Considering co sleeping, advice please

[Valkarie]

Ds1 was as bad as it gets for sleeping, but got through it eventually and at 2.5 he was sleeping through the night and moved to his own bed/room. Never bed shared, nor wanted to.

Then ds2 was born and ds1 moved into our bed. I didn't want him to be even more jealous of the new baby sleeping in our room when he couldn't. Ds1 slept brilliantly for 6 months, then went through a massive regression to waking many times per night. Then he got ill and would only sleep propped up on me. He is now better, but wants to sleep on me with a boob in his mouth all night!

I go back to work in a few weeks and can't sustain this. Sleeping propped up is killing my neck /back. Trying to just cuddle him on me without boob results in screaming, longest I took to give in was 2 hours. I have had success a few times lying next to him with my arm over him.

If we move to co sleep, what would I need to do to make it safe? It is a king size bed, with me, dp and ds1 age 4 already in it. I would like to put ds1 to bed in cot to begin the night then bring him in when he wakes up, so if he does ever learn to sleep then he can stay there. I use a memory foam pillow for my back, so need to keep that. Help please!

Is DS2 using a dummy? I’d try that first. There are safe co-sleeping guidelines to be found online but I’m afraid they do say no other children in the bed. I’d be looking to get DS1 back in his own bed all night. Also no blankets or pillows near baby.

You’d definitely want to have them on opposite sides of you, not together as children sleep too deeply to cosleep safely with babies.

To me, it sounds like the best arrangement would be to have DS1 in the middle between you and DP and DS2 in a co-sleeper cot on your other side.

How old is DS1 now? From your post he sounds like he must be at least 3, is he open to bribery? Some sort of reward chart for going to sleep in his own cot, even if you then move him later?

Sorry to hear you’re in such a tiring situation, it sounds very uncomfortable for you! Is there any chance of DP taking the hardline with bedtime for a few days? I’m told it only takes 10 days to change a sleep habit......(although haven’t had the courage to try it myself!)