From feeding to sleep to controlled crying, I need your tips and encouragement

[Sakura03]

My ds is 13 months old and has always been fed to sleep. He ends up sleeping with me every night (roughly from midnight onwards as it then becomes really hard to transfer him to his cot) where he helps himself to the milk buffet (I know, such a bad habit but working full time and need as much sleep as possible) but it's not sustainable as we disturb each other and I feel ready to give up breastfeeding. I'm thinking to go cold turkey and do controlled crying but my partner thinks it's too much. So could I just bf and put him in cot (cot is still in our bedroom as we're currently in a 1 bedroom flat) sleepy but awake (the minute I do that ds will go mad). Then do I offer another feed at some point or just cut them out entirely? He's alway been a snacker when it comes to feeding. I'm so confused... Ds has never slept for more than 4.5 hrs in one go and that's only happened 3 times!!! Once I have a firm plan I'll take time off work to do it. Any tips and encouraging words are very welcome

Controlled crying worked for me at that age. Also making sure they had a good nap daytime helped nighttime sleep. But it’s trial and error I’m afraid.

I'd recommend Dr Jay Gordon's night weaning plan. A mattress on the floor also helped us - I fed DS to sleep on it but then got up once he was asleep. Might not be possible in a 1 bedroom flat though!

Gobblebox did your child go into meltdown mode? He has two naps of 1 1/2 hrs when he's at home with us but during the week when he is in nursery he only has one nap which can be anything from 45 minutes to 2 hrs.
Thanks teaandbiscuitsforme You're right we have no space for a mattress on the floor otherwise does sound like a good idea!

Could your husband sleep in with him for a bit instead? This is what we did and after a few nights he forgot about milk and went back to sleep with a cuddle. I was still feeding to sleep at bedtime at this point. Then when we had night weaned we tackled feeding to sleep before bed - my husband had to do bedtime for a few nights too. Controlled crying will just teach him that if he cries you won’t comfort him.

blondie1001 no unfortunately not due to work hours...

We did sleep training this time last year. Similar situation with DS feeding to sleep, he would start the night in his cot but would wake frequently and I would eventually bring him into bed with me.

I got advice and went cold turkey on the night feeds, nothing at all between bedtime and morning feed. He was very upset at first but we did cuddle/rock him, sing to him etc to comfort him. It wasn't as bad as I feared and he did understand very quickly. Within two or three nights he was settling quickly in our arms. The problem was that he would wake up crying every time we tried to put him down. So then we had a second phase when he transitioned from falling asleep in our arms to falling asleep in his cot. He did cry a lot unfortunately but again we comforted him, sat with him and put a hand on him which helped him to settle. That worked well for ages, until our presence seemed to become more of a distraction than a calming influence, as he wouldn't lie down and go to sleep, or would doze but not fall asleep fully and then wake up crying when we left the room. So we eventually did a bit of controlled crying - which I had been absolutely against doing for so long, but it worked well tbh. I did go in at short intervals to reassure and cuddle him.

My DD is 14 months at the moment and although she stopped breastfeeding about a month ago, she started just biting 😫, she is the same at night. From about midnight she's in bed with me but to get her into her cot before that I've had to start doing controlled crying.
I always said I'd never do it but I've tried everything else and this is the only thing that works. She's getting much better after a week of it so far, she can settle herself if she wakes up until between midnight and 2am and then like you I bring her into my bed just so we can all get some sleep :)

FWIW I think it's really important to be consistent, as they won't understand why they are sometimes allowed milk/cuddles/getting into bed with mummy, and sometimes not, so they will cry much more in the hope they'll get it this time.

Consistency means they will understand and accept it quicker and be less upset overall.

Thank you so much for your comments peeps So if he wakes (if??? Of course he will😂😂) maybe just offer water?? It will probably be a couple of weeks before I can start cc just because I want to take some time off for it, not looking forward to it but I've got to do something!!! Your comments really help me

You're welcome

We offered water but he wasn't interested.
He does sometimes have water at night (rarely) so we leave a non spill cup in his cot.

Get your partner to take time off work, too, and do it with you. Sleep training can be really hard (especially as you're usually already sleep deprived) and it's much easier with two.

NameChange30 yeah just not so easy as dp is self-employed.