CIO help and advice, baby awake for long periods at night!!

[Tails5290]

I need some advice re cio please no parent bashing or being told I'm a bad mum, this is what we needed to do to help baby sleep better and for my sanity as a single parent to 3 children.

So my ds is 4 months old. For the first 4 months we co slept after trying many methods of getting baby in his own bed, this has resulted in many night time wakings and a very exhausted mum.

3 nights ago (after researching a tremendous amount and previously doing cio with my dd) I decided to begin sleep training.

1st night put in bed drowsy took 1 hour to get to sleep, this was made up of crying, moaning, talking and playing, when baby cried I went in and replaced dummy every 2,3,5 minutes. At night time wake up baby cake in my bed,
2nd night 1 hour before asleep following night 1 cycle of crying playing etc. Have a dream feed at 10. Now here where the problem lies...ds woke up at 2am and was awake crying moaning playing, I continued with the intervals I had set of going to him. He didn't stop until 5.30 when I gave him a bottle, then self settled straight away until 7.30 when I had to wake him.
3rd night asleep in 3 minutes of crying (not full on crying) and I dream fed at 10 again. Then he woke up again at 2-5.30am again until I fed him but only drank 2oz then was flat out until 7.30.

How can I stop the long night time waking? I know he's not particularly hungry, could he be getting too much daytime sleep?
Apart from this night time waking he is doing amazing and is pretty much self settling straight away

Tia

That's not CIO, that's controlled crying for a start. Have you tried giving a bottle when he first wakes rather than waiting 3 hours? After a 4 hour gap from the dream feed I would assume it is hunger and would offer a bottle rather than trying to settle with a dummy

I don't mean this unkindly but how do you know he's not hungry/thirsty. 2oz is a decent amount and if I need a drink sometimes I drink less and sometimes I drink more.

I know there's no consensus on sleep but you seem to be expecting a lot from a four month old? Particularly as you have been co-sleeping (Which I'm a fan of) it's quite a leap to go to sleep training. You also mention that you 'went in', just so you're aware in case you're not safe sleeping advice is to be in the same room for sleep and naps till 6 months.

I'm not sure you can stop those wak8ngs because some 4 months old just aren't ready for it. That seems to be why I can't f8bd anything that says sleep train before 6 months. I think you can try to establish a routine and good habits but carrying on 'training just seems to me to cause you more work in the long run, especially if it doesn't actually work. I do know it's hard being so tired though and I know you need sleep, is there any option for a sitter in the day and you can nap a bit?

Sorry on the cio/controlled crying front, in my sleepy state I've used the incorrect term. And Sorry I've missed some bits out as was writing this while my 7 year old was taking an age to put his school uniform on this morning.

The week before Xmas I thought we had cracked sleeping as he was going down at 7pm having 1-2 ounces at 2am then sleeping through until 7am, I've tried upping his milk in the day but he's rarely finishes a bottle. I know his hungry cry and this is not what I'm hearing in the night until about 5ish.
He also rarely finishes his whole dream fed bottle. I think I've made a typo, I say went in and meant went to. I stay in the room and out of sight the whole time, he sleeps in my bedroom with me. Sorry again if I've missed anything else out, I am not great at articulating what I'm trying to explain in text sometimes 🙈

I would try and hold off sleep training until about 6 months if you can. I know how tiring it is for you but its normal for babies to still wake frequently at this age, plus they go through a big developmental leap around 4 months which affects their sleep anyway. In the meantime you can try to keep to a routine and positive sleep associations.
I know that there is a group on FB called respectful sleep training/learning and you may get lots of useful info there on extiction and ferber methods of sleep training, as well as other links to books and advice.
Hang in there Mamma, you got this!

Thank you blondeirishmummy!!

I've been having a think this morning and I think that my main issue was the co sleeping, neither of us were getting a good nights sleep, where as after 3 nights he is self settling in his own cot and that is the most important thing to me, I will now offer him feeds when he wakes up in the night and at least he will feed and go straight back to sleep on his own. I will try to cut night feeds once he is weaned onto solids.
I will check out the Facebook page too

Classic 4 month sleep regression which you have to ride out. 4 months is ridiculously young to have any sort of sleep training imo I'm not a fan of cio etc at any age tbh.

He needs you in the night. Keep him in your room or co sleep. Feed on demand. A 4 month old will not usually sleep through yet.

Sorry to be blunt but suck it up. You have a 7 yr old so must remember what it's like. It will pass and your baby needs you. Have you tried slinging him in the daytime so he sleeps a bit more?

I agree with PP, he is a bit little for sleep training, (and I did it with my 3). 6 months is young enough for that.

He does sound as if he is still hungry, I think you would be better to offer milk whe he wakes, but try and focus on quiet calm/dream feeding and then he will cut down those dream feeds if he isn't hungry.

@Tails5290 I found cosleeping didnt really work for us and my son actually slept better in his next to me crib. He was the same, as soon as he had a feed he mostly went straight back over, so I got used to the 3/4 hourly wakings. He was more of a little and often feeder and never took massive feeds so I always assumed he woke because he was hungry and usually he was. I weaned gently just after 5 months and the stretches got gradually longer.

Mrs archchancellor I've come on this site to get helpful tips and advice from people who have tried same method as me so understand and may offer help. Your comments weren't helpful and have just told me to co sleep which is not what I was asking, we all parent differently which is a good thing but think we should support and help each other not push the way we want to parent on other people. If this is not what your reply was intended for then I apologise for reading it in the wrong context.

Irishmummy, co sleeping is not for us either but will be feeding more in the night as ds is also little and often feeder. I'm happy to get up in the night to feed genuine hunger as many times as I need to, thank you

I think you are over stressing and overthinking this situation. Co-sleeping is not the best way to get children to sleep, as you have discovered. As other people have posted I agree 4 months is too early to sleep train. My personal view is that dream feeds are a waste of time, it is not a good feed and the baby still wakes up later. At 4 months your baby has a lot of confusion between day and night which may explain this term 4 mth regression which was not in the vocabulary 40 years ago. In my opinion you are looking at it from the wrong approach, you should be focussing on the days not the nights. Your baby is beginning to learn that he/she can influence things. Start to establish a nice regular routine around feeds and naps, starting with the premise of demand feeding and little tweaks. Think about how you settle for a nap, do not feed until asleep, excessive rocking soothing etc and try and settle your baby in a quiet place when they are tired but still awake. The better he naps in the day, the better he will sleep in the night. Once he has learned to drop off for naps without your intervention, he will learn to self soothe on night wakings unless he really needs something eg a feed. Focussing on the day also takes the pressure off you. During the night feed on demand but keep the lights low and interventions minimal. I think some of the posters have not been very helpful so hope there is something in mine that you can relate to

Thank you confusedbeetle.
Ds feeding schedules and daytime naps are pretty good I feel. Bottles are almost always 3 hourly starting at 7am until bedtime then it'll be feeding on demand. I would say on an average day he naps 3-4 hours in the day spread over 3-4 naps. Usually one in the pushchair when we walk the dog in the morning, another one at 11ish (usually 90 mins-2 hours) and another anytime between 3 and 5. When I'm at home would you recommend putting him down to sleep in his crib which is where he sleeps at night or keeping him downstairs in his swing/pushchair? He self settles mostly in the day (actually he's just a really good boy )
I'm unsure on leaving him for 5 minutes when he wakes up at night to ensure he is waking out of hunger, as much as I am happy to demand feed if he actually is hungry I wouldn't like to be over feeding him. He is not the biggest baby and if for example he woke and had 3 bottles in the night he would be eating almost 40oz in a 24 period which I think is too much (also too much milk and he will just throw it all back up)