Can’t handle my kids not sleeping without me anymore

[Mommaof2x]

I have two dc aged 19m and 3.5.
They are in single beds stuck together, we moved dd2 out of the cot because she demanded she lay in dd1 bed and jumped out of the cot once.

Before I could put dd2 down and walk out of the room and she would sleep, now I cannot do this as she gets off the bed opens the door and walks out.

Dd1 has always been clingy and won’t sleep unless I’m with her whilst she latches onto my arm always wanting cuddles, before i would put her to sleep in my room then move her across, now with dd2 not settling I have to lay inbetween them both in their room- each one has one of my arm. Now they are both clingy at bed time
How on earth can I get them to just go to sleep alone without me in the room

Im always in such a bad mood in the evenings due to this problem, I end up falling asleep then feel so low and tired when I have to walk out and hit the light and start to cook for me and dh.

I had this and I followed Jo Frost's way. Make a strong routine and then put them to bed.

Every time one gets out, return them. For the first three escape attempts, just say "Bedtime now" in a calm voice. Then after that, don't say anything. Just keep taking them back and putting them back.

It probably will take hours. Prepare for the worst. But eventually they will stay put.

Make sure to stick to the routine every night. Even if one cries.

What Fortunes said. Unfortunately you just have to but the bullet and set the boundaries. And then not move he boundaries. I’d probably start with telling them I’d be outside the door (on my phone) but not in their bed anymore. Tell this 3.5 yr old this throughout the day to prepare her. Also offer an incentive like a treat on Friday if she’s a good girl at bedtime. (She won’t win the incentive but that ok, in a few weeks she might and will he thrilled and it will reinforce your hard work then). Every time they mess you go in and put them back. If they cry you tell them you are there but not getting into bed. Keep it up no matter what. Then in a few nights when it’s goung better you go from sitting outside to ‘getting a cup of tea’ and coming back. Make sure you do come back. Bug don’t tolerate any nonsense. And don’t use a cuddle lying in bed as a reward ever. Be consistent.

While you're doing the bedtime routine why isn't your DH cooking the meal?

That was my thought too. Get your DH to cook. Whoever isint putting the children to bed should do the evening meal!

Don't offer incentives to a three year old which can't be redeemed for days. They don't understand the time issue. Then if you KNOW they won't "win" the reward, it just makes them feel bad...and they stop trying to please you.

There's no reward for going to bed. It's basic stuff. Better to let them know that this is expected...and that's that. Same with brushing teeth, hair etc...being polite and so forth.

As above but you must do it. Our friends never did this and are still up and down in the night with their perfectly healthy and bright 12, 10 and 6 year olds . They seem resigned to it but frankly entirely self inflicted. No one else we know ourselves included panders to their kids like that.

Fortunes, works great with my kids. Even when she was two. I honestly think we always underestimate kids.

Get that DH cooking! Unless he has some sort of disability that prevents him?

No wonder you feel at your wits end.

My 2yo went through a phase of getting up and wanting to come downstairs after bedtime. I let him. Made sure it was really boring for him. No talking to him apart from night night time, are you sleepy etc. No tv. No fuss. After an hour or so he usually gets very sleepy and cuddly. So we cuddle downstairs for a bit then take him back upstairs.

Do they have a teddy or comforter each? Sounds like they're using your arm! If you can get them attached to a teddy that would help. Introduce the teddy at night and cuddle them and teddy together. Keep teddy in the bed so they associate it with sleep. Keep doing the same routine over and over and you can break the habit of using your arm.

You need DHs support....both with putting them to bed and with other household chores.
Would it work if DH did bedtime duty? We tend to take it in turns but both stick to the same routine/boundaries so DS knows the score.

Thanks everyone for your input. I did tell dd1 today you will be sleeping alone like all your friends do, but then I caved in as I just wanted them asleep so I could rest after a day of them both- I’m exhausted as dh is such a deep sleeper he never hears them through the night so it’s always me getting up. Then they get clingy to me and I have no choice to do it all. I will make a reward chart with stickers as that helped potty train and stick to it like you have suggested going forward, there will be a lot of screaming and tears. Dh comes in from work later than bedtime sometimes but if he does come earlier and see the food isn’t on he will start it.

Very large glass of wine and a roll of duck tape?

I did tell dd1 today you will be sleeping alone like all your friends do,

Do you all have your own beds? Where does your DH sleep?

Do you all have your own beds? Where does your DH sleep?

Yes me and dh have a king in our room, and dd’s have single beds next to eachother in their room

Just thought I would feedback

They finally sleep alone! Had tears but got through it

Well done Momma! What did you end up doing that worked for you?

Well done OP, sounds like a big achievement! What worked in the end?

Yey! Well done!

Thanks! They both have their teddies which have now acted as comforters, and a routine of some milk sitting in bed then sleep- they did cry at first but my husband was strict, and he went in a few times when required, I didn’t as it’s too hard for me they would cry more, and I guess after a few days they just started to understand. I normally say now I’m going to have a shower and I will come back when I’ve finished but by then they’re asleep. It helps that their single beds are stuck together so they don’t really feel alone!

I have the same problem!
I have a daughter who is 7 and a son who is 3. My son will not sleep unless I sleep with him. My daughter won't go to bed unless her little brother is asleep before her.
Going to turn TV off half an hour before bed, sit with them and read a book for 20 mins, brush teeth and put them both to bed. Absolutely dreading it to be honest as I know my son will cry for me.

mumsrthebest

Goodluck! I found being the one the were clingy to it worked easier for my husband to do it if that’s an option for you.
I also found a new teddy helped and acted as a comforter