Is this 'normal' for a 17 week old baby? Help me please!

[verytireddontknowwhattodo]

Need some reassurance if the following is usual for DS who is 17 weeks tomorrow. He's always been a light sleeper, in that, he'll be shattered, fall asleep but if someone sneezes or coughs in the next room, he'll wake up and struggle to fall back asleep again. I've tried to provide a very loose sleep routine for him since birth but I think I've messed up majorly along the way because there is no consistency- DS decides when he goes to sleep and what the duration of his sleep/naps is! This frequently leaves me feeling confused, upset and massively frustrated.

I EBF and we co-sleep and if I move away from the baby once he's asleep (I feed lying down as I have a strong let down and this is the only position that stops DS from choking/getting upset), he'll sense I'm not there and will wake up crying and the. Stay away and be grizzly until his next nap.

Anyway, currently, DS will (+/- an hour):

9:30-10:00 wake up (and yawn)
11:00/12:00 nap
13:30-14:00 wake up (and yawn again)
16:30/17:00 nap
18:30/19:00 wake up (and, yup, yawn)
22:30/23:30 fall asleep (after fighting sleep as long as he can).

I find I haven't got a life atm as all I'm doing is constantly watching him for tiredness and making sure he gets enough sleep. Me and DH don't have any time alone together as when the baby naps, i have to be with him. I also don't go out much because DS struggles to fall asleep in the car/park. He also likes to sleep in the dark so it's easier to stay at home.

Can anyone share their experiences and/or offer advice where I can make improvements?

Probably not helpful but 17 weeks is still very young to have any kind of a routine. At this point just try to keep life as easy as possible for the two of you - the sleep will come.

Will he sleep in pram (with a cover to reduce light)? I found fresh air and walking made a huge difference to DD sleeping. She never slept in the car unless it was a long journey.

I used the little ones sleep programme for DD from 4 weeks and she's now 4.5 months. They are very late bed and wake times IMO. It's easy to say that young babies can't get into a routine but I found that DD wasn't sleeping well at night as she wasn't feeding enough during the day so needed to catch up. Now she sleeps really well. Have you tried white noise to drown out some of the ambient sound from the rest of the house while baby naps?

For comparison DD currently goes to bed at 6pm so we get a nice evening. We'll wake her between 10/11pm for a change and feed, then it's back to sleep until 5:30/6:00am. We tried to get her to bed at 7pm and waking at 7am but it was just too late for her. She'll usually have a short nap 2/2.5 hourly. These tend to be no longer than an hour but can be more if we're out as she sleeps in the care (after 10mins of screaming in the back).

He may need his awake times/sleep times adjusting and playing about with to help. I’ll be honest I was terrible at this. We survived about 5.5 months of hell of a screaming permanently over tired barely napping baby and I gave in and purchased a sleep programme that told me when to feed him, put him down for a nap and wake him and my god within a week he was a different child. Don’t give up it is possible, I promise! It’s just finding what works. I had no idea that mealtimes affected so much so that’s always worth a try. Good luck (ps we also co slept until around the same time as I brought the programme & he did seem to hit that age and want his own bed so don’t worry about sharing for now!)

4 month sleep regression.

@PoutySprout - that's what I'm getting from reading up on sleep at this age but I really need to address his sleep issue as both of us can't carry on like this- him perma-tired and me feeling like I'm being held to ransom by a baby who can't sleep without me (or even when I'm there with him).

@Fantababy - I've tried to calm myself down and tell myself the same thing these past couple of months but I'm currently having a crisis of confidence- all the babies I know (my NCT group, etc.) are well rested and have a solid routine. It's ironic because they have mothers who took each day as it came whereas I planned ahead and am the only one struggling.

@Slipperboots - he's too excited by the sights and sounds of being outdoors to fall asleep! When he has, it's been a quick 20 min nap before he's awake again and wanting a feed. I then have to rush home to feed him.

@blackcat86 - your post gives me a bit of hope! I feel like we've thrown everything at the baby but nothings working- including white noise, swaddle bag, sleepyhead, etc. What was your LO like before the programme? How long did you follow the programme before seeing any effects? Is the programme fool-proof? Do you have to follow it to the T (which is what I need as I panic if things are too wishy washy)? What's the best/worst thing of the plan?

Are the difficulties in sleeping recent?

Could be 4 month sleep regression. We think our 16 weeker is going through it. Have you tried napping in a sling or wrap?
We do that a lot and it's a godsend for getting stuff done.

Also, learning to BF out and about has helped me regain some form of life. And I never thought I'd be ok with BF in public, but it's really ok.

@Sweetooth92 - another post giving me hope! Please tell me more! Which programme did you follow? How easy was it? How long before you noticed improvements? When did you move baby into their own bed? We're currently doing the nursery up (lazy husband alert 😡) and baby is due his third set of jabs in a fortnight- I want to address the sleep thing as soon as that's done and hopefully move him into his own room at the same time.

@TheLovleyChebbyMcGee - it's not recent :/ he was born in early September (when it was still very warm from the heatwave we'd had in the Summer) and couldn't settle because he was too warm. Our house is super energy efficient too which means it's always stuffy even if I leave the windows open. That had a huge impact on his early sleeping patterns. We then started co-sleeping as he just couldn't settle on his own no matter what we tried. We tried the sling but a) he gets too warm (and cries until he's taken out of it) and b) hates the feeling of being constrained in some way (getting him to sleep in a zipped swaddle took 1 week of crying for him to get used to).

I'm okay breastfeeding in public- didn't think I would be!- but it's a nightmare as baby struggles to latch properly and I leak milk everywhere and then when the milk lets down, he splutters and chokes/coughs and gets frustrated because he's hungry, wants a feed but the milk is hitting his throat too fast. I need to get used to this though and just go with it- I can't keep him home all day just for ease.

Before I put in more of a structured routine DD was almost nocturnal and would get increasingly fractious from about 5pm usually culminating in urgent feeding and screaming the house down. She would wake 2 hourly to feed at night but then could nap for a 4 hour stretch during the day. Obviously she was a lot younger then but they seem to use simlliar principles regardless of age and just adjust how much sleep baby needs.

It took about 2 weeks for DD to really get into it and I had to start off quite committed but then I really needed sleep!! The programme is quite detailed but you can take what you want from it so I started off very rigid wirh the full sleep/feed schedule, but now we're more flexible during the day as we have play group, medical apts etc. We always follow the same night time routine. I always take her up for a bath at 5pm to start the routine and DD absolutely knows when it's coming up to 5 as if I'm not taking her upstairs she'll start to complain. That's the more rigid aspect for her but then for that hour of rigidity we get a nice evening and decent sleep.

It's called the little ones sleep programme and I downloaded it for about £30. You can also post questions for other users and the sleep consultants online which I've used a lot.

There is absolutely hope that you can change things. Even my DM took the piss when I said I was starting a more rigid routine, stating it would never work. She's admitted that it's actually really good especially as it doesnt use cry it out or anything horrid like that.

@verytireddontknowwhattodo I opted for the little ones. Was a 3am Facebook advert purchase, best money we ever spent on him. Isn’t for everyone with being structured I know, but I was back at work at 6 months so was desperate for more than two hours sleep at a time. & we didn’t want anything involving leaving him to cry. Took a few days to work but we loved it and made nursery transition so easy too! I write out a sheet for them and they find him so easy To get to sleep there. I promise I’m not on sales or anything! Just couldn’t believe the difference for such simple changes x

I really need to address his sleep issue

You need to stop thinking of normal baby sleep as an issue needing to be fixed.

as both of us can't carry on like this- him perma-tired and me feeling like I'm being held to ransom by a baby who can't sleep without me (or even when I'm there with him).

What else is going on that is so important you aren’t resting when you can? Babies aren’t robots to be programmed. Hundreds of thousands of years of evolution have led to babies’ development - and therefore sleeping - being this way. You’re fighting something natural.

I’d suggest the easiest solution is for you to adjust your expectation and find a way to ensure you’re able to get enough rest.

(I’m usually a 14 hours of sleep a day, girl. DH worked away, so when DD had sleep regressions it was just me. If that meant a day in my PJs napping when she did then that’s what I did.)

What @poutysprout writes
Exactly this

He’s so very young
And a breastfed baby will refine the survival instincts of wakefulness and needing to feed little and often at this stage.
I would persevere with the walking outdoors as in my experience it is the only thing that ever ensured my theee sleep / slept in the day at all.
And if he’s your first sleepnwhen he sleeps. Nothing wrong with that.

You just have to ride this out and try not to let your stress rub off on the baby as the more frantic you get e more the pick up on it

I expect you want to punch anyone that writes this but it does get better. Mostly!

My DD didn’t necessarily sleep in the pram but I really believe it improved the quality of sleep she was getting at home.

Please do remember that SIDS advice is that you sleep with them until 6 months. All this 'putting them to bed' does go against advice.

I went through a similar thing at the same stage as you. My baby is also breastfed and just turned 20 weeks. Sleep regression, and fighting sleep in the day was absolutely hell. At 17 weeks we started a routine which has really helped. She is almost there with it now, it wasn't a quick fix at all. Prior to this we had about two hours of screaming every evening, but I felt she was too young to have a routine or be left alone.
We are quite loose with it depending on where her naps fall as I like getting out and about which can affect them. But essentially she has 4 x 45 min naps in the day (can't get her to go longer than one sleep cycle) and is always fed on waking, not fed to sleep.
In the evening we try to bathe her at 7.30 (but this might be 30 mins later / earlier depending on when the last nap was - I try to start the bath about an hour and 3/4 after she woke from final nap.)
I then boob her to sleep and creep out. At the start I was having to go back and resettle her about 5 times before I went to bed at 10.30 ish. Now it's normally 1-2 times. We resettle every time she cries, but not if she's just tossing and turning.
Last night she was asleep by 8, needed to resettles. Then fed at 11.30 (dreamfeed) 4.30 and up at 8.
It takes infinite patience and time but seems to have worked for us.
Next I want her to start having naps in her own room in her cot before we transition her into her cot properly from 6 months. She's a light sleeper to so I think she will sleep better out of our room, but don't want to do it before 6 months due to SIDS
Anyway hope that helps a bit as I'm a few weeks ahead of you!