My children won't stay in their beds.

[auffahren]

DD1 (age 4) and DD2 (age 2) have always been bad sleepers.

DD1 has been sleeping through the night since she started school but she's been waking most nights and coming in to my bed over the Christmas holidays. I'm not too concerned about this as I think it will naturally fall in to place when she's back to the usual routine.

DD2 has never consistently slept through the night for me, but will when my parents have them. She was still breastfed until 3 months ago and initially she started sleeping better. But she's had a lot of illness since then and she's gone back to frequently waking and coming to my bed in the night.

I'm a single parent and I'm exhausted. They share a bedroom and it makes it hard to be firmer with either one of them in the night as the ensuing tantrum or tears risks waking the other one. I had the idea of putting DD1 in to my bed so I could work on getting DD2 to sleep in her bed through the night and I've put myself on the sofa bed (it's a flat so I'm in the room next door to both of them). Last night was the first night of this. DD1 woke first, she just wanted the duvet back on and she went back to sleep. Then DD2 woke and I settled her back to sleep in her bed. DD1 woke again, said she wanted to be with me. I gave her a cuddle and tucked her back in. Then DD2 woke. She asked for milk so I gave her a bottle, then she laid down in her bed and when she was still awake I told her Mummy had to go to bed now and I'd see her in the morning. About 10 minutes later she came in to the living room. Took her back to bed, same again - I left her when she was still awake. I then went to sleep and a while later (not sure how long) DD2 came and woke me up. At that point, my exhaustion won out and I let her get in to my bed. I'm so annoyed at myself for this now, but at the time I was just so tired. DD1 later came in to my bed too.

I just don't know how to crack this. DD1 is less of a concern. I can work on the basis of rewards if she stays in her bed all night and her birthday is approaching so I'm making a big thing of 5 year olds staying in their beds all night. But DD2 on the other hand, I just don't know. Once I've been in to her once, should I just leave her to it? She can't reach the door handle, should I shut the door and leave her to cry it out a little bit (she has a monitor in their so I would hear if there was a real problem/actual distress as opposed to being a bit cross).

If we all got more sleep we'd all be much happier.

I should add that both DDs have had health problems which contributes to the poor sleep historically, and if either of them are unwell then any sleep "training" goes out the window until they're better. They've also been through a lot of disruption in their life with me and their dad divorcing and their dad being inconsistent. This is why I've always gone with a gentler approach and let them come to me in the night for comfort. But I can't do it anymore. I'm constantly tired and they're not getting enough sleep either.

Does anyone have any suggestions or advice? Please!

Good stuff, OP. glad the night's going well thus far.

Awesome! Well done! It is really really hard doing it alone but you are 100% right about all needing more sleep. Hopefully you’ve turned a corner!

Last night wasn't perfect, but it was a huge step in the right direction and, the most important thing - neither of them came in to my bed until morning!

DD1 woke around 23.30 because she was coughing. I got her some water and gave her her inhaler and I did give her a little cuddle in bed, but given the circumstances I think that's ok.

My biggest challenge of the night - DD2 woke at 3.30 and was crying at the door and calling for me. I went in and said "go to sleep. It's nighttime", put her in her bed and came out. She cried and came out again. I took her back to bed and said "nighttime". She came out again. I put her back in bed without saying anything and left the room, but by this point she was very distressed and sobbing. I felt awful and (although I know it's not the way to do rapid return), I couldn't leave her like that so I gave her a cuddle on my lap. When she stopped crying I laid her down and stayed with her for a few minutes. Her eyes were still open but she was calm so I said "Mummy needs to go to bed. I'll see you in the morning". She came out 5 minutes later. I took her back to bed, laid her down, tucked her in and stayed for a few minutes. Her eyes were still open so I said the same again and left the room. She went to sleep.

I know that it's not the ideal way to do it, and it's unlikely to help her to self soothe as I am still giving her attention, however, I'm looking at it as small steps. First she needs to realise that she can't come to my bed, and if that requires a bit of reassurance in the night then, for now, that's ok. I also have to look at how far we have come. In October she was still breastfeeding to sleep and multiple times in the night, it was the only way she would go to sleep for me. She would also previously be awake for a few hours in the night, just wanting a chat. Last night, being awake for minutes at 22.30 and about half an hour at 3.30, and ultimately getting herself back to sleep is a huge improvement.

I've made a big deal this morning about how well they've both done. They've got their stickers on the reward chart (I think DD2 is too little to understand the chart but I see no harm in doing it anyway). Hopefully tonight will be similar.

Sounds an okish night you just need to go with the flow nothing is rigid but if you keep up the it is night time good night you should get positive results and you don't want them in a state that they are sobbing.

Yes, exactly. I'm prepared for her to be pissed off with me, but not upset to the point of sobbing. I'm happy to take my time and do this more gradually if it gives her reassurance and makes her feel more secure.

Fingers crossed for tonight!

They both got themselves to sleep. Although DD1 had a massive meltdown about being left on her own at first, but she's overtired from her first day back at school.