Non sleep trained children.....when do they sleep?

[Reedzoe]

Hi everyone! First time poster here looking for some advice please. I have a son who is now nearly 4, when he was a baby we sleep trained him using the Ferber method because he wouldn't settle in his own cot/room. It worked brilliantly and he became a great sleeper. Cut forward to now, I have a 9 month old daughter who is still in the side sleeper in our bedroom (only got a 2 bed house and don't want to put her with her brother until she sleeps well). I've tried Ferber method sleep training on her in the day for naps with some slight success, but don't know how I'm supposed to do it at night? Can't ignore her screaming when she's right next to me! Anyway, after a bout of illness we're back at square one, bf'ing her to sleep for naps and night sleep, often she wakes if I try to put her down. She's up 5-7 times per night, often just for comfort suckling. I don't see the point in sleep training her in the day if I'm giving her mixed messages at night by picking her up.

So my question is.....those mums who dont/haven't sleep trained their LO's, do they settle down at some point and start to sleep better? Did you do something else to teach some self settling? What does your daily routine look like? Basically when is the light at the end of the tunnel?? Thanks xxx

Can your son sleep in with you, and baby in his room so you can sleep train, if that's your preference? Or you and DH on blow up bed downstairs?

Thanks Katniss, hadn't thought about switching them out upstairs. Though I'm not sure these days how I feel about sleep training, especially with how easy it is for it to be derailed with illness/teething etc. Basically I'm really unsure about everything! Thought I'd have more of a clue seeing as tho I've done it once before 😂😂

I never sleep trained any of mine.

DC1 we set up an extremely strict routine of dinner, bath, bed when he was 10 months because he would previously only sleep on me, and after about a week he could be left in his cot to nod off and sleep through.

DC2 always just slept when I laid him down. At about a year he had a regression, i would rock him and lay him down just before he nodded off completely and eventually worked back to going to bed nicely by following the strict routine. Had a regression at 2 and now I lay with him till he falls asleep.

DC3, I have always just laid her down and she sleeps. The youngest 2 are 14 months apart so I had no time to hang around with her rocked or shushing etc.

So really I think is entirely luck of the draw. Some will sleep on their own, some won’t. Some respond to sleep training, some don’t. I found that I changed my expectation rather than trying to change their sleep pattern. When DC2 had a regression at 2, I tried to train him and it was so hard I just thought sod it and laid with him for 10 mins or so. It’s 10 mins of cuddles vs an hour of screaming and everyone being upset. I won’t be doing it forever.

As it stands now all 3 were definitely sleeping through by 1, with the oldest being the hardest and the youngest sleeping through from birth. Middle one has been up and down.

@IamPickleRick you say you didn't say you dc1 bit how did you get him to go down himself within a week??
My 11 month has never slept great but is currently up every couple of hours before wanting to get up for the day at 5am! 😴

I just did the same thing every night at exactly the same time. Not even a minutes difference. So by the end of the week he knew that after bath came bed. They don’t know the time after all and have no idea what’s coming next without prompts. So bath prompt meant sleep next.

It was something like :

6pm Dinner
6.30pm Bath
6.45pm Massage/story
7pm Lay down and night night

The first night he cried and we went in and laid him back down. By maybe the fourth night he messed about in there but didn't cry. And then eventually would just crawl to his cot ready for bed because he knew it was time. I don’t really think it has anything at all to do with what I did. I just think some baby’s sleep easier than others. Like adults. He would be up at the crack of dawn through, no matter what time he went to bed. 😣

OK thanks, did you feed him after bath before bed? Was he used to being put in the cot awake?
Currently my son breastfeeds to sleep at night but increasingly during the night if he wakes up he wants to feed a little bit and then turn over and gp to sleep (which he can't do while sitting on my knee.. Then he gets annoyed) but I can't keep going on only a couple of hours broken sleep. He screams if my husband lifts him during the night.. The only time we persevered for any length of time with that he screamed himself sick. For a while I had managed to cut down on breastfeeding at night and if he woke he was either rocked over (if he would allow it) or pushed in his pram until he was asleep then transferred to the cot and he was doing pretty well with that but now he is just coming out the other end of having a viral bug of some description where he hadn't been eating food so he was being breastfed on demand again to make up for the lack of solids so I feel like we are back to square one all over again. Except now with the refusal to go back to sleep after 430/5am which we didn't have before - he always slept until at least 630 usually 730

Thanks @iampicklerick I appreciate the reply and ideas of routine. I must admit our routine isn't as strict as yours was but we do have one, which I'll work on tightening up and will try to teach her the cues for bedtime that don't include me and boobs til she's fast asleep!! Today I fed her til very drowsy for her nap then tried to move her to the cot.....failed miserably as she woke as soon as her head hit the mattress and screamed. Tried to re-nurse her back to sleepiness but she wasn't having any of it. Ended up putting her in the carrier for a half hour nap while I got on with some housework. Not ideal but better than just sitting with her asleep on me (in as much as I got some ironing done!). Off out tonight so DH will be doing bedtime with expressed milk in a bottle. Sometimes that's more effective so here's hoping!!

I haven't done anything with either of my children, no strict routines either. DS was almost 2 when he slept through, DD is 10 months old and has done intermittently but usually wakes a few times. I'm considering doing a bit of gentle training when she is one x