This is going to be a totally self indulgent moan so apologies in advance. I have a 3 year old and a 7 month old who do not sleep. I haven't slept for over 3 years. My evenings and nights are so desperately miserable and I just don't know what to do - of course there is no option but to just carry on but it's just awful.
We have tried so many things with our older son that I have totally lost all hope. It's like when you can't be bothered to go on a diet because you know you're never actually going to be thin.
The only time that things were better temporarily were when he was 13 months old and we did sleep training with him - leaving him to cry for a few minutes at a time. And he started to sleep through for a few short (glorious) months but then was sick and so he came into our bed for a few nights and that was it, back to square 1. And I never had the stomach for the sleep training again.
We have recently paid a sleep consultant to help us with him but as we were coming to the end of the sleep plan, which was to be out of the room when he falls asleep (having moved further away from the bed over the previous nights), he started to freak out saying he was scared of shadows and monsters and he did seem genuinely terrified so we couldn't force him to be in the room on his own. So that was another attempt down the pan.
So the problem we have with him is that he dicks around for ages going to bed and then wakes in the night and comes into our bed and ends up sleeping sideways so we can hardly squeeze in. He also insists on it being me that goes to him in the night and will go totally loopy for a very long time if my husband goes and says I'm asleep or not able to come. And of course I could never sleep through him screaming the house down so even if my husband insists that I'm not coming I could never stay asleep or go back to sleep.
Then there is the baby. Feeds to sleep, wakes 20 million times a night, I regularly contemplate amputating my own arm as to avoid waking him whilst sliding it out from under him. We are 100% heading down the same slippery slope as with my older son.
A few nights ago between the 2 of them they woke up ELEVEN times. They're killing me. I work full time (get home at 7pm) and then my evenings are spent trying to get them to sleep or running up and down stairs when they wake. Tonight by some miracle they were actually asleep at a reasonable hour and I couldn't believe my luck - but then the baby woke so many times that by 10pm (I'm not in the UK so it's already past 10pm here) I hadn't managed to finish my dinner and just got so pissed off that I left it and came to bed. My husband and I get no time alone together and we basically have no idea what is going on in each others' lives as we are either working or dealing with children. And when we do get chance to interact I'm so tired that I can't even be bothered to catch up. Life admin is so far behind that someone could have been using my credit card for months and I wouldn't notice as don't have time to even check the statement.
I'm not posting for any advice as there is none. I just need to moan to people who will understand. So thank you for listening. I've created these bad habits as nobody else I know has anywhere near this level of sleep issues with their kids. I've done all of the wrong things and it's not fair of me to be angry with the kids for not sleeping but it's so hard, I am the most patient and laid back person but I've never known a more frustrating situation.
The only way I get through each day is to somehow believe that tonight will be different. But I know it won't be, and I'm so done.