Newborn and no sleep

[ClairParavel]

DD2 is 3 days old. From the get go she has hates being put down. I totally understand that she’s tiny and needs comfort etc, and during the day I’m happy to surrender to her need to just hold her when she sleeps.

However my issue is at night, she simply will not sleep put down in her cot, or in the bed next to me (I do this safely, with no blankets/pillows and curled in C shape around her as advised by the midwife). She’ll still only sleep in our arms but I am terrified of the risk of falling asleep while holding her- we have a two year old as well so we can’t just catch up on loads of sleep during the day. This isn’t sustainable. She just screams bloody murder when we try put her down- we don’t leave her, we comfort her, stroke/pat her etc but no dice. I have considered reflux and will probably take her to GP to rule this out but she doesn’t have any other symptoms that I can see. She’s a good eater though has a dreadful latch that I am constantly trying to correct, my nipples are in shreds and I’m considering changing to formula just to make one thing a bit easier!

Any advice on getting her to at least be able to cosleep next to me without having to Ben held?

Are you sure she is getting enough from each feed if latch isn't great? Are you getting decent wet/dirty nappies? I'm only suggesting this because my first baby cried all the time and was starving because he wasn't feeding well. Could you see the midwife a day early to check weight loss?

I know it's not recommended to have anything in the cot but the nurses on the children's ward showed me how to use a rolled up blanket to create a sort of nest?! Or perhaps try a loose swaddle? Just throwing a few ideas about.

Give her time, she's adjusting to a big scary world. Mine were like that and it's hell but it will get better.

Is she winded properly? DD2 wouldn’t settle unless scary single bit of wind was brought up.

Try and dummy? And if I was totally exhausted I would be averse to trying a bit of formula to see if it helps.

When you lie beside her in bed are you touching her at all? DD2 needed physical contact even when lying down during the newborn days. I guess she spent 9 months inside, she liked to know I was still there.

Could you try white noise?

Thanks both. She has both wet and dirty nappies- midwife did health check on day 2 and commented that her “real” poos, not just meconium were coming in already so I’m reasonably confident she’s eating enough but thanks for suggestion! Yep, think we’ll try do a swaddle too-I’ll think about the blankets thanks, I’m just so terrified of not following the guidelines and something going wrong (I do have anxiety as well.....)
It will get better is our mantra now lol-these newborn days seem so long ago with DD1, yet seem to last forever as you’re going through them!

No advice OP as I've only got DD1. Just wanted to say that I'm also at up with babe in arms as no other place is tolerable for her atm. Hope things get better for you soon

I have no further suggestions for you , but I just wanted to say that it's bloody hard with a new baby (plus other dc) , and that you're doing an amazing job.

Things will most likely settle down over the coming weeks , but until then is it possible to take shifts with the baby? I know the reality is probably that your partner has to work (and you're bf also) , but sharing the awake times is really the only sanity saver in the early weeks.

Congratulations btw

Try getting well into a sleep cycle before putting her down (and I would put her down next to you), so a good 20 minutes in. Swaddled, so that it is less of a shock, and it might help to run a hot water bottle over the mattress before you do it so that she isn't landing her head on something cold when she has been in your warm arms. This will pass, but it is bloody miserable to be in the thick of it.

Thank you all so much for replying. GlassyTaco, My husband did take her for a couple hours last night so I could grab some sleep, and now I’m doing same (luckily our eldest likes a lie in!). Yes Naboo good idea- possibly she’s not bringing up all wind- her sister was so good at that from the start that I may not be giving her much of a chance! We’ll def try swaddling and white noise and hot water bottle (just need to find it now!) When I’ve put her down next to me before I have been patting her tummy/curled up around her as much as I can to try reassure her she’s with me- I know she’s still so little. I think I had buried the memories of these tough first few weeks!
Sorry you’re going through this too WonkyDonk. I hope you’ve someone who can maybe take her for a couple hours today so you can rest?
Thanks all- just knowing people are supportive makes a heap of difference xx

You need a Sleepyhead

Both of my girls were like this. With DD1 it lasted until 4 weeks and I was sleeping in bed with her on my chest, propped up. I shudder remembering that. I don’t think it was clever but I was so tired. What changed it all was the Sleepyhead. We slowly transitioned her into that next to me in bed over 2 days before popping her next to me in her crib. It made a huge difference almost immediately.
DD2 wasn’t having the Sleepyhead at first so DP and I took it in 2 hour shifts, so we would get some sleep! Around 10 days old I got her to safely co-sleep but honestly I don’t feel safe like that so transitioned her into the Sleepyhead after that.

I think at 3 days you and your OH need to do shifts but keep trying safe co-sleeping. Also I wish someone would have told me this with DD1 and DD2. Safe sleeping guidelines are guidelines. A baby doesn’t know them. Our job as parents is to be as safe as we can. Sometimes you cannot follow things to the letter so you need to balance risks. Falling asleep with the baby on the sofa accidentally is far more dangerous than a Sleepyhead. So be open to other solutions and just weigh the risks!

If you are worried about blankets - try a gro snug.
We have a sleepy head in a next to me with a Ewan the sheep white noise thing - all worth looking at.
My dd was like this the first couple of days - my friends said I was expecting too much from a newborn!!! But they do change all the time and this too shall pass!!!

Dummy and swaddle. My youngest was like this. He only wanted to sleep on his tummy on my chest.

I know it's no help to you, but at 3 days old I was still in the hospital with him and the HCA sat with him at night, got him into the cot so I could get a couple of hours sleep.

Second a sleepyhead. DS1 was exactly like this and I just wish I’d bought the bloody thing 4 weeks earlier.

My 15 week old was like this. I actually had to have her in the hospital bed with me as no matter how deep a sleep she was in the minute I put her down she woke up and started screaming! This carried on at home and I tried everything but she wouldn’t sleep more than 5 unless held. I tried swaddling,my clothes around the mattress,white noise,sleepy head and about 8 different dummies but everytime I thought I had cracked it she would still only sleep for maybe 20 minutes before waking up and screaming again! Maybe not the best advice but I literally had to go with what she wanted or I would have been more dangerous due to literally zero sleep. I put bed guards either side of my bed,hoofed my partner out to the spare room and slept proped up with her on my chest. Because I was breastfeeding if she so much as stired I woke up so although I guess it wasn’t best practice I felt confident I wouldn’t drop or smother her. I’m not recommending this by the way but nothing I tried worked until at around 8 weeks if I fed her laying on my side she would fall into a deep sleep and I could safely move away from her. Since around 12 weeks she sleeps at the side of me and is happy to be breastfed and then put straight back down. What really helped was that at 10 weeks she finally accepted a dummy and comfort muslin and this was a life saver as she can now be comforted without being attached to me! All I can recommend is to keep trying different things and what didn’t work yesterday may work today if that makes sense. It’s literally about survival in the early days.

My six week old is similar. Have had some minor success with a sleepyhead but she still prefers sleeping on me. You're not alone, I feel exactly like you!

Try:
Swaddling
White noise. My LO has Ollie the Owl and at times I don't know how I would have managed without it. Though before buying try white noise on YouTube to see if your baby likes it.
Hot water bottle to warm up her place.
Put a T-shirt you've worn for a few days in the Moses basket. Spray it with your BF too so baby can smell you.
In the day get a baby carrier and 'wear' her.

Above all if nothing helps continue to have naps when husband has the baby vise versa. It will get better, I promise! My LO was the same, as soon as he was out of me he wanted to be held constantly. Some babies really love their cuddles 😊

I meant spray the T-shirt with your breast milk not BF..

Have you considered visiting an osteopath - our little one came very quickly and at an odd angle. She would lay on her back and I could feel tension in her body. 45 mins with the osteopath and it was like she melted and sleep became her friend. She doesn't always sleep in her bed, but we do get at least 1 2-3 hour stint of her in it at night which is enough to keep you sane in the early days.

Also a wrap/sling during the day.. I can safely get on with bits during the day while she sleeps but I can also sit down with a pillow behind my head for a 20 min hands free nap... also a godsend.