Feeling Hopeless

[Ivybank]

I feel like a complete failure as a mother. My seven month old breastfeed baby will not sleep. I am exhausted. He will go down in his cot asleep at 7pm after a feed. After that I can’t get him to go down in his got I dread 10pm every night as I know it’s going to be the same crying in his cot, until I pick him up, he is then calm instantly. I’ve tried trying to settle him without picking him up it doesn’t work. I’ve tried leaving him to cry it doesn’t work. I’ve tried giving him super, it doesn’t work. I’ve know idea what I’m doing wrong but I can’t go on like this. I hear everyone else’s babies sleeping for 4 hours at a time.
I’m not sure if I’m now suffering from PND or just sleep exhaustion.
I’m not sure what the purpose of this post is other than to vent at how completely hopeless I feel.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but firstly it's not down to anything you're doing or not doing. I've got two DD and my first was a dream sleep wise, second is a nightmare. I'm not doing anything differently. They're just different babies.

I don't have any helpful words of advice but wanted to let you know you're not alone. I've started to co-sleep with DD2 as the only thing that comforts her is being latched on. She won't take a dummy. So I've given in and whilst she starts the night in her cot, she tends to be in bed with me by 10pm ish (she's often woken up numerous times by then). At least this way when she wakes crying I'm right there and she can latch on and go back to sleep.

I'm sure I'm creating a rod for my own back but if I don't get some sleep now I'm not sure how I'll keep going. I'm also too tired to try anything else right now.

I'm sure this is just a phase but there's always a voice in my head saying 'but what if it isn't?'. My plan is just get through until I can face trying to resettle her in her own cot again.

As I say, not helpful in terms of advice, but hopefully helpful from a solidarity point of view! X

I'm cosleeping after going through all that with my first.

He goes down in a sleepy head in a bedside crib - used to do approx 5 hours thereafter but not for a while now. Usually a couple of hours and then I basically cuddle or boob back to sleep all night. If I think he might go back in the crib I do but after 2 am he tends not to.

I know he's trying to sit up, crawl, just started solids, been sitting well for 4 weeks - it's all big changes for a little one. They like to be near. Bad cold has messed things up too. Sone nights it's a couple of wakes, others it's hourly.

I don't think about the future; I know if it gets too much I can change things but I'm all honesty I'm getting more sleep than I ever did with my first even on the hourly wake nights. I just don't really fully wake so go back to sleep easily.

I also think he's trying to sleep on his front but not fully worked it out or happy yet.

He's my last so I'm fully enjoying the cuddles. They're bony and difficult to cuddle at 5! (Eldest!)

I breastfeed by 4 month old son....

For the last few weeks he's been up every hour!!! feeds and sleeps.... Sometimes he doesn't even feed a lot (like 10 mins) and it seems just for comfort....

I'm exhausted and drained!!

I think I'm going slightly crazy!!
I can feel myself falling asleep when feeding him... I feel sick when I have to get up and just getting run down.

@Ivybank

I'm sat crying reading your post. This is my life. 6 month old breast fed baby who doesn't sleep. I have cried every night for 2 months. I'm exhausted and never felt so hopeless as a mother.
It's heart breaking feeling this useless.
He goes down at 6:30-7 with the same routine every night. And between 9-10 he's awake every 40 minutes to an hour constantly throughout the night.
Never been so emotionally fed up before.

It's so tough! My wee monkey is now nine months and there has been improvement as he's now only up twice through the night. It's so hard hearing friends talk about how their babies 'sleep through' what I would do for w full nights sleep!
Hang in their Poppy 1989, we are all doing an amazing job and hopefully we are creating secure loved adults for the future.

I came onto this site looking for answers too, seems we all have the same issues. Our first is not a good sleeper and never has been. People say its a phase and it will improve, well, it got to 6mths and it didn't! He's now 8mths and will wake about 4-5 times a night and he's just started waking at 4am and being WIDE AWAKE and not wanting to sleep.

My wife is taking the brunt of the night time work as I have to work in the day, she's on Maternity leave. She is just so exhausted, she feels sick through exhaustion and is now actually getting sick, as her defenses are down. The little man is attending Nursery 2 days a week now and he comes back with new germs each time, he's got an awful chesty cough so he feels terrible I'm sure. Whatever he brings back, I then seem to contract, so I am permanently poorly.

So, to the OP above, you are not useless, nor helpless, you are a new parent and I think we are all going through similar issues, but every baby is different. My brother had a daughter who has slept through every night from birth. They don't know how lucky they are!

People say if you have a terrible sleeper, your next child is a good one. My worry is , what if this IS our good one!

@RalphsDad
I feel for you and your wife.
My husband is struggling with the situation at home

Our boy woke 8 times last night, in 9 hours!
I'm constantly tired, grumpy, snappy, miserable, I have no energy and honestly have no hope for a good nights sleep anymore.

We have close friends with a boy the same age, who say they are tired if their baby wakes up twice in a night! ( i wish)

I have tried it all..... and nothing works.

It's deflating. I feel as a mother I should no why my baby doesn't like to sleep. Or what's keeping him up.

I feel for anyone in this situation. It's awful. I pray it gets better 😐

I came on to basically write the same thing so am now sat here in tears. DD is grumbling in her cot. She will not sleep unless she is attached to me but I'm exhausted. She just won't settle and wakes 5/6 times a night even if we co-sleep. We do a bedtime routine but I then have to stay with her so I'm basically in bed from 630 pm every night otherwise she won't sleep at all and I end up with a chronically over tired baby the next day. I feel absolutely broken, exhausted and lonely. DH sleeps in the sofa so at least he gets some rest as he is working in the day. I habent been able to put my toddler to bed for weeks and i miss that time with and hes struggling with it as well. This is all just shit, DS just wasnt like this, he was a complete dream and loved his sleep. I'm just broken.

@BearintheBigBlueHouseofnoSleep

It's 2am and after settling my boy down for the 6th time tonight, he's just gone. Can to sleep (for all of half hour) and my other half asleep in the other room (like every night)
I'm sat awake...: stressed and upset. Over thinking everything I do. I feel Hopeless.

Isnt it the most frustrating thing when all you want to do is sleep?! It feels like it's never going to get better. Iv seen people write on here that their children are 1 year plus and still wake up 5-6 times a night! Is this my life from now on?! No sleep?!
Headaches and feeling sick? Having no evening to myself as I also have to go to bed when the little one does. I don't feel like me. It's a lonely feeling. But I guess we are all together in that. X

It's exhausting. In the couple of hours DD had my DS woke so I've had about 3 hrs broken sleep in total but it's more than I've had for the last few nights. It's unbearable and to be honest it's making me think about moving onto formula or mixed feeding at least. I'm just a mess.

@Poppy1989
I feel e x a c t l y the same!! Is this my life now without sleep, without time with my partner, without cuddles or a little time for myself? I also have to go to sleep with my DS otherwise i am not going to have enough sleep to be a good mum to my munchkin.
Everyone says it will pass its only a phase and it will get better but will it?!?