4 yearold will not stay in bed all night

[nightmare]

We have tried to have a decent nights sleep for the last 4 years however our 4 yearold continually comes into our room even though we keeping taking her back to her bedroom without interacting. This has had little effect because she stays for 2 hours and comes back to our room again and we take her back again same thing happens any ideas please thanks.

Well 4 yrs old might be a bit old to do this, but with our DS we have a stairgate across his dorr. We started it when he went from cot to bed as he kept getting out of bed. We told him that if he woke up in the night, he could play with his toys and look at books, but he had to stay in his room. After a couple of screamy nights (and that was just me!), it was fine, and he now wakes once a night, and I just settle him back with a drink.

Door. Sorry. Forgot to say DS is 2

Sympathies. My 3 year old DS1 has the same habit. FIVE times last night. Dr Christopher Green suggests the rope on the door (Toddler Training), ie a rope holding the door shut so they can see out, but not get out. This worked about a year ago, so it's back on the door handle tonight. He will go ballistic for about half an hour, during which we reassure then sit tight. Quite painful to listen to, but it WORKED last time and I am sick of him wandering in. DS1 can jump stairgates, otherwise, it's the same principle.
Yawn. Must go to bed....

My DS (3.75 yrs) had been sleeping fine but broke sleep pattern when in holiday cottage in strange room, then sharing our hotel room in own little bed ... for an hour or two, and crawled straight in with us. Should have turfed him out then I realise as I can't break pattern. I gave in when DH in States for a week and let DS curl up by me. A big mistake. He's now in at 2am every day and SCREAMS when taken back to his bed whilst DH and I lie rigid, and neighbours thing we're torturing him. I will try a stairgate lulupop and see if that works.

You keep taking her back no matter how many times she gets up - at 4 she is old enough to understand that this is not on and there is not a choice - she can get up but she will be taken straight back - believe me she will get out of the habit.

You can buy her a special nightlight and perhaps do a star chart where if she manages to stay for 1 night she gets a star and then after 5 stars she gets taken to Pizza Express or somewhere she likes.

Above all don't give in she is controlling you by keeping doing this knowing you are going to back down if she does it for long enough.

Do one night each too - between you and DH so one of you at least gets a good nights sleep and doesn;t lose it the next day.

Well I will go against the flow here and say this: Why don't you try letting her sleep with you for a while, not taking her back, and see what happens then? She might actually grow out of it once she realizes she is allowed to sleep with you and will not be sent back to her room. Maybe it is just a need she has which needs to be fulfilled, and once it is fulfilled she will move on and grow up that little bit further.
Just FYI: My dd1 slept with us until a month ago, when she was three years three months. She then moved into her own bed because she wanted to and because she's proud as anything now to have her own room and her own bed. We didn't have to do anything, she was just ready for it. I think that's the way to do it personally - just like waiting for when they're ready to potty-train/eat solids/walk - whatever.

Our dd7 used to be nicknamed night stalker up until age of 5 . She rarely comes in now and it is quite nice to have a cuddle when she does. ds 5 was even worse but the last 6 months he has come in with us about a dozen times. Since settling at school he sleeps much better.
dd9 never comes in neither does ds 13 - it does stop and it doesn't last forever because they grow up so quickly. try not to get to wound up about it

am I a thread killer
Only meant when they are 13 and 9 they will NEVER want a cuddle in bed (oh my god this just sounds worse) does someone know what I mean ?