not so much the milk that’s the issue, it’s the fact she’s waking every night 2-3 times & we have work. Plus she’s moody/tired in the morning.

She won’t even hold the bottle herself. So even if I leave a bottle with her she will still cry for me to give it her! It’s ridiculous! I don’t know why this suddenly started a month ago. Her eating habits have always been poor so that’s not anything new. She’s slept through the night solid since 6m. Where has this come from!

She’s crying now shouting mummy milk. Shall I just ignore completely? Or go into her & tell her no?!

@Sunisshining12 how did the rest of the night go? We have got into the same ridiculous habit with my 2 year old, but with squash, not milk.

She would generally sleep through but occasional wake once but now it is 2-3 times. I am also pg and my DH wakes at 5, or stays away 2 nights a week and it's just too much!

We can do this!!

Very rough night! I didn’t go into her just let her cry it out. She was banging and screaming milk. She couldn’t get up this morning for nursery. Hoping it will be over soon!

I don't know if I would have just left her. Could you not have gone in at regular intervals?

You have my sympathies. I was pretty sure my DD night waking was for company not food. But she was 'hungry'. So every single time I gave her exactly the same thing, a glass of water and something very plain, like a rice cake or oatcake. So, really only worth the effort of waking up for if you were actually hungry! No big chats, no play. Cuddle then settle back down.
Perhaps you need to explain calmly during the day that if she wakes up in the night she can have some water, but not milk anymore.

Ok so if she won't hold the bottle herself it's clearly not the milk she wants it's you! Be firm and try the supernanny method of go9ing in, no eye contact, just say bedtime now, time for sleep etc and repeat same words each time.

Of course you are worried that she's doing this to top up on food and drink that she's not getting the daytime but that's not really logical and is counter productive, if she drinks loads of milk in the night she'll be less hungry in the daytime. And as pp said good idea to reiterate when she has her bedtime milk that its the last milk now before breakfast, only water after this, no milk in bed etc. Then it's just perseverance, give it a few days and you'll hopefully crack it!