8 month old sleep battles

[somewhereovertherainbow18]

I have a gorgeous 8 month old who is an absolute delight in every way except for sleep. He was born 13 months after my first baby passed away and I have to say I have had lots of anxiety since he was born and am guilty of keeping him close and holding him, cuddling him and rocking him to sleep for naps and bedtimes. Now we've started to try and get him into a bedtime routine and it's turning into an absolute nightmare. We cannot put him down at all unless he is in a really really deep sleep - if we put him down awake or he wakes on transfer he is absolutely inconsolable. He screams and cries until he wretches and I'm worried he's going to make himself ill. Tonight for example we fed him, bathed him listened to some quiet music downstairs and when he seemed drowsy brought him upstairs to his crib (in my room) well he went BALLISTIC screaming and crying for over 45 minutes even though I was lying in the bed beside the crib stroking his face, singing etc and trying to comfort him (tried to leave the room before and that makes him even worse) after 45 minutes of crying I finally caved and couldn't take seeing him so distressed so I picked him up and rocked him to sleep and he was so tired I was able to get him back into the crib relatively easily. Once he's over he's a great sleeper and will sleep for around 9/10 hours at a time only wakening once or twice but putting dummy in usually sends him back to sleep straight away.
I'm totally at a loss of what to do, I feel like I've failed him because now he's become so reliant on me rocking him and cuddling him he can't self settle at all and it's causing him so much distress at bedtime. I would be tempted to just keep rocking him and setting him down once I know he's in a deep sleep but my DH (and to and extent me) think this is just prolonging the issue and going to make it harder for him to sleep the longer we leave it. I'm going back to work in about 4 weeks so would like to try and make a little headway before that.
Reading this back I don't want to come across as cruel, I love our evenings together and having sleepy cuddles with him but I am missing evenings with my DH and worrying that I'm going to cause him issues getting to sleep in the long run if I don't help him learn to self settle now. Any advice would be much much appreciated xxx

As you say you need to help him learn to self settle. My daughter went through this with her DD1 who used to need rocking to sleep as a baby and just before she returned to work she ended up having to do some gentle sleep training around 7 or 8 months and got her used to going to sleep in her cot with her sleep bear for comfort. Tough to begin with but she got used to it. You don't leave them crying alone. There is a sleep regression at 8 months though which might be making him worse.

Can you do it gradually? Get him used to going to sleep without the rocking first, just perhaps cuddling him with a dummy then get to the point of being able to lay him in his crib and just put your hand on his chest? Maybe sit upstairs with him in the quiet for less and less time each day? Gradual withdrawal method I think they call it.

My 8 month old DGD2 was not rocked to sleep as a baby but still protested at being put alone in a crib to sleep initially. My DD coslept with her until about 6 months. Now she has learnt to self settle in her own room with gentle sleep training and also has a soft toy she likes to cuddle. I think they call it a sleep prop which they use as a substitute for when you are not there. Do you use a baby sleeping bag to keep him cocooned? That might make him feel more secure. I think doing it in small steps is the best way.

My son was like this during the sleep regression at that age. I sat by the cot singing,stroking,ssshhing...he’d just scream till he was almost sick. So I’d cave very quickly!
Maybe try a comforter if he doesn’t already have one (keep it with you or in your bed for a bit so it smells of you) I also tried to make sure he was happy in his cot,when he woke from naps or in the morning I’d chat to him in there play peekaboo between the cot bars.
Could also try pick up put down when you good then till they’ve settled and stopped crying then put them down,if they cry just repeat that.
That worked for us (for a while!)
You’re not alone! X

Agree with PP, do this really gradually, slower rocking, to no rocking, to just being there for comfort without physically having to stroke them etc.
Also I found this much easier to do by starting with nap times, trying to do this at nighttime when you are both tired is ten times more difficult. Get into a nice daytime routine first then when that's nicely established you can move it to bedtimes, good luck!

Sorry I meant *Hold them not good then! 😂
We did as pp said,started less rocking,then just holding x

Thanks everyone.
I've taken everything on board and going to try pick up put down / gradual retreat this weekend! Will keep you posted xx