Battle to get baby to sleep

[Rachel1210]

Hi all my LO is 11 weeks old but ever since he was born it’s been a battle to get him to sleep. He’s never gone to sleep without screaming first. Over the past 11 weeks I have watched him to observe his cues etc - he doesn’t really have any but I think after around 45mins-1 hour of wake time he’s ready for sleep. After that time it gets harder to get him to sleep. He does yawn and stare into space. Over the weeks I’ve tried shortening and extending this window but every time he’ll just scream when I try and rock him to sleep. It’s as though he knows I’m putting him down for a nap so actively tries to resist it...it’s now got to the stage where I dread nap times. Has anyone else had this? I’ve been trying to follow the baby whisperer but he’s always so upset for nap time. It also makes doing anything during the day really hard so I’m actively avoiding baby groups etc because if nap time falls when he’s out I know I have no chance of getting him to nap quietly. I really hope there are others out there who have the same problem! Any advice? X

OP, just giving this a bump because I’m in the same position with 14 week old DS.

He has previously settled, but only when I’ve put him down and held his arms down and dummy in. Have you tried that? It worked for a bit!

I’m exactly the same in terms of avoiding doing stuff during the day, if it’s any consolation. I started taking him to a swimming class in the hope that the additional activity would tire him out, but I’ve given that up because it just seems to hype him up more.

Sounds like you’re doing everything right and it’s so frustrating when it doesn’t work! I’m also following the EASY method, although I think it’s all gone to shit now because I think we’ve hit the infamous sleep regression...

Are nighttimes ok?

My son is only 12 weeks but the awake window you are giving seems very small - are you sure he is actually tired? D's can stay awake for around 2 hrs - 2.5 hrs

My baby also regularly gets in a rage when it comes to daytime napping, but I think perhaps your window for sleepiness does seem quite short? Mine is not quite 14 weeks and needs a nap every 2 hours. It's still sometimes a battle to get him down though - we are still swaddling (needs to stop soon!) with a miracle blanket, and I also find keeping the room super dark helps as otherwise he looks around at everything and won't wind down. I think some babies really do fight sleep and I'm just hoping a structured routine will get mine to realise that it's sleep time at certain points.

I’m going to get absolutely flamed for this but last night, I started putting our little son down and just resting my hand on his chest. He cried for 38 minutes but eventually drifted off. I had headphones on because otherwise I would’ve caved in and picked him up.

This morning, he was ready for his nap, I did the same and it took 18 minutes. I’ve just put him down there and only 11 minutes of crying ensued and he’s now in a lovely peaceful sleep.

Each time I’ve sang him a little song and said, “time for sleep, AllesAusLiebe jnr” so he has a signal.

Previously, getting him to nap would take upwards of 30 minutes of me rocking him and him flailing his arms around and screaming.

I really hope that this is proof that he wanted to self settle and just needed time and a little help.

I know that some people may think he stopped crying because he’d given up, but I honestly don’t believe that was the case. He knew I was there and offering him help and comfort. If this works, it’ll transform our household because I honestly was getting so down because I couldn’t manage to soothe my baby.

My advice, give it a try.

Thanks ladies for all the messages - so I’ve been working on different awake times - extending them where possible - and it doesn’t make any difference! If anything he’s over tired and it’s worse. Has anyone had success with the Tracy Hogg shush pat/ pick up put down technique?

No success at all with pick up / put down, I’m afraid. It only got him more worked up! He’d stop crying instantly when picked up, then start again the moment it became apparent that he was about to be put back down!

Whispering ‘ssshhhhh’ in his ear definitely calms mine down, but I’m not sure if it would work for sleep.

Have you tried white noise? There are also a good couple of baby sleep soundtracks on Spotify if you have that. I’m going to try one tonight as part of the bedtime routine and if it works I’ll put it on during the day to act as another sleep cue.

Other thing that I’ve found is that his awake times are always shorter in the morning and by afternoon can gradually be extended.

Hope this helps!

Your babies are very young. Have you tried rocking them? Or taking them out in the pram? Or using a sling to help them sleep? They may not be ready to settle in a cot yet.

Also I didn’t like the baby whisperer because, to me, it seemed to ‘blame’ the parents for getting into ‘bad’ sleep habits. There are no such thing as bad sleep habits. If you are happy doing it for now then continue rocking or cuddling your baby to sleep. If it stops working for you there are plenty of ways to gently try something new (see Sarah Ockwell Smith or plantly) . They change so quickly so what works to get them to sleep today may not work next month.

@StinkySaurus honestly, I’d love to have a baby who would happily be rocked to sleep but he goes crazy! The other day it took nearly an hour of me rocking him and him screaming so much he was purple.

He gets so frustrated and it’s horrible to watch him so upset when all I’m trying to do is provide him with comfort.

What I’m doing is a last resort because I’m completely out of ideas.

Should I just keep going with the rocking, do you think? I don’t want him to feel as though I’m not there for him, but I really have the feeling that he wants to learn how to go to sleep...

Could anyone advise what kind of strategies Sarah Ockwell Smith uses?

Hmmm I don’t really put my baby down for a nap. I just feed her and play and then put her in babychair or she is in sling or prom or car seat so can choose to look about or sleep. If she has had a play for feed she usually peeps about for a bit then drifts off to sleep. Then wakes for a feed when hungry. I don’t ever ‘put her for a nap’ in her cot in the day.
I do start a routine at night. 7pm nappy change and into pyjamas. She then cluster BF feeds until 8.30pm, then she has a bottle of formula. Then she is burped, has a quick BF feed more for comfort and falls asleep in her cot as so sleepy.

So what I am saying is, maybe ‘putting down for a nap’ isn’t working so stop trying to do it. Just feed. Have a 10 minutes play then then leave them to decide in a suitable place for sleeping or watching.

Good luck! I followed EASY for first baby, and will loosely do again. But still don’t actually put down for a nap. I just do the 3 hourly cycles in day so ensure she has fed enough to sleep maximum at night.

@Alles sorry my post wasn’t meant to be judgemental. I just hated the baby whisper book as it made me feel like a failure because my baby would eat when they woke up, play for a bit, feed again, play for a bit and then feed to sleep! So I didn’t want any one else to feel the same, I no longer believe in Making rods for your back etc.....

I remember that at around 4 months Ish it was really tough. It felt like my baby wouldn’t ever nap. So I decided to just take long walks, if she napped she napped, if she didnt she didn’t and I would often get a hot choc for the walk to keep me happy too! I would also only try for 10 mins to get her to sleep through feeding or rocking if we were at home. If it didn’t seem like it was going to work after 10 mins, we would stop and then play for 10 mins and then try again if I still thought she was tired.

During this time I tried to shift my mindset from stressing about how much my baby sleeps to trusting her to sleep if she wants to and most importantly making sure I was getting enough rest.

It’s tough, but it does get better. And plus they eventually grow out of naps, some babies are just 18 months when they stop napping! So it won’t last forever m, it’s all just a phase!

@StinkySaurus ah, no not at all! I didn’t take it that way.

I agree - the Baby Whisperer is really prescriptive, maybe even so for me! I do worry about never being able to leave the house, so follow it very loosely.

I’m just desperately trying to find something that works and I’m out of ideas... I actually hate hearing him cry, it’s awful, but he cries regardless of what I try and do.

@AllesAusLiebe

it is really tough isn't it, cut yourself some slack!

It sound as though you would like some kind of routine- why not read all the ones out there and decide on the one that suits you the best.

I would then stick with that for at least 6 weeks - babies can't read the routine they're supposed to be following and it takes them a while to get it! Find a settling method you get on with and follow it for all naps/sleeps. Don't stress if the baby simply rejects the nap - just keep going, tomorrow is always a new day.

And remember even when you do get them to follow it, they will have periods of better/worse sleep, although the trajectory is usually upwards.

@Alles I second what PP said above. Also remember crying in arms is very different to being left to cry. Your baby knows you are there and are comforting them.

I think there are two types of people. The type like the PP who thrives off of routine and then people like me who prefer to go with the flow and find fulfilling the expectations of a routine stressful. Either approach is fine and you will naturally choose the one that suits you and baby.
Even though I am a more go with the flow type of person I found that my baby made their own routine at around 4 ish months, and by 10 months their routine is now v predicatable with no input or steering from me. So I just follow what my baby wants to do!

From 3 days old my dd slept on her front (I know!) but it was the only way she'd sleep other than being pushed in the pram (rocking didn't work). At around 10/11 weeks she didn't want to be held to sleep just put down on her front and left to it. She been the same ever since (she's 1 now) unless she's overtired then it's a fight every time x

I've had 2 totally opposite children.

One just used to get tired and fall asleep (often in odd places!). And one used to fight sleep like it was the ultimate enemy and scream the place down every time.

For the one who hated sleep, I did get a moby wrap and carried her quite a bit for her sleeps. It's not as good for you, as you don't get so much of a break, but it was better than the screaming fight to get her to sleep in the cot. If I really needed her to settle in the cot, white noise helped quite a lot to get her to settle. We tried the poddlepod and had a bit of success with that ( it sure if they are still around).

I have a 3yo DS and 7mo twins. All different. DS1 liked a soother and that, more than anything, was an immense help. The twins have nannies who usually carry them on their backs to sleep and so I now do the same. It is much, much quicker way to get them to nod off than a front sling carry. But DS2 is a catnapper and tends to wake crying while DD positively enjoys her bed. Interestingly, DS2 was born crying while DD was quietly looking around... it seems to be just the way they are.

At 11/12 weeks I would do
Wake baby at 7am regardless of how the night was
Feed
8.45-10 nap
10.30 feed
12-2.30 nap
3pm feed
4.30-5 nap (in the buggy)
5.30 first half feed
6pm bath
6.30 second half feed
7pm bed
Then she would sleep until 3am, quick feed and back to sleep until 7am.

At 12 weeks, i was using the bouncy chair a lot for naps. Other times, i would sit him on my knee, laying against my chest and then just rock that way. I could then sometimes transfer him or let him sleep on me as needed. My DS used to love a nap though, we'd be at baby groups with him on my knee flat out. I think he liked the background noise.

I didn't go by the clock, but it was around 2 hour cycles at that age. I used to feed before sleep as well and it hasn't caused us any problems now that he's 18mo.

As people are saying if the whole nap/routine thing is causing you stress you don't have to do it - it would be a pity to miss out on baby groups & making friends because you are scared of nap time.

I bloody love my routine but it certainly isn't the only way to do things and there is so much time to implement a routine before (IMO) you really really need to, i.e. school.

Remember that at most baby group activities people are way too focused on their own babies to pay any attention to yours! My NCT pal was really worried that her baby cried through baby sensory...I hadn't even noticed as I was too focused on my own thrashy baby!

Also if you find the baby is getting really overtired at bedtime, I find that the bath almost "resets" my baby and really soothes him. Although I know some babies hate the bath.

Our routine at 12 weeks is:

Wake at 7am regardless of what has happened at night.
Nap at 9am-945
Awake with some time on the playmat, tummy time
Nap 12-2.15, I usually go out for lunch and DS naps in the pram. He will wake up when I stop but drift off back to sleep if I don't make eye contact with him!
Awake 2.15 - 4.45 - more cuddling often needed as he starts to get a bit fractious.
sometimes nap 4.45-5, he often doesn't take this.
Aim to feed constantly (bf) 5-6
Bath at 6
Feed from 6-645 - DS will often conk out.
Rouse DS as much as humanly possible & put him down to sleep awake.
Wake him at 11pm for a feed, down at 12am.
He then goes to usually 5.30am/6am - feed again, put down until 7am.