Controlled Crying - 3rd night, no progress.

[NarminM]

Hi! My DS is 9 months old and he always needed to be rocked or breastfed to fall asleep. It has beed a month that he wakes up every hour at night and wont go to sleep untill breastfed (he doesn't need milk, just soothing). So we decided to try controlled crying method. The first night he cried for 1 hour and 30 minutes, the second night he cried for 2 hours and today is the third night, 2 hours of crying and still awake! I start with leaving him for 5 minutes, then increasing the time to 10 and then to 15 minutes. I go and reassure him everu 15 minutes untill he falls asleep. Am I doing it wrong??? Or maybe I should stop doing it? Parents who have done it say it got better the second night, but we still don't have any progress.

I know how you feel on the breastfeeding to sleep and then waking as he doesn't know how to fall asleep without milk. I'm trying to teach mine to self settle too. Hope you make progress soon (my baby is a bit older than yours)

My DS did hourly waking around the 9 month mark, it lasted a couple of months and nothing I tried other than feeding him worked.
By 9 months I was working on getting him to nap without feeding and that worked fairly quickly ( mine does nap in a moving pushchair but that works well for me).
Unfortunately it’s not been so successful at night and he either feeds to sleep or he strokes me until he goes to sleep. I have tried the controlled crying but he can cry for hours
I give DS a pouch of baby food just before feeding him at bedtime then he has a very short feed, in the night I offer a drink first.

Try shush/pat method. Going from uber comfort of being breastfed to cc is too much of a leap. I wonder too if food before bed might help. How's his teething going?

Cc is not recommended at all.

This is too much of a quick change he must be in complete panic mode. Go and comfort him and look more into slower methods

I also agree controlled crying is not recommended

Has your partner tried settling him the first time he wakes? Whether that be rocking etc.?

I had the same situation. I started putting her down (feeding to sleep) around 7pm and then she’d wake after about 30 mins - 1hr. Then I’d get DH to settle her and she stopped waking up so much as she knew she wouldn’t be getting milk.

She used to scream with him, so it took a while for her to to get used to having someone else at night but seems to be improving. We’ve had some 3/4 hour stints now.

I went to the doctor one day about something and she was asking about things at home, talking about my DD on my wanting to sleep in my bed. She told me I "needed" to try cc, I told her I had read that its not good and also I don't think I could do it and she said "it was totally ok and there would be no harm done to the baby, but it can take up to 6 weeks" I told her I wouldn't be doing it as 6 weeks is way to long for me to be doing that anyway.... But it's wierd how everyone has different information on the method. Wouldn't be able to do it, but many people have been able to and for some it worked well.

Controlled crying really hasn't worked with my children.
The only way that worked is by DP settling DDs through the night. I would go nowhere near the babies at bedtime. I fed, then DP would settle in the bedroom. He would sit for 5 mins rocking then after he would put baby into cot, spend 5 mins face stroking and slowly move away. We never left baby to cry for more than 5 mins - but each time DP would go in. This took about a week.

My 9 month old is the same...waking loads. I tried 1 day of cc and lasted 20mins.
He waa inconsolable.
Decided to be softer. I think hes going through a phase of separation anxiety and to do this right now would not help.
I think maybe ebf babys soothed and nursed to sleep cant do the jump.
I am one tired mama and i feel your pain. You are not alone.
My current plan is.

1. Offer boob more in the day. Increasing milk intake in day could reduce the need at night.
2. Daytime naps in his own room (as he also cosleeps with me at night)
3. Make a conscious effort to give lots of cuddles and closeness in day. Reassuring him im there always

Hope it helps

I think you went for a too severe approach. Our first night my DH sat with DS for the who 2 hour cry for reassurance, then the next night went in every 2-3 mins - 30 mins crying, night 3 was in every 5 mins - only 7 mins crying. He’s self settled ever since.

Iputthescrewintgetunas advice/method is what we did with DS2 andvthat worked really well.

2 hours left to cry, the amount if cortisol he must be releasing,
Now probably dreading the night, he is only 9 months

I just want to add. That even if people dont think this was a good decision theres no need for verbally kicking op for it
Lack of sleep leads to desparate measures. Many people of the older generation advise us to let them cry. And other mums swear it as an instant fix

I'm in a similar situation with my 8MO but haven't started cc yet.
I also agree it's worth considering different points of view but I don't think it's fair to criticise someone for trying a widely used technique. I would never have dreamed of doing CC with my son. But every baby is so different. I'm truly at the end of my tether as DD2 is a terrible sleeper. I have tried everything and she screams no matter what (unless she's left to co sleep / bite my nipples all night). Me and my sore nipples need another way!

Shush and pat worked wonders for my son but I can pat my DDs bum for over 2 hours and she will sit up and scream the second I stop.
My arm feels like it's about to fall off and she's still hysterical.

I completely understand why people could look to CC or CIO when exhausted so please don't take my comments as judgement to those who have done it.

But current research shows it can be very harmful to babies.
This article shows some of the issues with CC/CIO/controlled comforting etc
www.phillyvoice.com/screaming-sleep-part-one-two-moral-imperative-end-cry-it-out/

My own DD is nearly 1 and the longest she has ever slept is 4 hours last March.
It is very hard going never getting a full nights sleep but I also know she will get there when she is developmentally able to
And until then we'll support her need for me and DH

forumusername there is very little research to show any such thing - and babies develop so fast - I would never do any sort of left to cry with a newborn - but a rising 1 - completely different.

In fact the NHS advice is that research shows it makes no difference.
www.nhs.uk/news/pregnancy-and-child/controlled-crying-safe-for-babies/

Completely understand a preference not to do it, but don't peddle shite 'research' from the US.

But current research shows it can be very harmful to babies.

Except that it does not. I have read the article in the link and it just summarises opinion of the author and other known (and often notorious) anti-sleep training proponents. However, actual research has not found any links between sleep training and long term impact on babies and toddlers, including strength of attachment to caregivers.

There is only one poorly conducted study (Middlemiss 2012) that may potentially indicate negative impact of leaving babies to cry with zero reassurance (CIO) but its limitations are so obvious that I would question any medical professional trying to use it to justify their anti-sleep training position.

One of the best and balanced blogs (that was recommended on this board) is www.babysleepscience.com. Here is a link which may be relevant to OP:

www.babysleepscience.com/single-post/2015/02/02/The-Top-5-Reasons-Sleep-Training-Fails-How-to-Troubleshoot-Sleep-Training

It sounds like OP may be using a controlled crying strategy at the wrong time. It may be useful to sort out bedtime sleep before tackling night wakings. In general, the whole article (and the rest of the blog) is worthwhile reading.

Please don’t leave your small baby to cry for 2 hours when all he wants is to be near you. It won’t be forever and 8-10 months is a particularly tough time.

I agree with PP. Please do not do controlled crying.. it is unfair on a baby. Would you like to cry yourself to sleep? Or feel alone and confused about whats going on?

Not judging for trying cc as I know how awful sleep deprivation is. However, Leaving a 9 month old to cry alone for two hours sounds very extreme and I don't think it's the way to go. My son is going through a patch of night waking and I will leave him to cry for 5/10 minutes but then usually end up rocking him to sleep.

Your baby is still extremely young, comfort him.

Good God. Just cuddle him to sleep. All he knows is the comfort of your body. I cuddled my eldest to sleep for months and one night around 15 months old he just slept through and has done every since. It's developmental, not something you should force on him by making him miserable. I can't understand how people can watch their children suffer like this. I speak as someone who knows what it's like to be chronically knackered. It's tough but it's part of the job.

Assuming you'll be old and dependent one day, OP, and possibly not able to talk or communicate your needs and fears, I really hope that your carers don't leave you to cry in the dark for hours. It's abuse.