Do you always respond at night?

[Jasperjonesc]

I'm a ftm and trying to get our 5 month old to stick with 7-7 sleep schedule. So much conflicting advice online/ in books!

My question- when your baby wakes in the night, (say 20 mins after a feed so you know they're not hungry), and starts making little stirring noises that increase to sneezing (a sneeze is always a preamble to crying here!) What do you do? Do you comfort at that point? Leave to settle even if that means baby starts crying/ not falling back to sleep themselves?

I'm trying not to pick my boy up in the night and generally reduce any kind of comfort other than a gentle hand on his chest if really needed. Not sure if thats right or not!

All this "self settling" is so confusing as feel like its essentially ignore baby while he makes little moany noises and only respond if he's getting OTT?

Honestly feel like 90% of my days are now spent thinking about my babys sleep!

5 months is way to early to sleep 12 hours. I was expecting to his thread to be about a toddler. Unless unhappy I wouldn’t probably leave a baby but NO I would not leave a baby to cry.

By 6 months DD was in bed with me so I did always reapond was I was not always really awake. So it may have been a cuddle, stroke or few words. She slept much better when we started to her share.

As long as you are responding to his needs their is no wrong. Remember cuddling babies is essential for their development.

I wouldn't leave a 5 month old to self settle ever, they are still so tiny and scared of being alone. Can you co-sleep or have baby in your room next to the bed so you can reach over without having to get up?

My 3 yo doesn't sleep 12 hours unless in our bed. 5 months is too young, go and comfort.

I am a firm believer in loving my child when she cries or is sad

She's now 20 and I still do that if she's sad or feels bad

Ignoring her was not something I ever did and it's the same now

She is super independent and a very happy intelligent adult

I have no idea where you are coming from, @Jasperjonesc - your idea seems crazy to me

I am not convinced all infants have the ability to self-settle

Yes. DS is nearly 14 months, last night he’d gone to bed as normal. Woken up three hours later which is strange, and 20 mins after he’d fallen asleep, he was making a long moaning noise. Not crying but didn’t sound happy. I had just got into bed, I was so tempted to leave him, but I got up anyway.
He’d had an upset tummy and needed a change of nappy and some cuddles. I’d have felt so guilty if I’d left him!

You will find you actually get more sleep if you respond to their needs as you can all go back to bed afterwards rather than listening to a baby cry while you’re awake in bed

*20 mins after I’d fed him and he’d fallen back asleep

Where is OP suggesting that she leaves her baby to cry? Calm it down.

OP these threads tend to attract the "I DIDN'T LEAVE MY BABY TO BREATHE LOUDLY ALONE UNTIL THEY WERE 18" hysterics so get your hard hat on.

Personally unless my baby was actually upset (grizzling, whining, crying, or any unusual noises etc) I'd leave her be. We all stir in the night, adults included.1

Op I did what you're doing. When mine were babies I waited until they were actually crying before going in to them. I quite often found that they'd fall back to sleep so if I'd leapt up to comfort them I'd have only woken them up more and if I'd gone to get their bottle ready I'd have wasted the milk. They slept 7-7 from before 5 months, both of them.

@Limpshade

Thanks for the clarification

I did read the OP that the question was 'as long as my baby is fed, should I leave him/her to cry which is what will happen after the sneeze'

My bad if I over-read

@Gina2012 that was my understanding too.

I'm in agreement with Limpshade and Spring.
No need to co sleep, jump up at every whimper etc, if what you are doing works for you.

Mine slept with me until 3 (elder) and 5 (younger) because is was less exhausting than getting up and down. Dd2 has the most horrible night terrors, even at 7 or 8 they affected her in fact.

No, don't leave your baby to cry under the age of six months. I wouldn't at all, but after six months it's apparently less damaging than before that age.

Totally agree with Limpshade & Spring but these are deeply unpopular views on Mumsnet so probably people who didn’t rush to pick up their baby after ever snuffle will just avoid these threads.

I’ve been accused of ‘abuse’ by following a strict sleep training programme, but the result was a baby that slept from 7am-7pm with one very quick night feed until 8 months and then slept through. And that included time in hospital for major surgery.

Now approaching his 18th birthday and no signs of long term damage .

Baby will probably fall asleep faster if you give them a little cuddle. You can get back to sleep faster.
Babys dont learn to self settle through being ignored, they learn to give up because no-one is coming.
Baby will naturally settle themself through sleep cycles as they get older, feeling safe and confident mum is there will help this. It can be a long time tho. My 9mo is up quite a bit at the moment due to 3teeth at once and a cold 😢 but it really is just part of it

All 3 of my children slept 12 hours straight within the first 3 months of their lives (doesn't mean we didn't have hiccups), so no 5 months is not too young, of course not all babies will be ready.

In general as long as baby isn't crying we leave them to it. I can't think I ever left any of mine to cry and always provided comfort but I see no need to jump at every squawk. It's a bit of a judgement call though. For example if they wake up at 2am chattering then we wait 5 mins and see if they go back to sleep. If not then we put the dream sheep on and then they drift off back to sleep. However the same tactic might not work so close to morning at say 5am and so I'd likely cuddle back to sleep if they woke up.

We've always been quite structured about sleep and overthougt it a lot which has imo led to good sleepers. Lots of night time sleep and lots of naps. The trick is working out what works for your child's individual needs - I say that after many many struggles.

Thanks everyone; yes i definitely don't leave my boy to cry in the middle of the night but its more those little noises- not knowing whether to comfort or whether that will wake him up more. I don't want to get into the habit of responding evety time he's transitioning between sleep cycles as i really want him to sleep longer without my help.

In your shoes I'd just carry on doing as you're doing. There's nothing wrong with leaving your baby for a bit if he is fairly settled and just making noises.

Agree with PP- if just gurgling, babbling or kicking I tend to wait to see if she drops off on her own or starts to fuss. If she sounds distressed then I go in.