Overwhelmed with three month old

[MumBeau]

I am feeling so guilty and overwhelmed by my baby. I did an NCT group before having my daughter and I just feel like everyone is coping except for me and I can’t find anyone who understands how I feel. I am a teacher in my day to day life and crave routine so I am finding it so tough to get used to the changing ways of my daughter. Just when I feel like I have a handle on things she changes again. My other half went back to work today and all afternoon was awful. I missed her sleep cues and we don’t have a day time nap routine in place and she spent most of the afternoon crying and I found it so difficult to calm her down. I wish someone could tell me when I should put her down for a nap so that I and she would have a routine of sorts and so she didn’t get over tired. I just feel like I keep getting it wrong.

Hi, really feeling for you, it's so tough getting used to the exhausting and constantly changing life with a newborn. Have a look at this blog which describes the E.A.S.Y (eat, activity, sleep, you time) routine by Tracy Hogg who wrote the Baby Whisperer - it has typical routine for 0-4 month old: noobmommy.com/easy-routine-from-baby-whisperer/. Hang in there, it gets SO much easier!

Mine is nearly 4 months old and she’s not a great napper during the day - she spends a good couple of weeks in a routine (made up by herself!) and then all of a sudden it’ll change. I have a sling tho - it’s amazing at getting her to sleep during the day, she hates the car seat and the pram so it’s the only reliable way of getting her to nap - I either transfer her to her bed or go for a walk. Luckily she’s not too bad at going to bed at bedtime but I’ve had a routine in place since she was 8 weeks old which I think helped her.
She’s my third so you’d think I’d have got the napping a bit more sorted but never mind!!

I second a version of the EASY routine (though my DD would only nap on me so the You time didn't happen!) it goes on the amount of time between naps rather than fixed times during the day and I found taut easier. Don't get too hung up on what the books say though as babies have a way of their own. You're doing great and it's a tough job xx

My baby is the same age. I miss all the sleep cues too. The only thing that works for me is to remember when he woke up and that after 1.5 hours- 2 hours. And remembering that in the short time he's awake he needs to be fed and have a nappy change.
I only know all of this because it's what worked with my older son. It took me ages to learn this. I'm not going to lie the first year is tough, babies change so quickly and when you think you've cracked it it all changes. You are not alone in feeling how you do. I am writing this as I try to rock my overtired baby back to sleep. Hope this helps xx

I have to be very regimented with my fourteen week olds naps. Every 1.5-2 hours I’ll put her to sleep. Sleep cues can be eye rubbing, staring off into the distance, grumpiness. If I’m not quick enough she becomes to grumpy to feed (she feeds to sleep) so I either rock her to sleep or walk around with her in the sling. She ALWAYS has a nap about an hour after waking up in the morning, if this is disrupted then the whole day goes to shit.

Not sure if this will help but the best bit of advice I got when I was going through it with DS1 was 'everyone may look like they've got it together but no ones got it together' - don't compare and as hard as it is, try and take the pressure off yourself doing everything 'perfectly'. The first year of life and being on mat leave is a tough time! Good luck and hope you feel better.

I didn't realise they were supposed to have a routine! DS is 14 weeks and just feeds and sleeps when he wants. He sleeps from 11:30 until 7ish each night but other than that anything goes. Just relax and feed on demand, sleep will come if she's tired. You're putting too much pressure on yourself.

DD has set her own routine. It just works for some babies. Sleeping when they want doesn’t always work as some need a bit help to go off to sleep and you might miss the sleep cues (as OP said she does) and it actually gets harder to get them to sleep as they’re so grumpy.

My lovely EVERYONE feels like this at some point. I could have written your post.

Don't worry about timings. They will come. Naps are really important. When your LO has been awake for.about an hr and fifteen minutes I would try for a nap. Do ANYTHING that will get them.off. For us it's the sling, which is a complete pain for me but it's the only way at the moment. If you can, try to feed them when they wake up rather than go to sleep.
I completely get the 'getting it wrong feeling'. I am currently sitting up on.bed as it's the only way DS will sleep right now.

Everyone feels like this at some point. Don't be so hard on yourself. Babies are so challenging.

Could you hire a sleep consultant?

Ah I feel your pain. Mine is three months, whilst I can see her sleep cues getting her to sleep is a whole different story! If only it was as straightforward as putting her down to sleep.

Currently on her fifth wake up of the night - I'm shattered! It's likely that not everyone has got it together quite as well as it may appear!

Thank you everyone for your responses. I felt so desperate last night after what felt like such a long day. We normally go to a Mum and baby fitness class on a Tuesday morning but I just decided not to go and stay in and try and just focus on feeding and napping. I don’t want to feel trapped every day but I guess for now maybe I need not to be selfish and do what is right for her which might be to stay in and help her get used to sleeping. She is so far touch wood ok at night as we get her down around half 8 till between 5am and 6am it is just the day time I find tough to crack. I had been feeding her every 3 hours but I don’t know how that works if I need to try and get her to nap every hour and fifteen or so. She has her longest sleep of 2 hours in the morning after her first feed of the day but the rest of the time I can’t gey her to stay asleep for longer than an hour. Any tips on how to get her to stay asleep for longer as she seems to be waking up still tired. Thank you so much for all the replies I feel so sad and this has helped as I just feel like I’m the only one struggling but you guys have helped me to see maybe I’m not.

I so could have written your post a few months ago. It was such a shock to me when my daughter was born that I didn't instinctively know when/how to get her to sleep or how to anticipate when she would be hungry. I was desperate for someone to come and tell me how to look after her for the best and tell me what to do. As such I took what everyone else told me as gospel, paid too much attention to what the books said I should be doing and generally made myself miserable. Once I learned to let go a bit and follow my daughters lead I became a lot happier and so did she. I obsessed for ages about getting her to sleep for longer (She only ever slept for half an hour at a time and only ever on me) but felt so much better when I accepted that was just her and what she needed at the time.
To give you a little bit of hope, my daughter is now 10 months old And has been asleep for well over an hour, something I never thought would happen.
It does get easier, and more enjoyable. Do what you need to do to get through those first few months and you will reap the rewards as your baby gets bigger. Sending big hugs xxxxx

I used (and still do) the app Huckleberry for timings. It works out when the next nap should be, and it's free.

An hour long nap sounds great! If she's waking up grumpy, try distraction, take her out, show her books, take her for a walk in the sling etc etc

You may find those naps shorten to 30-45 mins with the 4 month sleep regression, totally normal and she should grow out of that with time.

My dd would wake screaming from her mini-naps quite obviously still tired. Sometimes I could resettle her, sometimes not. It was rough, but as she grew and dropped naps, she naturally started to nap for longer.