Desperately need advice on how to get 7month old to sleep longer at night

[jaz2]

This is the 2nd time I've typed this as the first time I hit a key and it disappeared, oh hell, I could cry I'm so tired. Still, I need some answers so I'll defy tiredness and start again....!

PLEASE, can someone suggest a way forward (or a magic solution would be even better!).

My 7mo DS used to sleep from 7.30pm until we woke him at 2pm for a formula feed, then slept through until about 4am (when I BF him) and then slept until 6.30am.

In the last couple of months (esp in the last month when he seems to have been permanently ill) he has been waking at 10.15pm (we feed him as the only thibg that settles him), then he wakes three to five more times between 11pm and 3am (when I BF him), then wakes at 4.45am for good, tho sometimes he sleeps until 5.30am. Sometimes if we take him into our bed at 5.30am he will sleep for another 30 mins.

We have blackout curtains, but some light still gets in at the top and bottom.

He's still in our room as we wanted to move him out at 6 months, but what with him being ill and the frequent wakeup calls, we haven't felt able to do so.

I thought that weaning him would solve a few problems, and he started 3 meals a day in early June, but almost immediately started the illness cycle, and since then on most days I haven't been able to prise more than a few spoonfuls of fruit puree into his mouth.

And in a week I'm starting back to work PT, and he will start nursery, and no doubt more problems will commence (let alone my feeling of extreme guilt for not being a FT mum).

My NCT friends all seem to have perfect babies who have slept through the night for months!

Sorry for the whinge!

Bump!!!! Think mine is worse, would love some answers as DD slept through from about 5 minutes old!!

Jaz,many sympathies.

I have not got any answers,no2 was a crap sleeper until I stopped bf at 13 months (her choice).

I am sure eventually it will get better.

Do you have a bedtime wind down routine?

Ds was a fab sleeper and I did nowt different with dd.

TBH I am sure you are doing nothing wrong.Some just take longer to get the sleeping through routine.

It will happen eventually.

If you are really struggling there may be a sleep clinic in your area.Maybe they could advise.

In the meantime,good luck and sympathy.It will not last forever,promise but it is blardy tiring going through it.Can empatise.

Oh, you have my sympathy!! It must be grim.

You may have tried many of these things below, but in case you haven't, some of these might be worth a try;

Make sure he gets all the nutrition he needs between 7 am and 10.30 pm - structure his feeds so he's not going too long between feeds - no more han 4 hrs, even if you have to wake him from a nap, and don't cut back on his milk at all at this stage.

Keep doing the late evening feed at 10.15 pm - give him as much as he'll take at this time.

Look at his daytime sleep - don't let him sleep for more than 2 hrs in a row, and more than about 3 1/2 in total, between 7 am and 7 pm.

Try to give him his daytime naps in the same place (cot, or whatever) as he is sleeping at night, so he is very familiar and comfortable in that environment.

Does he need help to get off to sleep, ie dummy or rocking?? If so, he could be looking for this at night. Ideally he needs to be able to settle himself, so that when he wakes briefly in the night, as they all do, he can go back to sleep again, without your help.

IME, solids don't make much difference to night sleeping when you are at the fruit and veg stage - not many calories and not filling. Can you try to move him on to carbs, like pasta or rice, and protein, meat, fish or lentils etc? I know this may be hard if he's not keen.

As for your NCT crowd, I would take it with a pinch of salt - I've found that people can put ion VERY rose tinted glasses when talking about their lo's at gatherings like this!!

Hope some of this might help

Forgot to say too, illnesses can really knock them out of sorts -it may just be a case of riding it out, esp as he slept better in the past.

Yeah,Jojays advice wa really good.My dd was plagued will illness in first year and was unsettled because of it.

It DOES get better,eventually.

I didn't even consider how much "stimulation/excercise" my ds was getting at this age and how much it would affect his sleep. The days we took longer walks outside or met up with people or went to toddler groups etc did make a difference. As I said I hadn't really considered it until he was probably 8 or 10 months so not wanting to state the obvious here but how "active" is he? Also goes hand in hand with how much he sleeps in the day, too, as others have mentioned.

havent read all posts but i can bet that your lo is waking out of habit just for comfort. my ds did this after he got poorly at 4mths till 8mths when i was so desperate i did cc. i am not recommending cc but it was the only way out for me and my ds. he now sleeps beautifully (most of the time barring teething, colds etc) and is no longer bf. Not advocating any cc if you ar not comfortable with it cos there are other methods of weaning night wakers (grad withdrawal, co-sleeping etc) but just to say you have my sympathy. sleep deprivation is the absolute pits.

You have my sympathy too - it's dreadful, isn't it? My dd stopped sleeping well at 3.5 months atfer an illness, until I too did CC at 6 months. Like Cruisemum, I really didn't want to do this, but was at my wits end! It was a really hard two weeks with CC, although only the first couple of nights were truly dreadful. It isn't a strategy for the faint hearted!

It has worked, sort of, as she's gone from waking every two hours to only waking once in the night - the problem is that tends to be at somewhere between 3 and 5 - the latter I can handle but not the former! Anyway, that's another story, but she does go down really well at between 8 and 9 pm (our routine tends to shift about a bit) and settle herself when she wakes before 3ish.

Sorry I don't have a 'gentler' method to recommend - I tried all sorts but nothing really worked . I did work on cutting down the bfs at night before doing cc, though - cuddled and co-slept instead. Hope things resolve for you soon.

Jaz - total sympathy, it sounds awful, you must be so tired. I don't have any magic solution I'm afraid but I think Cruisemum's diagnosis sounds right to me. Sounds like you need to break the breastfeeding to sleep cycle which is tough.
I did a form of gradual withdrawal (although didn't know this was what I was doing at the time!!) with my DD to get her to settle in the evening. Rather than full on cc, which I don't have the resolve for, I put her in her cot and when she started crying I lowered the side and leaned over to really cuddle her, holding her still at the same time. She would stop crying cos I was there and would calm down because she was still. I would stay like that until she fell asleep at first (did my back no favours!) but gradually I only had to lean over and she learned to go to sleep on her own. I also used it in the night to settle her when I was certain she wasn't hungry. Eventually just a hand on her chest did the trick. She's far from a perfect sleeper now but at least I know she is capable of getting herself back to sleep and I don't have to get up and BF her all night long.

Thank you for all the suggestions. we have a strict bedtime routine and he doesn't sleep for more than 1 1/2 hrs in the day, most of which are in his cot. Levels of activity have no impact on his sleeping. SO, I think the problem is that he can't settle himself, combine with wanting attention PLUS maybe he is hungry!

When he goes down at 7.30pm I BF him to sleep (youch, bad habit I know...want to stop BF at 8 1/2 months when he isn't so new at nursery). In the daytime he sometimes settles on his own, but sometimes he has to have a dummy which acts like a switch (I swore my child would never have a dummy, but at 5mnths he hadn't found his thumb and I was desperate).

I know he needs to be able to settle himself, so maybe cc in some form is the only option. I'll do some research to see how to do it. I did try it once a month or so ago, and was able to withstand DS's cries, but not my DH's stupid comments...he turned to me after about 30 mins and said "are you sure this is going to work?". He got a fairly sharp response!

The last couple of days have been worse as DS has taken 45 mins (not his usual 20) to be BF to sleep and he seems to suddenly be very clingy with his mother. Oh gawd!

I've been there and have no advice except to say it does sort itself out eventually. My DS was a rubbish sleeper from the word go, waking three or four times a night. Then at around ten months he suddenly started waking just once or twice and now at 14 months sleeps 12 hours straight - it feels like a miracle after all those months when, like you, all my friends seemed to have perfect babies that slept to order! We did nothing to encourage this other than be there for him and feed and hug him when he wanted (I couldn't do controlled crying.) So my guess is it will fix itself when he's not so ill and crabby - by which time my DS will have started waking up again.

I've just posted on another thread re cc so won't repeat all. Just to say I found Ferber's book ('solve your child's sleep problems') v useful on doing cc as it has lots of advice on how it works and how to minimise the crying, which was important for me! It did work partially for us at 6 months - dd is now 7.5 months and has gone from waking every two hours to sleeping reliably from 8pm to 4ish am - going to bed without a peep and a smile on her face and settling herself between these times. She doesn't seem to be able to settle herself after 3.30/4am though, so I still go to her at these times and try to comfort her back to sleep or feed her. So it's a long way from perfect and still v frustrating at times, but a lot better for both of us, I think. It was a hard two weeks getting there though (although the crying was only really lengthy on the first night) so you have to be resolute if you're going to start. Good luck and let us know how you get on...

ps happy to share further details and support if you want, but don't feel pressured into doing it - you have to feel ready

Really fed up today....put DS in his own room last night for the first time. Lots of people had told me his sleeping would get better if we did this.
But is was as much of a nightmare as any other night, possibly worse...up at 1.15am for 30 mins), 3.15am (for 30 mins), 4.15am (for an hour), and then finally at 6am. At one point he was just shouting - not even crying.

I could have cried...I think I had built the room change up into the magic solution that other people had suggested it might be. And I feel angry with my DS, which then makes me feel guilty.

Then there is the issue of what share of the wake-ups I and my DH do, and whether the person who did most is referred to as having a "lie-in" the next morning. This rather grates.

Horrible isn't it? This probably won't help but I'm not sure there is a solution. At the moment(!) DD2 sleeps much better than DD1 at night but who knows what she may be up to next week! I'm a bit 'all things will pass' about these things tbh which is easier said than done I know. I don't know anyone whose baby sleeps all night! And for months on end! Rubbish! Babies change with the bloody wind and they never stay the same for months. I've been doing the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' with some success ( I think or it could be mere chance!) On the illness front, it comes in cycles and bu**ers everything up without fail. Hang on in there baby

Hi! My enormous sympathies! I had this problem with DD - eventually someone suggested that I work on the day time sleeps and getting them structured a bit more reliably - apparently too little day time sleep is as bad as too much and 1.5 hours might not be enough - DD aged 7m sleeps til nearly 6.30 - 7am and we have now settled into a routine of about 40 mins nap around 2.5 hours after she wakes up and then EITHER 1.5 - 2 at lunch time OR 40 mins at lunch time and another 20-30 mins just before tea. I did cc with these naps - and its much easier in the day - don't think I could bear it at night..! Also helps if DH goes in during the night for cuddles...Bizarrely with a bit more sleep in the day, she slept better at night (although still waking once at 4am for BF - am trying to wean and work up courage for cc at this hour!).If nothing else it gives you a chance to have a nap yourself on the days when you are off work. protein in the meals really helped too - although avoid lentils at bedtime as the farts seem to wake them up!
Now off to find a thread to discuss the 4am waking!

Hia Jaz2
I have the same sleep issue qith my 5 month DD who since four months has been waking at 11, 2 and 5 with BF in between sometimes lasting an hour. She is in her cot, although lately I have taken to co-sleeping in the early hours. This sort of works - I get a bit more sleep but I am sure it encourages her to feed more. We have yet to move her into her own room - which may or may not make a difference....
Ironically she slept from 9-5 from 6 to 12 weeks!!
I have experimeneted with giving her one bottle of formula at different times but to be honest it makes no difference. What frusrtates me most is that when she has a particularly bad night we both have a miserable day the next day as she is over tired. I then have to carry her in the baby carrier to get to sleep which makes me even more shattered, as she only rarely sleeps in her pram!
I have ordered the No Cry Book to see if I can get any tips. But I suspect it is just one of those things which eventually will right itself. I will watch your postings with interest. Good luck!!

Hi Clothespeg, your DD sounds exactly the same as my DS (20 weeks). Was an ace sleeper til 12/13 weeks, now wakes around 11, 1, 4 and sometimes spends the time in between keeping us awake by kicking round the cot, madly thumping his arms and head, and waking himself up two minutes after you've just spent 20 mins shushing him til you think he's settled. We normally bring him in with us at 4, though the last three nights it's been 1 since he's otherwise been wide awake and very noisy.

I have no answers btw, just sympathy!

Megbusset
I think it must be a developmental thing that happens at 4 months. Theres a whole thread about it!
Re the waking up after a few minutes thing. I try to wait until she is in a deep sleep 2 put her down - no twitching etc - tho its hard in the middle of the night i must admit!
Sure it will get easier - helps to know u aren't on your own.

You could try pick up/putdown to get him to go to sleep on his own - it sounds as though maybe because he is bf to sleep he then needs bf to go back to sleep when he wakes in the night IYSWIM. The other thing I did when dd was the same age as your ds was instead of bfing her when she woke in the night offered her a bottle of diluted EBM - she was not at all impressed but it had a dramatic effect on her sleep - after two nights she was sleeping through. HTH