So fucking unfair

[TheLovleyChebbyMcGee]

I don't know how else to express it, and I know I sound like an 8 year old, but it's so bloody unfair.

5.5 month old DS just doesn't sleep well. It's 3.40 am and I've only managed to get him sleeping on his own I.e. not in my arms for 95 min, then bursts of 20-25 minutes before he wakes up. He'll happily sleep held in my arms. We've tried ranitidine, gaviscon, chiropractor, co-sleeping, sleeping on an incline, a sleepyhead, a co-sleeper cot, white noise, a my hummy, a fucking Amber ankle, we've spent a fortune on it. We thought he'd cone through the 4 month sleep regression, but his sleep had never really improved. And this is an improvement since birth, at first he'd only ever sleep in our arms or in the sling.

I'm in a WhatsApp chat with mum friends and today they are complaining about other people who go on about how their baby sleeps 8pm till 8am, while their own babies only sleep for 4 hours at a time.

They don't even get the irony that they are doing exactly the same thing to me, I'd kill for 4 hours in a row right now. Even the mum that's in the middle of 4 month sleep regression that only gets 2 hours at a time, I'd take that in a heartbeat.

I know I'm ranting, but it's just so bloody unfair. I feel like I can't talk to anyone in real life honestly as they just smile and nod and make sympathetic noises about how hard it is while not actually having a fucking clue.

YOU DO NOT SOUND LIKE A DICK.

My first was a 7-7 sleeper. My second slept like satans spawn - from 5 months would only sleep in our arms, would only be put down after an hour and would only sleep for 40 mins before waking again. I hated every single person I saw; including strangers. I had the absolute rage that other people had sleep and they didn't know how lucky they were. I did nothing different between my two children. Any parent who thinks it's their parenting is deluded and possibly in for a shock with their next child. Conversely my third sleeps pretty well but not 7-7. Again, I've done nothing different.

With our second what fixed her literally overnight was putting her in her own room. All of a sudden she slept. Not sure what it was, whether it was DH snoring or her crib being too small but it was a game changer. She let us put her down and we were up with her maybe once a night. Worth a try OP? Assuming you've checked if he's cold/hungry etc?

I have been there too OP. It is just so hard.

It sounds like you have tried everything, my DS wouldn’t take a dummy, but he sucked his thumb instead, he was actually seen on ultrasound, sucking his thumb! That seemed to bring him comfort. His teeth are perfect BTW.

My son is nearly 16 now, and loves his bed! it does get better I promise.

But it is awful, my DS was really hard work during the day as well, something I will never forget, and the reason he was my last baby! I had a another son under 2 at the time, who was a total dream thank goodness.

Take any help offered OP, you don’t have to do it all. My MIL was a total lifesaver at the time, really helped me. Have you got relatives or friends that can give you a break for a while to have a rest?

Can you afford a sleep consultant???

There are some online people who aren't as much as you'd expect £150 ish and although what they suggest generally isn't rocket science when you are as sleep deprived as you are it's what you need.

The simple act of having someone else tell you what to do and when and for how long can be a miracle worker. Plus they will offer support and encouragement every day to keep you going.

I don't now if she's still going but Gemma at Baby Tech Support was amazing.

Food idea to mute the conversation for now, it doesn't sound like it's helping you either sleep related or if you think it's a competitive group, not what you need right now!

If it helps - you are doing great and i think it's just luck/bad luck if you have a good sleeper or not. My second was a much better sleeper than my first.

I was suggested to feed my first a banana just before bedtime, could you mash one up and try? Apparently there's something in it to help them sleep.

Aside from the usual suggestions, the thing that helped us that no one ever mentioned was magnesium spray - only found out by accident recently as I was giving them high dose vitamin D and they need magnesium with it. I just spray it on their legs and rub it in, a bit of a leg massage with it half an hour before bed and they sleep much better. I’ve been taking magnesium glycinate capsules (alongside vitamin D) and it definitely helps me sleep better too.

@SinkGirl I think bananas have magnesium in them which is one of the reasons they can be recommended, never knew about a spray!

I have 4 little ones and they’ve all been bad sleepers to varying degrees till about 7-9 months. I’m guessing it’s your first OP? I always thought it’s shit that you can’t react like it’s your second on your first but I also felt angry/upset/frustrated/panicked nightly about how little sleep I was getting on my first. My 2nd, 3rd and 4th were totally different. When baby would wake, even after an hour, I’d just go ‘oh well’ and then read or mumsnet or go watch tv while jigging baby I’m my arms. Even if the sum total of sleep was 2 hours I actually didn’t mind and quite enjoyed the quiet of the night just me and the baby. Not least because during daytime with another 1/2/3 toddlers, baby and I didn’t get much alone time. So some of my best memories are of those early months just me, baby and a cup of tea in the night. I think the stress of not sleeping adds massively to the next day being tough when not having any stress at being woken over and over meant I was tired but not emotionally destroyed like I was on my first.

Then they start to sleep better in the night and it’s horrible again being woken from a deep sleep once you start assuming you’re getting sleep at night! But those early month, when I was running on literally no sleep day after day, were actually ok for the reasons I said above.

Mine was like this and it will get better OP. She still doesn't sleep well, but every move towards proper sleep & independence is an improvement. She was up every 20mins for a long, long time and it was hell. Just focus on surviving.

Yes, you can get magnesium oil spray for topical application :)

I too would seriously consider sleep training. Continuing as you are is not sustainable. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty about doing this.

Definitely come off the WhatsApp group. Anything like that or FB is not needed as it'll only make you feel worse when it shouldn't.

@Auntiepatricia I have a bad sleeper and I always worry about when/if me & my partner decide to have another because the thought of another bad sleeper terrifies me! But reading your comment just gave me a lot of comfort what a wonderful way of putting it!

I've got 4 dc, bad sleepers. You know what, I say bad sleepers but they're terrible.
Last year after several months getting 2 and a half hrs broken sleep a night I had some kind of break down. I was pretty delirious.
Its been 10 years since I slept more than 4 hrs straight, and at least 2 of those years since I slept more than 2 hrs straight.
I tried everything and saw a sleep something or other and in the end they just said that some children dont sleep.
I'm woken at least every hour through the night, but it won't last forever.
Anyway, good luck tonight to everyone and I hope you all get some sleep soon.

I don't know how I missed so many replies!!!

Thank you all for your kind words and your advice! I came back to update, that's DS only a few days off 6 months, and while his sleep is still very changeable it is slowly getting better. He slept for 4 hours in row just a few days after my first post here, then 5 a few days after that and last night was a personal best of almost 6.

We've been pulling apart every last detail of what we've been doing on the good night's. Doesn't always work, but it's a start right?!!

Ah, OP, it is shit. I really feel for you.

Dc2 had a shit time as far as sleep was concerned. Just as he was getting over the 4 month sleep regression, he was put on medication which gave him night terrors 3 times a week. It totally knocked out any ability he had to sleep at night and I couldn't sleep train him (not that I wanted to as in my mind he was too young) because it was medication creating the problems.

It was brutal. I was surviving on a few hours a night and some of those nights the baby was screaming in proper terror.

We coslept. It meant we maximised time asleep and if the baby woke up then he was right there and I didn't have to get out of bed.

I kept breastfeeding as it seemed to soothe him plus meant DH or i didn't have to get up for a bottle.

I drank shitloads of coffee and basically spent about 12 months denying the fact I was sleep deprived.

What I will say is that it does get better. If the baby is only 6 months old then don't worry. It will get better. I also found that sleep regressions happen regardless of any tried and tested "get and stay asleep" methods you follow. But you will find a way that works again and it will get better again.

UPDATE

I can't believe how much had changed. At 6 months we sleep trained, it was horrible DH took a few days off work and we just got on with it. Started with pick up put down, but that just made him angry so we did patting and Ferber method. The 6th day was horrendous, but, since then he's improved massively.

We now put him down awake, and most nights he's quiet after 30 seconds of complaining. Its sometimes a few minutes, its sometimes no fussing at all. Some nights he's still up 4 times, last night was once. And thats going through him having a fever last week and the clocks changing, in less than a month.

I know sleep training isnt for everyone, but its helped us massively. And I know tbings may be different in another month, but who knows!