Desperate advice needed - 4 month old

[mummyp3e3]

Hi all,

I am a ftm to a 18 week old baby girl. She's never been a great sleeper, but the past few weeks it's been horrific. Refusing to nap in the day, when napping wakes up after 20 minutes absolutely hysterical and feeding is the only way to calm her down. She's often gone up to 4pm in the day without napping. Night time sleep is even worse, takes over an hour and half to finally settle her then put her down, she wakes up after an hour, resettle the manages a 3 hour stretch then from 1am onwards just becomes hysterical, does not settle, keeps waking after being put down, I'm at my wits end I really am. Last night she woke up at 3am and was wide awake until 6.30am I tried everything, rocking, swaddling, feeding, shhhsing, patting etc nothing works, in the end I just put her down awake in the crib with night light on and sat up with her, (crying through sheer exhaustion) OH has a very demanding job and works extremely long hours and is unable to help with the night time, he's also sleeping on the sofa. Most of the time during feeding she latches on and off and cries and let's out gas, I've tried changing positions, keeping her upright, tummy time to relieve gas, she's on omperozole for reflux but I feel it's making it worse :( I really don't know what to do, we follow a loose bedtime routine of bath at 7 and feed from 7.30 onwards, her put down time varies between 8.30-9.00. I took her to the baby clinic on Tuesday, HV suggested stopping feeding to sleep and trying controlled crying, but I really feel at 4 months she is too young for this. I really need some advice. She sleeps in a crib with the drop down side next to me.

Sounds a lot like 4 month sleep regression. It was horrendous for me and I wasn’t breastfeeding so can’t imagine how you feel. Do you co sleep? I always said id never do it but it’s what got me through it in the end. I went from being up every hour or so to getting about 3 hour stretches and now LO is nearly six months old and she sleeps in her own cot. I know you worry about creating bad habits but do whatever you can to get sleep. Also sounds like she is over tired so maybe try and get her to nap as much as possible maybe in her pram in the day and this might help overnight sleep. Good luck

She naps in the day if we go out, pram and car but immediately when it stops she is awake. She never quite makes it into a deep sleep. Please tell me it gets better :( she was having a morning nap then a longer afternoon nap now it's a struggle getting her to nap at all. I did Co sleep to start with but I wasn't sleeping at all through fear of rolling over onto her so slept upright, got even less sleep then I am now. It's making me want to stop breastfeeding :'( honestly can't even begin to tell you how exhausted I am, this morning she cried non stop, when she was in the bouncy chair, I didn't know what to do :'( trying to give her extra comfort and cuddles but she mistakes it for feeding I am just so helpless :(

Don’t feel guilty if you choose to stop breastfeeding, your baby needs a happy and well rested Mum! It took me a while to get use to co sleeping, in the early days I never thought I’d be able to do it. Another option is to do some gentle sleep training but nothing too much as she is only young, maybe ssshh and pat so she gets use to falling asleep in her cot. It honestly does get better, I remember around that age thinking I’d made a huge mistake having a bag and then feeling terribly guilty. My LO now falls asleep by herself at around 7.30/8pm and sleeps until 4am then she gets in with me and sleeps until around 7.30am. I know you say your OH had a demanding job but helping out say one or two nights a week won’t hurt him. You and the baby should be the priority at the minute.

I agree, sounds like 4 month regression and your DD sounds just like mine was 2 years ago. She was a chronic nap refuser from 2 weeks old and also used to go until 4pm (or later) without napping at all.

From reading your post, one thing that stands out to me (and I also used to do) is that you tried so many different things to try get her to sleep. Try pick one (for example, rocking) and consistently do that every time you are putting her to sleep. Unless she needs to be fed or changed, just keep doing this in the dark until she goes to sleep with no other stimulation. With hindsight, this is what I should have done with mine - I would try something and she protest so I think its not working and then switch to another. I should have persevered past her protests as I was still there with her, cuddling and comforting her, not leaving her alone to cry. Once you've got her consistently sleeping well and not overtired, you can gradually work on her starting to go to sleep alone.

I definitely wouldn't do CC on a 4 month old - I don't understand why Has give such outdated advice - NHS clearly do not recommend it for young babies.

Mine was also exactly the same in pram - I used to walk for 2+ hours a day to get her to nap for just 20-30 minutes. The second I walked up my road (not even stopping), her eyes would ping open - she seemed to know the second we were near home.

She's not like this because you are breastfeeding - I ebf both of mine and my second is so so different with sleep compared to her. I know how hard it is and how tempting it is to give up, but don't give up for the wrong reasons. I feel like some babies just have that personality - at 2 yrs old, my DD will still avoid napping or sleep late given the opportunity, I just don't give her the option to miss out on sleep

My first was like this, she needed to be somewhere quite and dark to sleep at this age, and she needed way more sleep than I thought. She was combi feed. My second was barely any bother at this age. He was ebf, they are just different people.