Dream baby changed over night at 10 weeks :(

[domisaag]

HELP! My 10 week EBF baby has dramatically changed in the past two days. She has always struggled with naps, but was improving, we were putting her down with eyes open and with a moderate amount of encouragement and not much protesting she would nod off. We were using sleep cues; shooshing white noise app, swaddling and dummy in a dimly lit room. HOWEVER in the past 2 days she has screamed the house down every time I put her down and will only sleep on me, even then it's only for 10 minute bursts. It's like she has negative associations with the routine we are trying to instill.

She is fussy and very needy, neither of which she was before. As far as wonder weeks goes she has supposedly come out of leap 2, but she's worse than ever! I'm tearing my hair out, can't put her down without inconsolable crying. She is so distressed. I had to leave her crying during her morning 'nap' two days running because I was overwrought. I'm worried I've caused her to feel so distressed by leaving her to cry (only for 5 minutes on both occasions) as her behaviour seemed to change after these two spells. Is that purely coincidental??!

Oh and she hates the pram, cries pretty much the whole time and doesn't even really sleep in the sling either.

Is anyone else experiencing a similar change? Is there anything I can do to help settle her/undo negative associations?

Thank you!!!

Surreygirl, me too - thanks to the routine :D

@surreygirl1987 that's exactly the point I was making by saying you can't instil a routine at that age, because what will work for a few weeks here or there then won't, and as you say you don't expect it to last.
That's not instilling a strict routine, that's knowing what works at the time which is different, because you will respond to your babies needs as they change. You can't expect a 10 week old baby to fit a strict routine and stay like that.

It might be that she is actually needing a bit more awake time now she is getting a little older - may not quite be tired enough when you are putting her down. What’s her current wake time?

As for PPs saying to forget about routine, just cuddle her etc, OP may be keen on routine, which is fine - it works well for some people & babies, but often needs adjusting as baby gets older.

Grinchy, you can help them to stay in the routine though - of course sometimes they will be a a bit off, but from 5 weeks ds was mainly following the routine. It is possible. Thousands have succeeded.

Sipper agreed... Both gina f and little ones have cinstabtly changing awake windows. At 10 weeks I believe this is 2-2.5 hrs

@Alyosha it's definitely important, and I wasn't criticising. I have had routine with my 3 & 5 year old from birth and they are wonderful sleepers, I just meant that you can't instil it, it doesn't work that way long term. And not as a criticism to op either.
I was making the point that it will go off track and that's ok because their needs change so much and so often and developmental stages mean they need different things at different times.
You can go with what baby needs at any given stage, and you can have a routine, but you can't instil it on a baby and not expect it to change.

As much as they need routine, they are all so different and part of it is getting to know your baby as they change so it has to be more routine centred around babies changing needs than routine instilled in a linear way.

Like mine had always had routine, I have never left them to cry or sleep trained, but the nights that I've soothes them to sleep in other ways or they have teethed or woken randomly after sleeping like a dream for months, I've known is nothing to do with whether we have routine, whether that has been instilled by me or led by baby, it just happens and you go with it and it passes and you won't even remember those nights 4 or 5 years down the line. I wasn't trying to be condescending, just that it's probably not that to blame, and you'll be fine and survive.

Sorry grinchy i do see what you mean! Any routine worth its salt will change as the baby grows, and ofncourse when ds has jabs or a cold the routine has to change a bit to accommodate it!

@grinchy yes I completely agree with the above- well put.

Sleep patterns change all the time- it's not you or anything you've done! Honestly please try not to tear yourself apart yet - you've not even hit the 4 month sleep regression yet and that can be hell! Your baby is tiny. It is very very unlikely that you are instilling any habits, bad or good, at this point. You say you are ebf - I'd start upping feeds in case it's a growth spurt and she's hungry. Do not be afraid to rock / cuddle / feed to sleep. Once your baby is a bit more settled you can go back to your previous strategies and routine. Good luck!

Just realised that a lot of you are talking about 'self-settling' 12 week olds as if that's job done. I'm afraid I have bad news for you! Mine self-settled at that point too - they don't really know what's going on and they can't see across the room to know if you're there! He stopped at four months - would scream inconsolably if we put him down and left - and has just decided he'll do it again, on a good day, at six months. Still doesn't sleep as long a stretch as he would at three months, though. Baby sleep isn't linear.

@surreygirl1987 and @Alyosha

So does mine, actually, most of the time, but as you've said yourselves this does need to alter depending on the needs of the child on a particular day. We have a bedtime and a routine that precedes it, as advised by health visitors-my point was that there are times when it won't work, such as llness, teething and clingy periods caused by developmental leaps, and that babies need to be comforted at these times. Cuddling, rocking or feeding to sleep at ten weeks old will not create harmful sleep associations that ruin any chance of self-settling forever more.

Hmmm. Haven't had that so far- but am dreading the 4 month sleep regression!

Hmmm. Haven't had that so far- but am dreading the 4 month sleep regression!

To be fair,with a less than 4 month old baby you can't say whether or not your routine has 'worked' or not as you haven't been through any major leaps or regression.

Another bit of anecdata for you, none of my 3 children behave ever had anything more than a child led routine...watch for sleepy signs, cuddle/feed to sleep. Co-sleep so cuddle/feed if they woke. Oldest ones are 8 and 6 and we have never had an issue with their sleep, both started self settling at about 18 months - 2 years. Youngest is only 15 months and will probably go the same way.

And yes...in a minus 4 month old baby they're not 'self settling' as much as just falling asleep.

I thought the neurological change that causes sleep regression can occur as early as 8 weeks?

Can, generally doesn't. Most of my friends' babies have had it at 4 months.

It's just waking up fully between sleep cycles right? Are people just attributing all poor sleep at 4 months to sleep regression rather than other possible causes

It's characterised by waking every 1-2 hours throughout the night. My baby was a great sleeper as a newborn, horrendous from around eight weeks for a month or so, gradually got better then really started to sleep for longer stretches at four months. So I presume she had her regression early (but I didn't know that's what it was at the time) when all my mum friends had babies that slept really well. Got to four months, most of their babies started waking every couple of hours at night and taking ages to soothe but mine got much better, I presume because she learned to link her sleep cycles at that time. She still cried when she woke then but didn't wake more than two or three times a night.

At six months she started to self settle (I could tell because if she woke when I was putting her in her cot, she just went back to sleep instead of crying to be picked up). Now, if she wakes and isn't hungry or uncomfortable, she goes back to sleep.