Routine for 14 month old on 1 nap

[MsBranwen]

My 14.5 month old has recently dropped morning nap (about 3 weeks ago) as it was getting impossible to fit in 2 naps and get him to bed before 9. When we were on 2 naps we had a really good routine and most days I had a sense of what I needed to be doing, even if it didn't always work out.

However, now I've no idea what I'm doing! He's started working up much earlier in the mornings and often taking longer to settle at night and I'm thinking he's probably overtired... but I've no idea how to find the 'sweet spot' between over and under tired.

He's been having a nap of about 1.5-2.5 hours starting around 12ish and waking around 6. Then bedtime has ranged from 7-8.30.

I feel like more consistency would definitely be beneficial but not sure what routine we need.

My 15mos routine goes something like this:

8am wake up
12pm nap for 1.5 hrs
7pm bedtime

He has just dropped his morning nap and had also started sleeping in later, maybe to compensate? He wakes at least twice in the night still though

Personally I think your LOs bedtime is too late. How does he sleep during the night?

I think bedtime has definitely been too late some days too. I've been so worried that an early bedtime will mean an early wake (even though I've read that the opposite is often true).

He sleeps pretty well at night and normally only wakes once or not at all. On nights where he doesn't wake he usually then wakes earlier the next morning though. And if he wakes after 5 it's impossible to get him back to sleep... and on those early start days I feel even more lost about when naps and bedtime should be.

Did 6.30 bedtime tonight and he settled to sleep by 7.15 so will see how it goes.

Yeah I've also read about the early bedtime late rise. And I've been there with the 5am wake ups too so I sympathise!

When DSs sleep is bad I just remind myself that all these early rises etc have been a phase and last for a week or so and then things get easier or change.

I'd definitely start a reliable routine with your LO. DS has dinner at 5:15ish, then bath at 6ish. Out of the bath at about 6:20 then he plays for a little while and we try and wind him down. In the bedroom for 6:45ish to put on his nappy and pjs and he likes to watch his star projector and jump around the bed. I'm still bfing so at 7pm we then say night to dada and go around the room and say 'night night door, night night blind' etc haha it's silly but he likes it. Then I sing twinkle twinkle, feed him until he super drowsy and put him in his cot. Some days he's still energetic or chats in his cot but he eventually conks out. Anyway that's worked for us (kind of as he still wakes to feed! ) but I think the routine is soothing to him.

My 1yo gets up 8.30/9 ish and has breakfast, then a nap around 1 ish after lunch, snack after the nap, dinner about 7 then bed about 8.

DD is 20m but we've had roughly the same routine since 12m:

6-6:45 wake up
8:00 breakfast
10:30 Snack
12:30 lunch
1:00pm-3pm nap
4pm snack
5:30pm dinner
6:30 bath
7pm bed

I read an article that stated that 7pm is optimum bedtime as cortisol (stress hormone) levels are at their lowest and melatonin (sleep hormone) at its highest. DD had been going to bed at 8 but I brought it forward to 7 and immediately realised that 8 had been too late for her as she went to sleep with less of a battle at the earlier time of 7

Following as DS is attempting to drop his nap, however is only 12 months next week.

Currently he is awake 3.5 hours between naps but then it can push bedtime late which is where I think we are going wrong as we are not rigid in set times, it's all determined pretty much by what time he wakes up. (Usually 6-7am)

Thanks so much for all the responses. It's so hard working out the timings... we've has the same bedtime routine for ages but think I need to start being more consistent about the time it starts.

After the earlier bedtime last night DS slept through until 6.50 so I think earlier probably is the way to go. Interesting point @INeedNewShoes about 7 being optimum in terms of sleep hormones.

Today I have to be out all day and dont know if I'll be home until 7 so will all go out of the window again probably...

No advice here @MsBranwen but you are at exactly the same stage and age as me with DS so reading with interest.

We were having two naps without problem but since he turned one his night sleep has improved massively (no only one or two wakes, but occasionally none). He's suddenly twigged about self settling and will happily stay in his cot all night but the nap situation is so stressful at the moment. I so terrified if he gets over otred again it'll ruin his nights.

At the moment we are skipping between one or two naps. We it's really hard to plan anything and we are missing his activities. One nap results in a very early bedtime, and two naps means late bedtime. He can wake anywhere between 5 and 7am....

@NaiceHamPlease I totally hear you about worrying the overtiredness will mess up the (suddenly improved) nights but also how the nap struggle totally messes up the daytime activities! For this reason we have gone totally cold turkey on naps, so we can be out every morning and then home for an early lunch before I put him in bed (as in pram he'll only ever do 45 mins max). This definitely means he goes into that first nap overtired and it can be a struggle to keep him awake on the way home... but I find it helps me stay sane and him have more fun.

Do you notice whether your morning wake time seems different whether you've had early or late bedtime?

@MsBranwen it's a planning nightmare isn't it . I think I'm going to have to follow your lead and just go for one nap. Last two days we've done two but it pushes his afternoon nap so late I'm having to wake him up before he's ready. It's also hard work to get him to sleep for either.

I do think he sleeps longer if he goes down earlier but weirdly if he wakes in the middle of the night he'll sleep later too, I don't always BF him so I don't think he's hungry. Last night he went down at 7.30ish after a late second nap. He briefly woke at 4am (!) squarked a few times then went back to sleep but was bouncing round the cot, and very upset by 5.30am. He had a long BF then was up but not very happy about it...

I have noticed if I can get him to have two naps (and wake him after 30mins for the first one) he'll will sleep much longer for the second, up to 3hrs if there is enough time in the day. Occasionally he'll do this on a one nap day but more often than not he'll only do 1.5hrs, but the more tired he is the shorter the nap.... It's driving me bonkers. I'm obsessed after a year with no more than 2hrs sleep at a time and cosleeping with one boob out for most of that!

@NaiceHamPlease I very much share your obsession after a v tough year with a v sleep resistant baby!

I was finding I had to wake him during his 2nd nap too and then he would be really grumpy for the rest of the day. Now that he's just having 1 I let him sleep for as long as he likes and even if it isn't v long he still seems less upset if he's able to wake naturally so we have happier afternoons.

I'm trying to do his nap at 12 every day now and then bedtime around 6.30/7 but am finding he's often so sleepy around 11 its hard to keep him awake on the way home so that we can do 11.30 lunch then bed for his sleep. I find it easier if I use the sling, then I can keep him awake but I feel so mean!

Have you tried going down to just 1 every day regardless?

Ha... Glad it's not just me I had decided to go for just one nap and stick to it but DS has been waking way to early. He's been stirring 4am or so, getting himself back to sleep initially but then properly awake by 5.30 so I'd need to do his nap at 10.30, I'm not sure he'd last the afternoon. I might try that but we'd literally miss every class and meet up, and we'd both go mad. I did try and push him till 11 yesterday but he fell asleep in the car for 10mins at 10 so didn't go down till 12.30. I woke him at 3 and yes, he was mega grumpy till bedtime!

He had a disrupted night last night, brief wake at 2am, self settled but them screaming at 3.30 and I didn't calm him back to sleep till 4, he was up at 5.50. He happily went down at 9.20 for 30mins, I woke him up to go out and he was so tired I got him back to sleep at 12.30 which is very unusual. I think he might be coming down with something

I can't really see we can get into a better routine until he's sleeping longer and later, the few nights he's gone right through on his own he only manages 10.5hrs so makes for an early start and a long day.

Although I'm very grateful for the long block of sleep and him being in his cot all night (after coming to the brink of madness last year) the unrelenting early mornings are really getting to me, and I rarely settle back to sleep after he stirs, but I even if I don't need to go to him!

It sounds like your ds does really still need those 2 naps as he's waking so early @NaiceHamPlease, but it sounds so frustrating! And it is so isolating not being able to get out and do activities.

I keep thinking that this isn't the sort of mum I thought I'd be, tied to a schedule and running home for naps but I feel like its what ds needs, the routine really helps him I think but my social life has definitely really suffered as a result.

Those early starts sound brutal, it's so hard to settle back to sleep once you've been woken isn't it? Even if they resettle themselves.

Do you have any help in the nights/mornings so that you could get a rest occasionally?

@MsBranwen just checking in to see how you are getting on, have you reached the holy grail of one nap at 12 now?

We are firmly back onto 2 naps days... It really must have been some sort of phase of nap resistance. We've had 7 days straight now of 2 naps, although I'm capping the morning one at 30 mins so we are managing to get out and about. I'm pretty much feeding DS to sleep for naps again but he's still self settling at night so hopefully it won't cock everything up.

It's just me that does all the child care, H is completely hands off (another thread in its self ), he's never done a night wake, nap or meal. He does DS's bath if he's here, he's away with work probably 4 days out of 7. He sleeps separately so won't get up in the morning as isn't aware when DS wakes... he thought he slept through till 6.30am apparently .

Since we've caught up on some sleep nights have been better, I did get a lie in till 6.30 yesterday but it was 5 today! I'm going to carry on with 2 naps until DS is doing 11hrs over night I think otherwise the days are just too long!

@NaiceHamPlease it sounds like the 2 naps is working for you at the moment. Really glad you're managing to get out and about, it's so important I think, otherwise the days are just too long and lonely. Maybe gradually you could reduce that morning nap even more until it's just 10 mins to help you get a better and longer lunchtime nap?

Last week we got into a pretty good rhythm of 6am wake, 12 nap for a couple of hours and then bed at 7... then ds and I went out for the day and he only had a 45 min nap and everything has gone a bit nuts again but hopefully will regain rhythm again.

Really sorry that your H is so useless! That must be so so difficult and so exhausting for you. Is there any way you see the situation changing? (Feel free to not answer this if it's not something you want to talk about).