Moving 20 week old from bed-sharing to own cot: any advice?

[Elf912]

My daughter is 20 weeks. Since 8 weeks she’s shared a bed with me. She hated the cosleeper crib so one night she came in with me and that was that.

She slept well so we were happy together but the 4 month sleep regression has hit hard and since then I’ve been trying to move her into her own room/bed.

She goes down at 7 until 11 dreamfeed byr after midnight I’m up as she’s awake at the end of every sleep cycle. She can’t self settle yet and it’s proving hard to put her down ‘drowsy but awake’ (I literally HATE this phrase) as she’s refluxy so we have to keep her upright after feeds and of course she falls asleep. She’s always been cuddled to sleep/used dummy/fed/in car seat.

I bought the Little Ones sleep training program but not working yet. We use the sleeping bag/white noise etc. For 3 weeks I’ve been up more than 10 times each night after midnight, until I sit up in a chair holding her as I’m so determined not to take her back into my bed. For naps she’s better but we still need to resettle a few times. I don’t get how she sleeps 7-11pm but not after!!!

I’d love some advice from anyone with similar experiences. I just don’t see how I’m going to change it. I’m so tired I can’t fight the fight in the nighttime.

All I was told until she was over the 3 month mark is you can’t spoil her....I obviously have done but it’s pretty hard to just put your 1st newborn daughter down all the time. She was an IVF baby too and I may not be able to have more so the whole thing is a complicated mess and I don’t know where to start!!

My DD is almost 8 months. Sometimes she sleeps in her cot, if unsettled in with me. I actually miss her when she’s in her cot!
She won’t be sleeping with me when she’s an adult! So I try to take the view that so long as we all get sleep it doesn’t matter where.
Enjoy sleep cuddles whilst they are available is my advice!

I also find that if she’s waking every 45-90 mins she usually turns out to have a cold and sleeping improves again when she’s recovered. She usually nurses to clear her nose so it’s easier to co sleep at those times.

Not sure this is the answer you wanted.

Try the “gentle sleep” book. It has practical tips but also sets out what is ‘normal’ for baby sleep x

She’s also an IVF first baby. I honestly don’t believe you can spoil a baby with cuddles and she gives the best cuddles an kisses!

A sleep regression is probably the worst time you could pick for making a massive change to sleeping arrangements. Generally during regressions they want to be closer to you, not further away.

I don’t think you can spoil any baby any age with the comfort they’re looking after, don’t loose sight that you’re doing a wonderful job making your baby feel loved and secure.

Thank you for your replies... I’m really struggling with not having enough sleep is the issue. It’s making me moody and my doctor thinks I’m depressed. If I’m not in a good way I feel like I can’t be a good mum to her it’s really getting me down. How long does the regression last? They say don’t try things before 4 months and do it before 6 so it’s not really a big window is it?!

Hi OP,

I know this is hard, my DD didn't sleep until she was 6.5 months old and it was a killer; my DH thought I was depressed (I wasn't), I developed post-natal insomnia and couldn't handle the lack of sleep anymore.

We ended up putting her in her cot in her own room at 6.5 months and did controlled crying one night (the Ferber method) in a desperate effort to get some sleep and get her to learn how to self-soothe. This involved going in to quietly comfort her if she cried and shhhh-ing, stroking her for 2 minutes, then leaving the room. If she was still crying, leave her for 3 minutes, go in to comfort her for 2 minutes, leave her for 4 minutes, go in to comfort for 2 minutes and so on until we got up to 10 minute intervals. On that night it took about 40 minutes for her to fall asleep and she did so for about 4 hours, and took about another 40 minutes of the above method to get her to sleep for another 3 hours.

We considered that a success and we were prepared to do it the following night after putting her down for naps in her own cot during the day too, but that following night she slept through for the very first time! We both woke up after a solid 8 hours sleep with a shock, completely panicked, ran into her room to find her quietly snoring away in the land of nod. Bar illness, she's slept through even since and is now 16 months.

I know controlled crying can be a contentious subject and it isn't everyone's cup of tea, and that's fair enough, but it worked for us and our DD so thought I'd share my experience in case you wanted to give it a go. Otherwise, I hope it works out - it sounds like you're doing everything you can and you will get there one way or another, I know how hard sleep deprivation can be so hopefully this phase will end soon xx

They say don’t try things before 4 months and do it before 6 so it’s not really a big window is it?!

Who says?

We co-slept until 7 months then used pick up put down method but kept him in our room. He moved into his own room at 9 months.
One thing said to me that really stuck was they need to go to sleep and wake up in the same place... imagine going to sleep in your bed and waking up in the garden! It doesn't matter where that place is (your bed/their bed) but if she is falling asleep when you are holding her that might be the issue
And you can't spoil her by loving her too much!

Thank you... good to just know it’s not just me! You know how other mums can be in NCT with all their babies sleeping through! Maybe we’ll try the crying as she’s just not learning to self settle!

You know... sleep professionals, doctors, HV’s, know it alls 😂😂! All the non hardcore books and methods say not befits 4 months

I’ve never spoken to a qualified health professional or read a baby book that advocates sleep training at all, never mind before 4 months!