Ds taking forever to settle!

[LyndzB]

My DS is 8 weeks old and we're currently trying to put him into a routine after the health visitor advised he shouldn't be downstairs with us in an evening.

We give him bath, read him a book and give him a bottle before bed - we usually do this around 6.30 - 7. He gets very tired I pop him in the cot, tiptoe out only for him to wake a minute later pand cry on and off for hours. I go in shhh him, hold him, pop his dummy in but sometimes it takes 3 hours for him to rest. Hubby and I have dinner in shifts and no evening!

I feel like I'm not doing the right thing by him and worry that he's stressed. I never let him cry longer than a few seconds before I go in. I'm just not sure if I'm doing it right. Does anyone have any tips on settling?

Good thing is once he's settled he's sleeping 5-7 hours through and then a feed around 3 ish and another sleep of 3-4 hours

Too early for a bedtime routine. I'm sure at that age we kept them downstairs later and then had a last feed and into bed at our bedtime. If the old routine worked why would you need to change it?

Also putting him into bed early means you go against SIDS guidelines of all sleeps in the same room until 6 months. If it takes hours to settle him then it's not working so do what works for you

He should be down stairs with you! This is awful advice.

All sleeps should be with another adult in the room until he is 6 months old.

He is just tiny. Just cuddle him downstairs.

He gets very tired I pop him in the cot, tiptoe out only for him to wake a minute later pand cry on and off for hours. I go in shhh him, hold him, pop his dummy in but sometimes it takes 3 hours for him to rest.

Pick him up, take him downstairs, cuddle him.

Ignore the health visitor!!!
Do what works for you, and the current plan sounds like it's not working for you or DS at all.
We kept DD downstairs with us until we went to bed at around 9.30 or 10pm, she'd just feed or nap on us or in the Moses basket in the lounge until we all went up. Kept the tv relatively quiet and the lights quite low and it was fine
Do a bedtime routine whenever you like but if he's hating it this much I don't think it's worth it and he obviously wants to be with you all the time and that's ok! Xxxx best of luck with it all x

Omg, don't mind the health visitor she isn't in your house every night. Do what works for you. My youngest only started staying upstairs when she was 18 months, before that she always fell asleep downstairs with us and I would bring her up when I was going up. These health visitors would make you laugh sometimes. You know what's best for your baby and yourself and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.

My 6 month old stays downstairs asleep with me until I go to bed about 10pm. It's that or I lie in the bedroom with him until he fights sleep until about 10pm anyway! X

My LO was very fussy of an evening so we just used to take turns to cuddle while the other did the dinner etc. We'd often all go up to bed and we'd watch Netflix, or I'd go up for a couple of hours while my husband sat up with him to do the last feed before bed. They just want to be held and be with you at that stage, it's terrible advice from the HV.

That's not the advice I've ever heard from HV! All sleep until 6 months should be in the same room. So we had ours downstairs with us in the evening until 6 months. We used to just have lights quite low and tv quiet and take in turns to cuddle to sleep while the other ate tea etc. Then in Moses in room downstairs if they were asleep and carry up to cot upstairs when we went to bed.

At 6 months we started bed time routine and had monitor on etc.

Please just do what works for you! Enjoy them while so little. The sleepy cuddles on the sofa do not last long!

Crazy unsafe advise from HV. Keep him with you , cuddle him , eat your dinner and watch tv !

after the health visitor advised he shouldn't be downstairs with us in an evening

Sorry, I stopped reading right here.

The current guidelines are that baby sleeps in the same room as you until 6 months.

If you want baby downstairs with you, which quite frankly most people find easier at this age, you do it.

It's not your HV who's going to have to try and settle him while her partner sits downstairs.

He is too young for that type of bedtime routine.

Reading these replies makes me want to cry! I so thought I was doing something wrong! I asked HV about him being in the same room but she stressed that the tv and lights will make him overtired and it's best he's his quiet room like our bedroom until we go to sleep. This was because he was taking so long to get to sleep.

I'll keep him downstairs with me until I go to bed and, like some have suggested here, keep lights and tv on low. Thank you everyone!

Yes that's sounds good Op. also at this age they aren't really likely to settle very quickly unless being cuddled and rocked etc. Just do what feels natural as they don't really self settle until 4 months as they aren't really developmentally ready until then. Also bedtimes will be much later when little as they often want to cluster feed from 6pm til 9pm. So just feed feed feed and don't worry about getting them ready for their long night time sleep until 9ish. It'll get earlier as they get older and before you know if they will be up in their cot at 7pm!

Ignore the HV. Seriously. I became obsessed by this too and only started to relax once I ignored all the shit about 'getting your evenings back'. If baby wants to cuddle and sleep downstairs with you until you go to bed, just do it. At some point it'll become clear when the evening TV and lights are preventing him from settling and from that point you can try putting him to bed and watching the monitor.

Until then, relax. We tried it at 12 weeks for a few nights and I was on the verge of tears because I had no evening and had to go to bed at 8pm with baby. We stopped and didn't resume it again until he was about 18/19 weeks.

Great advice from last poster. Just enjoy the cuddles while you watch tv! Bedtime routine can totally wait till baby is older. You'll instinctively know when it's time to start putting them upstairs.