Iv feel like Iv failed as a mum

[Poppy1989]

I will admit it, I'm depressed.
My 7 month old doesn't sleep and I'm at breaking point. I cry every night throughout the night as I feel utterly exhausted and hopeless. What am I doing so wrong? As a mother I should be able to do something to help him sleep. But nothing is working.

I got told for months it's was because I ebf and my baby was hungry all through the night. I'm feeding him continually throughout the night.
He's now on solids x3 daily and bf on demand. So it's clearly not that!!

I have read every article online and every sleep advice book from the library.
He won't have a dummy. He won't be swaddled. He's not too hot or too cold. ( I check the temperature all night) I have tried controlled crying and Iv tried lots of cuddles. Iv sung to him and Iv said nothing. Iv left lights on and had him in darkness. Iv left a radio on for comfort and Iv had silence. Iv changed bed times to earlier and later. Iv changed which side of his crib he sleeps in and nothing works.

He has dinner, bath and bed EVERY night. That routine has stuck.

But he cries. Constantly. Every 40-60 minutes from the minute I put him to bed.

I haven't slept more than 9 hours in 3 days!
My marriage is suffering. I can't remember the last night my husband and I had an hour to ourselves.
My husband works day and night shifts so isn't always at home. He doesn't understand the difficulty I'm having.
If anyone at all, has any idea. Big or little that I can do to get my baby to sleep at night. I will forever be grateful.

Poppy. One exhausted mother. X

Firstly, you haven't failed. As many say, some babies are easier than others with sleep - I had a nightmare with my eldest and felt like you do right now, I was convinced it was my fault. My second is totally different. We have broken nights and I'm tired but its nothing like the worry I had with my eldest.

If you are at the stage where it is causing depression, affecting your mood and leaving you struggling to parent, I would recommend a sleep consultant if your budget allows. Using a sleep consultant involves sleep training but you don't have to leave your baby crying alone in a room. You are with them and teaching them to sleep. My DD refused to nap at all and was up every 1-2 hours at night when I used a sleep consultant and she was napping properly within days. She didn't sleep through the night for a while but she did one 7-8 hour stretch and most importantly, she was a happy baby once sleeping well.

Please don't blame yourself, things do get better themselves eventually but if its affecting your life to a great extent, do something about it now so you can enjoy your beautiful baby

I had the same problems with my lo who's now 8 months, would wake up every hour throughout the night. I really feel for you. Constant disrupted sleep is so brutal. I also ebf and so dh didn't help throughout the night. We hired a sleep consultant which didn't work (her method was basically cry it out while I sit next to the cot saying shh and patting him). A couple of months ago I introduced white noise to naps (he only naps if bf / rocked or in car) and then got a marpac hushh white noise machine from amazon and for the last few weeks he's been waking 2-3 times in the night which is manageable. Just dreading the next sleep regression! It'll get better for you and you're not a failure xxx

You haven’t failed. Babies go through bad patches for all sorts of reasons. It’s not your fault. You sound like you’ve tried lots of different things. By all means keep trying things, but one way or another it will pass.

In the meantime, do you have family support nearby? If someone can look after baby you might be able to get a nap for a couple of hours to take the edge off the tiredness, or perhaps give you and DH time for a nice lunch out somewhere together. Time for yourself and for the two of you as a couple is important for getting through these difficult times.

You are not alone in going through this. I remember feeling like I was going completely bonkers at that stage

You haven’t failed! Some babies take a long time to get the hang of sleeping! My DD became a ‘bad sleeper’ (though developmentally normal!) at that age. I started bed sharing as I was too bloody tired to get up, and found she wouldn’t always fully wake if I was next to her and gave her a little pat. Would that be an option for you?