What am I doing wrong?!

[Willow4987]

How do I get my baby to self soothe to sleep? Especially in the daytime!

At the moment the only thing is walking and rocking which to be honest is absolutely killing my back (he’s a big baby on the 91st percentile)

I’m really concerned that I’ve made him dependent on me rocking him to sleep and also sleeping on me in the daytime

He’s 4.5 months, has 2 feeds overnight (11pm and 3am) but wakes every couple of hours for resettling. This in itself isn’t too bad

It’s the daytimes that’s worse and where it’s really starting to make me concerned.

I don’t think the amount of people saying ‘you’re making a rod for your own back’ is helping either

Advice on how I actually achieve self soothing would be greatly appreciated

Do you use white noise? At that age I would feed my baby to sleep then put him in his cot with white noise on ..then when he woke after 40 mins (as he always did) I would pat him back to sleep.....this tool maybe a week until he slept longer than 40 mins at a time during the day.

How long are the daytime naps? Ds 6 months and only naps for a few half-hour stints in the day, ad only on me save for the odd occasion unless were put in which case he'll nap in pram. I'm fine with this and love the cuddles! Also it would be more stressful to try to get him down in the day for the sake of half an hour and I know the day will come when he won't sit still for long enough for snuggles.

At night if he wakes he'll go straight back off with a face stroke, I rock and sing him to sleep for his night sleep.

4.5 months is so tiny and baby needs to know you're there to keep them safe. Have you tried patting and shushing a bit before going to pick him up?

I sympathise with the ba l - DS is 98th centile too!

And this ultimately led to him self soothing at beginning of naps and sleep and during sleep cycles

Daytime naps range from 45mins to 2 hours but always on me. I’ve tried putting him down and literally as soon as he’s out of my arms he wakes up

We use white noise at night (mainly because I actually like it for me ) and I’ve tried the shush/pat method but he’s just inconsolable until I pick him up

I think I’m just going to have to spend a good solid chunk of time being strict about bedtime being in his cot and using shush/pat until it works

It’s just so hard as he just won’t settle and I know it I give in he will get his sleep and so will I!

You're in the four month regression. It's normal, don't worry. You're doing fine.

Following as in same situation with dd. Day time naps are few and far between unless we go for a drive. She usually falls asleep at my boob and if I try to know be her so I can move around wakes up, then I worry about her getting over tired so I just give in and leave her where she is. At night she is pretty good but sometimes needs rocking to sleep

4 month sleep regression was a bitch. I’d put up with back ache and not worry about creating routines for a couple of months. At least you get baby cuddles. You’ll never get these again (second baby doesn’t get the privilege). Don’t listen to people who talk about creating a rod

Your doing nothing wrong. It’s very rare for babies to self soothe.

Try a sling on lay in bed with him and hold him next to you and rock back and forth. Much easier on your back.

@jackshouse roughly when are babys able to self soothe?
Thanks for the idea! Will give rocking on the bed a go

It depends on the baby, tbh, but self soothing is largely developmental, you'll just make yourself and baby miserable trying to teach it. For what it's worth, I never left baby to cry, always fed to sleep etc and she moved into her own room at six months with no drama. She will wake up and resettle herself unless hungry. I did nothing to achieve that, it just happened when she was ready. Sometimes, if she is ill or teething, she needs me to settle her instead and that's fine by me. I go at her pace.

A rocking chair may be a good shout if your back is an issue. You can pick them up quite cheaply on things like gumtree.

You're not doing anything wrong! You're caring for your baby, it's really hard work, you sound like you need a break. Can you share the work with anyone?
All babies are different, self soothing is helpful but not vital at 4 months. My 1st did it on his own by 6 months, my 2nd never showed any inclination to sleep EVER even if I held her and rocked her ALL NIGHT. Tried everything, eventually did controlled crying at 8 months because I couldn't cope (hardly any sleep and then a 3 year old up at 6am every morning). It worked, I felt terrible, but she was happier too so I felt it was right for us at that time. But 4 months is too young to do this I think (??)

But 4 months is too young to do this I think (??)

Yes, research has suggested it's harmful before six months.

FestiveNut I thought it was 6 months minimum, but it's been a while so couldn't remember. For me it didn't feel right even at 8 months but i think thats because we didnt have to consider it with 1st dc because he slept ok. I think its luck of the draw if you get a good sleeper or not, there's things you can try but no point worrying if they don't work.

Find what works for you, for now, and go with that. Ignore all the rod for your own back nonsense. It shouldn't be any harder to change things a few months down the line than now. Self settling is developmental, babies figure it out at different times. Nothing strange about not being able to now!

Thanks everyone! It’s reassuring to know that it’s just his age and eventually it will come so will just keep doing what we are now and attempt the odd nap in his own bed

Luckily he’s formula fed so my husband does help when he’s home from work and does night feeds at the weekend. Unfortunately my DS just wants me a lot of the time so he will sometimes have to come back for me to settle him and then attempt an asleep transfer back to my DH so I can have some time to myself