Co-Sleeping & Advice needed

[TLBftm]

Ok so, I’m a ftm. My son is 4 weeks old.
The first night with him was awful, he would not settle in his Moses basket at all. In the end, me and my OH had to take shifts with him so we could get some sleep. My LO would only sleep on our chest! Which during the day was fine, but I didn’t know what to do at night!

Anyway, the midwife came out and we discussed it. She said to allow him to sleep on my chest at night as that way I could at least get some rest and because we don’t smoke or drink heavily it was fine. Said I wouldn’t fall into a deep sleep anyway with him on me. So this is what I did.

He’s now 4 week and still sleeps on my chest. Day and night. I don’t mind really because I chose to have a child and if he feels safer with his mummy then so be it. However, I am literally spending my days doing nothing at all. No housework no nothing. I feel like I am living in bed with him 24/7 and it’s starting to get a bit depressing. I’m sleeping like I’m in a bloomin coffin and not really resting much as he’s quite fidgety.

I just wish he would settle in his basket so I can at least rest myself properly and get a few bits done. I have literally tried so many things to help him settle. Putting him in awake, asleep, white noise, a T-shirt of mine, towel under mattress, propped up slightly, the list goes on. The most we have managed is about half an hour in it then he just cries and cries and for me. The second I get him out and put him on my chest, he goes to sleep. Once he’s asleep if I put him in the basket he wakes within minutes and won’t settle again! The last few days, I’ve realised, it’s not sleeping on me he wants, it’s sleeping on his tummy! If I lay him on my bed on his tummy he will go straight off.

I just don’t know what to do anymore.
I’ve looked up online about him being able to sleep on his tummy in his basket but it says it’s unsafe until he can roll over which he can’t yet and I’ll be waiting at least another couple of months until he can, I don’t know if I can go on until then 😣

Has anyone allowed their LO to sleep on their tummy at night this young? Or can anyone suggest what else I can do? He has a very strong head and can hold it up and turn it’s completely to the other side when on his tummy but I’m just scared to let him sleep On his tummy without me.

An exhausted mummy xx

Have you got a sling? You could maybe do a few things in the day if he'd sleep on you while you're moving about.

For the daytime a sling might be your friend? Also try the pram for naps?

Time. In time he will settle somewhere else. My dd did at 8 weeks. She slept in a sling in the day or on me and cuddled into me at night. I got so stressed about not being able to get on. She’s almost 9 months now and prefers her pram in the day and a lay down feed at night. I miss her sleepy cuddles!

Do you swaddle him? Would probably make him feel quite secure. Swaddle, white noise and your T-shirt may help!

I think sleeping actually on your chest sounds risky and exhausting. If baby slips off he could end up under you and getting hurt. As he gets a bit bigger and wrigglier he is more likely to slip off.

Have a look for safe cosleeping advice. There's a position where you lie on your side next to baby with one arm out over his head and knees tucked up under him. Really think you'd find he could get used to that as he's still cuddled up warm where he can hear your heartbeat. If you try it you will find you physically can't roll towards baby but you're still laid more comfortably to sleep. And can even bf in that position if you are. Have duvet over your legs and wear a dressing gown or fluffy warm top so duvet isn't near baby, again that's a risk.
A snuggly baby will love a sling, it's really worth spending the time to learn how to do a stretchy wrap as they are so happy. I would send DD off for hours attached to DH so I could get a break in the daytime; but can also be used for getting a bit of hoovering done.
You're only allowed to do housework once you're getting more sleep though. Mum rules looking after a newborn is a full time job and it's fine if housework gets done after your partner gets home or by helpful visitors, or up to a point not at all.

I agree with catkind’s post, i’d also be concerned about the risk of baby slipping off your chest, but cosleeping in a C position with baby on his back is safer. Hopefully as he gets bigger he’ll get more tolerant of the crib! It’s still very early days.

This site has good, evidence based information about co-sleeping.
www.basisonline.org.uk

Thank you all!

I have indeed tried a sling and he just cries. Maybe user error or something but we have tried it 4 times now with no luck.

I’ve tried swaddling too with no luck :(
The only thing I haven’t yet tried is the pram so I will definitely give that a go.

catkind - I totally agree. I was petrified the first couple of nights of him falling off me so I barely slept. Literally just woke up sooo many times to check he was still where he should be and breathing (how obsessive does watching for breathing get)! I do now end up with him at the side of me during he night just the way you say... because admittedly, the longer we have done this for the more relaxed I’ve become about it and find myself waking up wanting to turn over or change positions so I’ve just been moving him on his side next to me.

This is totally random and I could be completely wrong, but my OH was away last night so I decided to do some experimenting. I laid LO on his back on my bed and persevered for an hour and a half! I’d give him cuddles if he got too upset then move away and see if he went off. I came to the conclusion that if my body or hand was touching him, he started to drift. I tried putting one of those microwave bean bag heat thingys in the middle of his tummy (not heated) but just for the weight to see what happened. And just like a light, he was out cold! Horrayyyyy! Anyway, this lasted all of half an hour (but it’s progress). So I came to the conclusion that he will sleep on his back so long as I’m touching him. But then, I must have read about 100 forums on a few things and I think I’ve changed my mind on what I think it is, it’s not me touching him. It’s wind. I may be totally off but, LO has been suffering with colic, infacol is helping but the wind he gets too is awful. We have tried all sorts, literally everything. Changing teats, winding techniques, bike legs all that jazz... but he still wakes up from his sleep to have a wriggle, a few grunts then a massive trump or burp (usually trump) then nods back off.... so my new theory is that the reason he prefers sleeping on his tummy is because it eases the tummy discomfort for him!? I mean I know if I have an upset tummy or period cramps for example, I lay on my tummy and it helps?

So I thought ok, crack these tummy probs once and for all and then maybe, just maybe, he will sleep on his back!?

Again after much research it seems other people that LO’s suffer with wind also sleep on their tummy... and then I started reading about comfort milk. I literally spent hours researching while he slept on me (I probably should have slept too) and then went straight out with him this morning to get some comfort milk.... so far so good. Some say give it 2/3 weeks but I’ve already noticed such a difference in him and his wind it’s unbelievable! So I’m going to give it a week or so then re try him on his back in his Moses. Wish me luck ladies. Hopefully I’m not clutching at straws here haha!

In other news, my OH took him up to grandmas when he got home so I could get my clean on. I feel so happy that my house is sparkling again 😁

I'm really shocked the midwife said its ok for him to sleep on your chest, sleeping on you is the most dangerous way of co-sleeping. Sleeping in bed with you, however, is safe if you follow co-sleeping guidelines.

In terms of swaddling, have you tried a really tight swaddle - one he can't escape from? Babies fidget a lot initially when swaddled but once they stop resisting (because they can't resist anymore), they then sleep so much better. It does take perseverance - I gave up far too soon with my eldest thinking she hates it but used a miracle blanket second time round and it made a huge difference. 4 weeks is not too young to add it in. Add in some white noise too and I would put DS to sleep on his side and then roll him onto his back once asleep

You are completely correct about the tummy discomfort and sleeping on their tummies - my second was exactly like that and I would give him lots of tummy time during the day to help pass the wind and keep him comfortable. I don't know much about formula as I ebf but I hope the comfort milk has done the trick for you