My 4 year old gets in my bed every night wwyd

[cavycavy]

My 4 year old has always been a good/average sleeper. When she turned 3 she suddenly became aware of being alone when waking in the middle of the night and started waking me up. I’m not entirely sure how it came about but she now climbs into my bed at midnight pretty much every night and has done for at least 6 months.

She doesn’t wake me up, so I don’t lose out on sleep and if I’m honest it doesn’t particularly bother me.

My husband sleeps in his room, we have always slept separately and that’s normal for us.

However, we are TTC and I’m worried about how my 4 year old climbing into my bed will work if I’m awake feeding the baby. A crying baby will wake her and then I worry all manner of chaos will ensue.

Do you recommend I start enforcing sleeping alone on my 4 year old now? Or shall I see how it goes and cross that bridge if I get to it?

I would cross that bridge when you come to it. Your dd is saying to you that whatever reason at this point in her life she needs comfort, so I would just let her. She’ll come back out of it when she’s ready. My 3 year old spent two weeks in my bed when she started nursery, a week when she had a cold etc etc. What worked for us was getting her a new bed, we found out she slept better in ours as it was comfy so we swapped her bed for a firmer mattress. I also spent a few nights getting into her bed with her instead of her coming to me later in the night so that eventually she felt safe again in her bed after a nightmare she had had.

If the baby keeps waking her I’m sure she’d get right back out and get in her own bed.

My now 6 year old still sleeps in our bed, 10 year old grew out of it. We move DS (6 yo) at night usually, sometimes he wanders back through if he wakes - we've resolved ourselves to this being him for a while and that's ok

I agree with a pp you can cross that bridge if and when it becomes a problem.

Dd was 4 when ds came along and we all bundled in together for a while. No problems with sleep, dd never felt pushed out or replaced by ds and although it was a bit cramped at times (dh would sometimes go and sleep in dds bed) it was just normal for us.

Dd eventually stopped coming in and it was just me, dh and ds for a.few years. Now ds is 8 and just comes in after he gets up to pee around 6. I think he will probably stop altogether soon and I will miss his little sweaty head and snuggles.

If it's not a problem at the moment and you are all happy I would just go with it.

Just let her. If you don't mind, it'll likely stop of its own accord and if not, I'd deal with it later. I left ds and he stopped age 6. I miss him creeping through at 2am.

Ok great! Thank you. I wanted to hear that. The thought of putting her through enforced lone sleeping breaks my heart and, frankly, I’m not sure I’ve got the energy for it.

I quite like the idea of having both my children in with me all snuggled up!

You could try popping her back in her own bed when you find her. My DSD tries to come in many nights she’s with us. She’s almost sleep walking/hardly awake but she knows what she’s doing. I think it’s just to have reassurance that her dad is there (and chancing her luck that she can slip in un-noticed and last the night!). Whichever of us wakes up pops her back in her own bed and she’s quickly fast asleep again. She knows she’s always welcome for cuddles in bed when it’s almost time to get up.

My 7y old was doing that until I changed her blanket, giving her fluffy goose down DOUBLE blanket instead of her old ordinary single. Turned out, she loved our comfy blanket.

If it’s not an issue for you, it doesn’t sound like it needs changing. If you find it does become an issue, let her cuddle for a bit, and then if you wake up and find her there, take her back to her room, tuck her in nice and snug, give her a kiss or whatever and then hopefully she’ll nod straight back off again. She’s probably just looking for a bit of reassurance.

It’s a non issue, she just wants to be near you.

If you want to change it I agree with taking her shopping for a new duvet and comfy pillows she can pick herself.

My DD is very nearly 5and was very similar, coming in every night around 2am. I'm 34 weeks pregnant now, but we waited until she was as old as possible (allowed her to continue in our bed while she transitioned to school) and we had a clear run of 4-6 weeks when we knew we'd be sleeping at home and when everyone was healthy and there wasn't a heatwave etc. We started with me going into her bed (repeating mantra of "you don't sleep in mummy's bed any more remember?") When she woke up, then I got a Z-bed in her room and would go in. We've just had the first full week of her sleeping through in her own bed (bar 2 nights where she's needed tucking in). It has taken a couple of months but there have been no tears. I think you need to adjust gradually and there is plenty of time!

Another friend has a mattress on ever bedroom floor that any of her DC can use whenever they want.

I personally wouldn't choose to co sleep with a much older child and newborn but of course your DD going in with DH could be an option too.

My plan is a ‘next to you’ style crib and I’d sleep between the baby and child. We’ve got a super long so a fair bit of space.

I hadn’t even thought of the safety issue of child and baby in same bed. Although baby would be in the crib.

Super long = superking!

Nothing to add other than I'm feeling the love for the seperate bedrooms. My OH and I don't live together yet but that's a priority. Two good size bedrooms for each of us. Sorry for the derail but when I mention it to friends I get a raised eyebrow

Mine slept with me until secondary school. It wasn't an issue. Adults enjoy human contact so no reason why children shouldn't

My 6 year old is the same. I have broken the habit twice before with the use of rewards charts and earning a specific toy after sleeping 2 weeks in her own bed. She slept in her room for a couple of months each time then something happened, eg she was unwell or had a bad nightmare then ended up coming back with me. I'm not that bothered so I just let her come in. If I want her in her own room I'll try another reward chart or I figure there will come a time where she doesn't want to come in anymore.

I'm having the same with my 5yo, it's something I have just got used to as I've given up trying to get her to stay in her room lol. I shall miss it one day, they don't stay little for long

That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking. These childhood years when they want to snuggle with us are so short. I’m happy to enjoy every minute!

@donajimena we’ve done it on and off from the very beginning. Partly, for a while, because DH worked night shifts. But mainly because we both like different conditions to sleep. I went through a short stage of worrying what it meant and if it was normal, but after we had a baby it became a non issue because we really needed to prioritise sleep.

We often fall asleep together and when I wake up in the night I realise he has gone into his room. Shortly after, our LO walks in!! Sometimes she gets in when DH is there and she declares “Daddy what are YOU doing here?!” Lol. We’ve explained most couples do sleep together though, and she knows the grandparents do.

We share a bed on holidays but this year have booked a house with a spare room just in case I’m pregnant and snoring!!

We both dream of sleeping together when we get older. But it would take some getting used to!!

Ds started coming into our bed about three weeks ago. He didn’t do it at all during the week last week but has done last night and the night before. He brings his dummy and his comforter and just climbs in. He goes back to sleep. I’ve just decided to put up with it for now as it doesn’t really disturb us any! He’s nearly 2 and a half.

I just wish he’d go to sleep without me having to sit in but hey ho it is what it is right now! He won’t want to one day.

We just need a bigger bed lol.

Well, for the first time in MONTHS my DD didn’t come into my bed last night! I really missed her! (And I checked to see if she was ok).

In the morning I said “hey where were you last night?” And she said “sorry Mummy, but I can’t cuddle you EVERY night you know” whilst rolling her eyes! Lol

Ds was 11:15 last night....

He slept all night in our bed. Just going to have to deal with it I think!