Please help.
I have 2 daughters, 4 and 7 years old. They have both been great sleepers since babies. Would put them into bed, cuddles and stories then leave them to self settle. Until one day approximately 18 months ago, when my husband thought it would be ‘cute’ to allow them to fall asleep together in my bed. Since then, they mess about at bedtime, sometimes it is almost 1am and they are still up. ive not had an evening since I don’t remember when. I’m a sahm and I need some time in the evenings. My husband doesn’t understand and thinks I’m awful for wanting some time out. I can’t even go to bed early because they’re up bouncing around in my bed. I’m so tired. I lose my patience and then my husband comes up and yells at me for stressing him out. I’m also expecting out 3rd in a few months and I just do not know how I’m going to cope with night feeds and the other 2 up all night. Husband sleeps in a separate room and if they ever go into him he doesn’t get disturbed so he’s not bothered.
I’ve tried reward charts for going to bed but they don’t care. I’ve had the bloody elf of the shelf leave. I’ve yelled and shouted and cried, I’ve begged them. I’ve been patient. I’ve tried being relaxed and letting them and husband do as they please. Nothing works.
We have a bedtime routine - bath, book, bed. No screen time and hour before at least. I’ve ordered some bunk beds for them to sleep in their own room but I just can’t see them actually staying in there. My husband won’t support me in getting them to stay in their beds and I just don’t know what to do any more. I set rules and have consequences. I’ve had no treats at all or loss of days out with me or loss of toys if you mess about at bedtime but they don’t care or husband gives them back.
Please anyone have any ideas? And yes I’ve tried talking to my husband but it’s his way or the highway basically. And I’m a terrible mother for not wanting to cuddle them all day and all night. Don’t get me wrong, if they have a nightmare or are unwell then of course come to my bed, but I need them to have boundaries. They need boundaries. And we all need sleep.