Bed invaders

[radioactiveimagination]

Please help, I’m at my wits end, my children do not sleep in their own beds. They are DD4 (just turned 4) and DS8mos. DS is teething, he is still in our room as I am ebf and he invariably ends up in bed with me feeding through the night. DD goes to sleep in her own bed fine but gets up and comes in with us around 1am/2am. Nothing will persuade her to go back to hers. I’ve tried putting her back but she just comes in again. She’s still in a pull up at night, I wonder if it’s to do with that? Sometimes she wakes up screaming and tantrumming and takes a while to calm down. She’s not particularly jealous of the baby now so I don’t feel like it’s a case of her feeling left out or anything . The other issue is the baby, he sleeps from 8 to about 12 then wants to be in bed with me comfort feeding all night, he won’t go back in his own cot to sleep for more than an hour. I’m starting to regret not giving him a dummy.

Anyone got any advice? I love them so much but they are driving me up the wall as most nights all 4 of us are in bed together most of the night. I think I get about 3/4 hours broken sleep a night on average. I’m back at work next month and worried about how I will function on so little sleep and I’m worried I’ll start feeling depressed through sleep deprivation!

Anyone?

It's not really my area (we don't cosleep) but I didn't want to leave you without a reply. If it were me I'd be trying to brace myself for some tough times with the older one: she knows now you'll let her in eventually, I suspect if you want to stop it you'll have to be incredibly boundaried and return her to her bed as many times as it takes, even if it's all night long for several nights. That's likely to involve some tears, though so I'd be bracing myself for feeling really guilty about it (but being firm if you've realised it's what's best for all of you). Chances are once that's sorted you'll have more energy to nurse the younger, or to work on resettling him in his cot too. I'd definitely say tackle them one at a time.

The other suggestion I've heard is using a mattress on the floor - the child is allowed to come into the room and settle there if they want, but they can't come into the bed. That presumably would be a bit gentler.

Like I say it's not my area but please don't feel bad about making the change if it proves challenging: we don't cosleep because I absolutely would not sleep if we did and my mental health wouldn't be able to sustain that, even if the kids would love it. Your children's wellbeing and happiness is vital, of course, but so is yours.

Hope someone else more experienced comes along for you.