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Original poster

Anyone else have seperate sleeping arrangements?

9 replies

Courageouswhale · 01/12/2018 04:26

Young DCs. 6 month old feeds twice during the night, each feed lasts 1 hour and can wake gassy inbetween times- my partner goes in to settle her most of the time.

4yo with an allergy that sometimes wakes her during the night and she has to be settled to sleep again (usually by DP) after waking us both.

Partner is a messy/thrashy sleeper who breaks wind so loudly when he sleeps that he startles me awake and takes the sheet from underneath me from fidgeting so much.

I feel so angry when bed sharing with DP that I no longer want to bedshare with him. However, during times we have slept seperately, intimacy and general affection between us dwindles. Does anyone else have long term seperate sleeping arrangements? Does it work?

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 01/12/2018 04:32

We sleep separately at least 50% of the time due to DH snoring and also two dogs and sometimes a cat wanting to share. Have been doing this for about three years. It has no impact on us.

Napssavelives · 01/12/2018 04:35

We start the night in the same bed but when ds3 gets in one of us goes to the spare room to maximise sleep

PulyaSochsup · 01/12/2018 04:55

He snores and tends to need to sleep all night, I'm in constant pain and
tend to sleep heavily for short periods and then need to use the bathroom frequently with continence issues but nap during the day. We usually try to cuddle up late at night and early on before the children wake so it works for us Smile

butitsstillnighttime · 02/12/2018 07:30

Really interested in this-came in to start my own thread as going through issues with DP. He gets So angry and despondent if we sleep separately, but we have an 18 month old who wakes at 4.30-5, I work full time, and DP snores after any booze (and sometimes if just over tired).He wants to stay up till 11, and I try for 10, which means I inevitably don't get into deep sleep before he comes up, then lay awake to his snoring until I sod off to spare room. This happened last night and we were woken at 4.30, so that's 5 hours of sleep at best.
I had severe, crushing PND for a year and know that sleep is fundamental for my well being, but this morning I got a stroppy comment about how shit our life is whilst listening to our toddler scream, all because I didn't stay in bed with him last night (which would have involved me waking him several times to roll over, resulting in even less sleep).
I reluctantly accept that I can't tell him what time to go to bed (even if he is a grumpy overtired shit!) So if he wants to stay up I go to bed on my own in the spare room, but he HATES this. I think it might break us up...
I'd love to hear more points of view as he makes me feel there is something wrong with me and I should cope on less sleep...

Surfskatefamily · 02/12/2018 08:51

We sleep separate as husband snores. If im sleep deprived and its his fault i feel like i hate him. Its better for our relationship not to sleep next to each other

butitsstillnighttime · 02/12/2018 09:14

@Surfskatefamily i feel the same! How does your other half take it? Does he get annoyed or is he gracious about it?

LizzieSiddal · 02/12/2018 09:22

I don’t like having separate sleeping arrangements. I feel really lonely and hate it.

However I’m practical and over the years have had periods where we’ve slept separately, especially when Dds were babies/ill/teething etc and if one of us has been ill.
Dh started snoring really badly recently so for my own sanity i slept elsewhere but I made it very clear how unhappy I was with this. So Dh lost a bit of weight and the snoring has completely stopped.

I really wouldn’t want to sleep apart longterm.

gamerchick · 02/12/2018 09:24

I have my own bedroom and have had for years. Husband was awful to sleep with until he got his CPAP, he was also a very active sleeper and tried to push me out of bed a few times.

I love my room, its like a giant hug when I walk in. Decorated for just me, no man stuff or man smell in there Grin

Intamacy or anything else relationship wise has not gone down the pan either, we make time for each other like that. I don't resent him because he makes me have a shit night's sleep. In fact I take sleeping for granted now, I couldn't go back to sharing a bed.

These men who strop about it need to be told the reasons that you don't want to bed share and told that sleeping apart is going to continue until they've sorted whatever issue it is. These men are selfish but if you don't tell them why then how will they know?

Surfskatefamily · 02/12/2018 12:32

Hes fine about it. He didnt want me to feel angry at him all the time

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