6 month old baby not settling at night whatsoever. Please help me 😭

[MysteryManchild]

My DD will be 6 months in a week and a half, she’s never been a great sleeper but it’s so bad lately. I literally cannot get her to bed before 1am. She’s ebf and have had her in some sort of routine for the past 4 months.

Play time, bath, pjs, boob while I read to her and she usually falls asleep like this. When she’s transferred to her bed she sleeps anywhere from 20 minutes to 45 and thus begins a 3 hour routine trying to get her back to sleep to no avail. My DH travels for work for long periods (6 weeks atm) so I’m completely on my own and feel like I’m ready to have a breakdown. Feel like such a shit mom. No family or close friends nearby, I feel so isolated and depressed.

I think you should look at safe co-sleeping rules and just let her sleep in beside you for the time being. It will improve anyway, no matter what you do, but right now you're exhausted and frustrated and it feels awful. Does she take a soother? Not too late to introduce one. That helps a lot too.

Oh OP I’m so sorry to hear about the situation you’re in. I’m afraid I can’t offer any advice as I’m still learning with my first baby and he’s half the age of yours, but what I do know is that you are not a shit mother. It’s really natural and easy to blame yourself for everything that goes wrong - we all do it - but you mustn’t as it’s just a waste of what precious energy you have left. It sounds like you’ve made tons of effort (ebf and a routine for 4 months already) so you being the cause of this could hardly be further from the truth. Have you got a sympathetic health visitor? If you look in your baby’s red book you should find numbers where you can contact your local team for support. Please do and I wish you all the luck in such a tough situation. Your dd is very lucky to have you xx

My little girl is 2 in March and still doesn’t sleep through, if she is in her own room she properly wakes several times and takes a while to settle, if she is in with me she stirs but doesn’t fully wake. Had myself all geared up in the summer to stick with her in her own room and persevere, but started a full time job and became a lone parent so I’m taking the easy way out and continuing co-sleeping for now.

On the plus side my eldest was the exact same and then the minute he turned 3 all of a sudden he would sleep anywhere and sleep through so here’s hoping!

If you do genuinely feel down and depressed not a bitchy comment just people sometimes use the word depressed when they are just having a bad day etc) then please speak to your doctor, meds’ or counselling do work if you are willing to try (I’ve had both) and speak with your HV about the sleep if you need more support, mine were lovely and talked through all options of safe sleeping with me.

You’re absolutely not a shit mum. Sorry if this is obvious but is she warm enough in her bed? My niece was waking in a similar pattern, falling asleep on mum, put in her cot then waking 30 mins later - after much, much stress, it turned out that was how long it took for her to get cold. My sister switched from baby sleeping bags to layered blankets (well tucked in) and warmer sleep suit and problem solved itself. She’s still a ‘cold’ child now and likes to be wrapped up warm.
Or maybe try a dummy? It’s not to late to try.

I would seriously consider co sleeping if your DH is rarely home. You aren’t a shit mum. Babies aren’t supposed to sleep alone and it’s the fact that in our culture they are expected too that causes all these problems.

And as a pp said a routine from two months basically makes you supermum. My twins are four months and their routine is zero. In fact me DD aren’t even dressed yet as she’s been cluster feeding for the last two hours!

We’re still in our pjs as well! We’re snotty nose island over here 😂 I think I will definitely try the cosleeping thing tonight, just worried about smothering her :( if I have her in her sleeping bag and just a light blanket for me, no pillows, will that be ok? Whenever I get into bed with her she seems more wide awake because I’m there but I guess I just have to stick with it.

Unfortunately she refuses a pacifier and a bottle no matter how hard I have tried, all she wants is the boob both for food and comfort. I think that’s part of my problem though, I absolutely love her but have not had an hours break from her since the day she was born. I would just love an hour in the evening to knit or to eat my dinner without her sitting on my lap. She’s a real Velcro baby and doesn’t like to be left on her own at all. I love that she’s such a mamas girl and wouldn’t change that for the world I promise, it would just be nice to have a bath without her for once 😂

I’m on 100mg sertraline for depression, have been for years but am actually going to the doctors on the 4th to ask for a review because I feel like it’s not working anymore.

Thank you guys for all your help ❤️

Hi OP sorry you are struggling with this. Things do get better over time, but I know that's notuch comfort when you are in the thick of a difficult phase. Just wanted to comment on the sleeping bag, as far as I know these aren't recommended for cosleeping. Here's a link to the LLL page on the subject of safe cosleeping.

www.laleche.org.uk/safe-sleep-the-breastfed-baby/

You aren't doing anything wrong. Lots of babies are like this but of course it is harder when you are on your own a lot. I have three children who were all different as far as their requirement for feeds and cuddles were concerned. I really think that children vary . I tend to the route of least resistance but would advise you just to go along with her and to ditch any tension you have over the whole thing; she will settle eventually ( it can happen surprisingly suddenly) .

The issue is feeding to sleep and also possibly overtiredness. How are her naps in the day?

@crazyoldbaglady thank you for that link, just had a read and it’s amazingly helpful.

The night feeds don’t bother me at all, it’s just the 3-4 hours of trying to actually get her to sleep 😭 but I think I will give this a go.

I’m definitely guilty of feeding to sleep, she falls asleep at the breast 95% of the time, the other 5% I’m stroking her head and face. Her naps during the day are always on me, after a feed. She’s never gone to sleep on her own. I’m not joking when I say she spends 90% of her day on me, either in my arms or a sling. Have I made a x for my own back?

Also one other thing to mention is I feel completely on demand. DD feeds literally every 45 mins to an hour during the day even if it’s just snacking. Very rarely has she gone longer than an hour and a half. I never understand when people say their DC feed every 3 hours :S Do you think I should start timing her feeds?

Please don't feel guilty for feeding to sleep, it's biologically designed to happen as prolactin is released for both baby and mum during breastfeeding. People give themselves such a hard time for it when it's entirely natural.

Don't feel guilty about feeding to sleep! It's an amazing tool! Exactly what nature intended in fact.

I agree with cosleeping. Your problem is not with her going to sleep but the transfer, therefore I'd take the transfer part out of it.

I also don't agree with rods for your back. Mine fed to sleep and coslept for at least 12mo and we gradually moved away from it when they were more ready for it. It might not be for everybody but it was definitely the right thing for us. I just wish that somebody had told me that it wasn't 'the wrong thing' when we battled with DD for the early months. DS was much easier because we coslept and fed to sleep from the start.

Op I co-sleep and could still have written your post. My DD is 5 months and also BF on demand. I have to go back to work in Jan so am looking for tips as I can't be up 4 times a night and do a full day at work. We're trying a Sleepyhead, bought second hand, to see if that helps her sleep for longer spells. It's just so frustrating, I went through a spell of baby groups where everyone had a baby who was younger and slept longer than DD ever has. I know it's no consolation but DD is mixed fed and has started some solids because she had a tongue tie and was losing weight. Neither food nor formula has increased her sleeping. Sigh.

Also have a look online for how to cope with sleep deprivation so days are more manageable if you're on your own.

Feeding to sleep is great when it works. In this case, it’s not working

@lupinsnotbluebells just a word of warning on the sleepy head front, I moved my DD out of here at 3 months as she had outgrown it and had a few sleepless nights. Don’t let that put you off though, she was ok after about 5 days!

We’re struggling with a cold atm so literally on day 5 of barely any sleep 😭 any tips for getting her to sleep longer than 45 mins with a blocked nose?