Please help! I'm at a loss what to do

[HelenMummyof2]

I have a gorgeous 8 month old girl who is perfect in every way.... but she is a terrible sleeper. I'm so sleep deprived I am always picking up bugs and getting ill, I'm snappy with the rest of the family and I have no energy for anything. It's really affecting my mood too and I feel so low.

My DD has never slept through the night, used to have awful trouble with gassy tummy but this seems to be better now.

We have a bed time routine, always have. This include a bath, pj's milk and sleep. She always goes to sleep.

Trouble is she unsettles herself constantly. We use a dummy and white noise, which helps but for the next 10-11 hours she constantly (every half an hour or so) wakes up and needs either cuddling to sleep or I can sometimes get away with patting and shushing. We co sleep as it's the only way I get any rest. We have tried her in her own room several times, she is not phased by her cot but i am up and down constantly so I get less sleep.

She is weaned and has three meals her day as well as full milk feeds. Although sometimes leaves some milk. She has been having a midnight feed then nothing until breakfast but the last week or so she's been having up to three feeds per night. This doesn't concern me as she must need them right now.
It's the unsettling that I don't know what to do about.

I can't do controlled crying, it makes me far too anxious.

Questions is - is there something else I can try? Or do I just have to ride this out and it will improve over time?

I would appreciate any advice, reassurance guidance or tips!

Thanks for reading.

Time is the only cure, Im sorry. I have been there and it is so hard but she will get better with time.

My best sleeper is the one i reassured the most and had in a sling cuddling her mostly all the time, so i am glad I never left any of them cry now. No way could i have done that either.

You are doing great.

Thank you lucky stars. Your post made me smile and feel a bit better!!

Gradual retreat.

Involves no crying and takes a bit longer. But she will stop waking for reassurance because she knows you will be there.

The good thing is she goes to sleep on her own, so she can do it.

Hang in there, I had a terrible sleeper. Woke up every 10-30 mins in the night. Every night. I was broken, but gradual retreat worked.

I’ve been there too. DD was a terrible sleeper (day and night) and I feel like I spent most of my mat leave getting her to sleep and back to sleep. It gradually improved around 8/9 months from memory and she would have a proper 2 hour nap in her cot and eventually sleep through the night! We did go through a period of co sleeping which I thought would never end but now she insists to stay in her own bed whenever she does wake and needs settling!

It's so hard to cope with being sleep deprived. You seem to understand what it's all about. Is there a chance to get a break for a night? Can you do first part of the night and partner take over for second part?

Thanks all.

Yes hubby shares the load when he can but he's at work and obviously needs more sleep. DD is all about me too (which is lovely but hard work too) and doesn't always settle for DH.

Gradual retreat? What steps did you go through?

So nice for people to post replies, thank you xx

Controlled crying isn’t the only option. And sometimes, I don’t think time is the only solution!

Can she find her own dummy? We had to stop DS’s dummy because he couldn’t and the impact on my health wasn’t manageable, but he was younger so I imagine your DD can find hers.

You could have a look at this popular old thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sleep/1394888-What-worked-for-us-Hope-this-helps

Involves no crying and takes a bit longer

Actually gradual retreat involves a lot of crying for some babies.

OP 8-10 months is notoriously difficult sleepwise with babies, try to just hang on and come out the other side.

Thank you everyone....

So I've read the method on the linked thread (is this gradual retreat??) not sure. And was feeling really motivated to try it tonight. But I'm in two minds now given that this would appear to be a notoriously difficult time for babies (8-10 months) so don't want to set myself up to fail and about kill myself with less sleep!

Things have definitely got worse since hitting 8 months but DD has never been a good sleeper and only wants to be held most
Of the time!

Really unsure whether to try it or ride it out now?!?

I feel your pain! My boy is now 10.5 months. Had never slept through,woke every 1-2 hours and was awake for 2-3 hours in the middle of the night when the 8-10 month regression hit. I would have to walk around the room rocking him for hours every night.
We started bedsharing at this point as it was easier if I was next to him to try and settle him again.
This didn’t really solve it,so I started a food diary to see if anything was making his tummy windy and noticed a few things that I’ve since cut out. His first two teeth popped through during this time too. For about 2 months it was brutal,I was maybe getting 4 hours sleep a night.
I tried the method on the link above a few months ago but unfortunately didn’t work for us,any gentle ‘sleep training’ either didn’t work or worked for about a week. We never tried controlled crying or anything like that as I wouldn’t want to let him cry.

So I just bedshared with him and we decided to ride it out.
And then.... the last few nights he has slept 9 hours solid!! Never ever happened before and it may not last but it’s been amazing!
So I’ve rambled and probably haven’t been very helpful but wanted to let you know that I’ve been where you are and come out the other side :)

Oh thank you moreteaplease84
Sorry you went through this but your post has spurred me on a bit! I literally could be writing about my baby! It's so tough isn't it?
I am desperate to enjoy this time with her.
DH and are tag teaming tonight to get much sleep as possible! Xxx

Gradual retreat involves no crying. I’ve done it, it’s very gentle.

I used millpond sleep clinic because I was losing my mind with lack of sleep.

You gradually change things in tiny steps each day. So day one might be cuddling to sleep in your arms, day two is cuddles in arms near cot and so on until you are leaning into cot cuddling, then holding in the cot, hand on baby in cot, next to cot, then eventually you get to the door and then the other side of the door waiting outside.

So it’s the same in the night at wakings. Over time you lessen the contact, reassuring all the time with your voice.

It’s didnt mean crying for us, I was too broken to have coped with any crying,.

I’d have loved 4 hrs sleep a night. I considered myself lucky if I got an hour.

We were an extreme case.

The other thing we used was a thing. A toy or something to cuddle. Baby only gets it at bedtime. So it’s a sleep cue.

If you google millpond they might have tips. Or I’d recommend using them.

Same. I’d get a couple of hours in the night then my husband would take over for a couple of hours before he started work so I’d sneak in an extra hour or two.
It is tough,gradual retreat never worked for us as if we didn’t pick him up within 1 minute he would be screaming so hysterically he would be gagging. But the post above sounds interesting! If baby didn’t cry that’s great,my boy gets himself in such a state so quickly I would just cave but we never tried it as described above.
Pp how long did that technique take? It’s one I’m willing to try if things go crazy again

I also second a toy/comforter if your baby doesn’t have one. Didn’t seem to help during the regression but my son loves his comforter

The whole routine we used took 5 weeks. That was from waking every 10mins-an hour if lucky. No daytime naps and lots of crying from baby and me.

To 12 hr a night sleeps and two 90min day naps.

We used gradual retreat as I said above. No tears. It was teeny steps. Also day naps were strict. Timing wise. But strict as it was, it worked. I was too tired to notice sleep cues and we were so overtired, our sleep hormones weren’t working. So it was adrenaline keeps all of us awake.

They recommended loads of other little tweaks, I can’t remember them all as I was sleep deprived. But it was tailored to us, and our situation.

We had a weekly phone call and daily emails from the sleep consultant. We had the best in the country helping us. At the same time she was helping a very well known Professor (medical) grandchild.

Does she manage to nap at all during the day?

I guess I was lucky as my children slept through from a relatively young age. But things I found helped settle them back to sleep more quickly when they did wake up were: No eye contact. I mean, it feels a bit weird, but it seems to work. I think the eye contact seems to be quite stimulating. Also, not walking around the house, just staying in the same darkened room. Basically making night time wakenings a bit boring, I guess.

And if she wakes up, just wait a little before going to her. I'm talking maybe 10-15 seconds. Sometimes, they just go back to sleep.

Thanks all. I might give millipond a call.

DD naps 3 times per day but likes to be held , she's unsettled during them too.

Thankfully last night was a little better.

Keeping everything crossed xx

Millpond are amazing, I can’t recommend them highly enough. My friend used them and recommended them to me.

The cost is brilliant value for money. It saved my sanity and my marriage.

We had the “core sleep package” which was £250 7 yrs ago, I see now it’s £299 so it hasn’t gone up much since then. That’s phone calls and daily email advice. Honestly it will work. We had Mandy the founder she was so kind.