Please help me stop feeding my 1 year old son to sleep

[Sakura03]

My lb has now turned 1 and I only breastfeed him at night to get him to sleep and then unfortunately every time he wakes... I feed him to sleep on our bed and then transfer him to his cot but he normally wakes after an hour and we repeat (He's teething but miraculously he slept 4 hrs in his cot in one stretch last night for the first time for months). Once I'm in bed he comes to join me when he wakes and if I feel energised I keep putting him back in his cot but he wakes easily after midnight so often he stays in bed with me. I know... it's a really bad habit when I ideally want him to sleep in his cot.
We're in a small 1 bedroom flat and my partner has been on an air mattress in the lounge for months now, he is not sleeping well and I'd like him back in the bedroom. We cant all three share the bed as just not enough space to do it safely. Anyway I really want my boy to be able to fall asleep on his own and my thought is to start giving him a bottle tomorrow night and then put him in his cot and stay with him until he falls asleep. I have put it off for a long time because I fear that he is going to be extremely cross with me but I have made my mind up. I need to do this! But what do I do when he wakes in the night??? I would usually just offer boob as that way we'd both get some sleep but I can't keep doing that. My lb is using me as his dummy so a lot of it is just for comfort, he has never accepted a dummy and we've tried loads of different brands.
Has anyone done this? Any tips? It has to be me doing it as my partner is not available to do it. Tia x

I know you don't have a lot of space but does it have to be a cot? When my DS was 12mo I moved him onto a double mattress on the floor in his room (Montessori bed if you don't want to call it a mattress on the floor!!). I still fed to sleep initially and any wake ups but I fed him in his bed and then I could get up and escape. For me, I wanted to change our cosleeping pattern first rather than breastfeeding. It worked really well and he started sleeping through a few nights later. Had a few blips along the way with illness etc but that's to be expected and to be honest, I'm always happy to BF because I know he'll be back to sleep quickly.

Would you have space in your room for a single mattress on the floor?

Following AVIDLY.
I too am in the same boat.
Only we co sleep, in the same bed including my husband and my miniature schnauzer.

Vicious circle, too exhausted to change routine.

DS is 10 months

teaandbiscuitsforme no space on the floor unfortunately... it gone from bad to worse. Yesterday night he happily took a bottle. I then put him in his cot and he screamed, I padded him and quietly shussed him but that just made it worse. I picked him up a couple of times but that too made it worse. In the end I just sat in silence next to him whole he screamed until he fell asleep. It was awful. It took 40 minutes and then he woke up after 50 minutes... my dp then suggested that I breastfed him as he thought it would be cruel to go cold turkey so we were back to square one.
Tonight I wanted to try again, my lo was really tired and as soon as he saw the bottle and we got into the bedroom he started screaming hysterically to the point where my pd came in and said just bf him. Which I then did... I don't know what to do... anyone got any suggestions?

Are you only bf at night now? If you want to give it up then cold turkey is probably the quickest way. Unfortunately though baby associates you with boob and sleep, he doesn’t know any other way to get to sleep. To be honest the best way to break that association is for dad to be in charge at night for a few nights. I’m guessing that’s not an option? Or could he go and stay with someone whilst you try some sleep training? There’s no magic quick fix to this I’m afraid.

You could try the pantley pull-off. Essentially you feed for a bit, then unlatch them. If they protest, immediately relatch, feed for a short time then unlatch again. Rinse and repeat until they fall asleep. The idea is to give them the opportunity to get used to falling asleep while not latched on without getting upset because you're denying them milk. Then you can gradually transition to just cuddling to sleep, then to holding them in bed, then to sitting by the bed and so on. Not an instant solution but much gentler than just switching to the bottle.

I wouldn't go cold turkey. You've got to bare in mind that you're his source of comfort. Does he have a cuddly toy or other comforter? If so, gradually work towards replacing you with that. It will take a while though! Also look up Jay Gordon night weaning.

It's a lot of pressure to change BF and cosleeping in one move.

missyB1 yes only bf at night, he has a bottle of formula in nursery. Dad cant/won't do it partly because of his work commitments but he also blames me for bringing our son into our bed and not getting him to sleep consistantly in his cot from when we put it up when he was 5.5 months...
UnaOfStormhold yeah maybe that's the way forward - thank you.
teaandbiscuitsforme it's only just now that yes started showing a little interest in a cuddly toy (he started taking them off the other children in his nursery🤣) so we've bought him two but he doesn't want them near him when he goes to bed although I keep placing the small one near to him. A few months back when he first started nursery they hold me that he hold on to a muslin when they got him to sleep but again he just throws it away when I try that. So would you also suggest the pantley pull-off?

Following as I was going to post something similar. DS is nearly one, and I still breastfeed to sleep for naps and bedtime. Did cosleeping as well but now he gets upset and thrashes around, so just feed until he's sleepy enough to go in his cot. Difference here is that he can be put down awake by DH and will basically lie down and sleep with a toy to cuddle and some shushing. If I try exactly the same he stands up in his cot and gets really upset. Can you talk to your DH again about trying? I think being able to smell milk might be difficult for them when they're tired, DS can have been upset and on and off feeding for ages, and DH has him asleep in 5 minutes.

Having the same problem with my 14mo dd! About a month ago we managed to night wean cold turkey when dp had a week off work, so when she woke in the night her dad would try and settle her in the cot and if he couldn't he got her into bed with him and I slept elsewhere. The first night was hard but honestly it only took about 3 nights before she would happily settle for him and I managed a night out for the first time since she was born! I was then just breastfeeding morning and evening and she started eating more during the day too. Unfortunately we've had a relapse after a bout of illness and she's now teething so back right where we started :( we will be trying again soon!