Please help (on verge of a breakdown)

[MamatoJS]

I’m a single mum of two, DS is 14 months old, DD is a month . My son has progressively become worse and worse at sleeping, taking two hours to initially get to sleep at his normal bed time and waking every two hours crying through the night. I’m currently living back at my mums and because they work he ends up having to be brought downstairs because he wakes everyone up as he just won’t settle once he wakes he’s wide awake (my mum won’t let me keep him up there she shouts for me to take him down ) . He’s currently running round the living room he’s woken up my daughter who I’ve only just gotten to sleep and I’m on verge of tears. I’m exhausted and getting no help and my son at his age should be sleeping through and isn’t and it’s causing all kinds of problems.

Didn't want to read and run. I have the same with my 12 month old. Downstairs for two hours a few nights a week to prevent 5 year old and husband being woken. It's soul destroying hard and I can't imagine doing it with a newborn too. But what I will say is that my 5 year old did the same thing and it got better and didn't last long. Felt like forever at the time though

I'm sorry, I don't have anything helpful to say but didn't want to say nothing.

Do the other adults realise how exhausted and stressed you are getting?
Is there any chance for you to get some rest at some time when they are around?
At least, try not to get too wound up about it and remember to eat and drink enough. {{{hugs}}}

Thank you, this gives me a bit of hope :(

My DS often wakes for a few hours in the early hours, you have my sympathy sleep deprivation is horrible.
Is there any chance of a homestart volunteer to help for a few hours a week during the day? I think you access them via the health visitor.
Do they both nap at the same time during the day? If so can you rest/ have bath during this time. If not can you work to getting them to nap once a day together?
Is your eldest teething? If so calpol may help at night or something like anbesol to rub on his gums.
Is he waking up hungry? I give mine a pouch of main meal baby food before bed, I know other people feed porridge before bed. I have to be mindful of the amount of sugar mine has, so main meals and savoury snacks after 3 pm rather than anything with lots of fruit!
Fresh air often works, a push out in buggy ( obviously it’s harder with two) and I leave DS to sleep outside in the afternoon. If he’s able to run round is there a children’s play area you can take him to in the day for fresh air and exercise.
It’s very difficult to see a way forward when you are so exhausted and you have to avoid letting your baby cry, I’ve been there. Do make sure you eat and drink enough. It does get easier though

Is there a room that you can actually have as a bedroom downstairs?

Thanks for everyone’s comments, I’m unsure of how to directly reply . I’ll take into account everyone’s suggestions

At 14 months, and the end of our tether, we did cry it out for 3 nights (that's how long it took). Not very popular with some, but it worked. He needed the sleep and so did the pregnant me. Years later he is still a great sleeper and undamaged .

I had this. Unfortunately it went on for years. Bed sharing with the waker was the best of a bunch of bad options. Baby slept really well if not being woken it turned out. 8pm til 11am! She must have been totally knackered.

You can either go the full Tanya Byron and return him to his bed very strictly and repeatedly until he learns to stay in his room all night, or you can try sticking him in bed with you and see what happens (although you’ll most likely need to reprogram him later on the Byron way). But do explain to him what’s happening.