Controlled crying advice

[CremeDeSudo]

Ok please don't respond telling me I'm cruel. I genuinely haven't had a choice here as we needed to ditch the dummy as she kept knocking it out of her mouth and then I simply couldn't get her to sleep. Even with cuddling/jiggling etc. An hour of that at 4am was ruining me.

So Thursday night we started controlled crying. It took 45mins the first night and the whole following day she improved. The nights have been brilliant as she's now playing by herself, quick feed, back off.

Morning nap had been ok with just a bit of complaining then off. All other naps since that first day have been awful. Yesterday she screamed for 20mins but I wasn't confident she wasn't hungry so I fed her and she fell asleep on me straight after her bottle. When I tried t9 put her down she woke up. Next nap was back to 35mins again.

Nights have remained fine. I've just tried again now and she's screamed again and I've ended up cuddling her again but when I put her down she'll wake.

I don't know what to do? She seems to have cracked it except for naps? I'm really struggling with the crying now. I didn't want to do it but I feel like my hand was forced by her.

Should I carry on letting her cry for naps? I don't want to undo what we've done already but then if she seems to have cracked it perhaps it's something else? Wwyd?

Not to drip feed, I'm leaving the room and going back in after 2min, 5 etc. If I pick her up and put down again it makes it 10x worse. When I go in she's not comforted particularly and becomes worse. She's 5mo.

She's far too young for controlled crying.

I get why you want her to self settle at night (I wouldn't make the same choice as you, but I understand why you'd make it) - but does she really 'need' to for naps? Does she sleep while out and about in the pram? Or does it really matter if she needs to be cuddled to sleep, or takes short naps? My DS won't settle for naps without being rocked either in the pram or in arms and none of his naps last longer than 45 minutes, but I assume that's just how he is and I can't imagine leaving him to cry to change it.

Just go to her. She's still very little.

Yesterday she screamed for 20mins but I wasn't confident she wasn't hungry so I fed her and she fell asleep on me straight after her bottle.

And doesn't this sort of show the whole problem - do you really want to leave her to cry when you might just be letting her cry in hunger? Until she's a bit bigger and you can be more confident that she's eaten what she needs I wouldn't do this.

6 months is the absolute youngest age to try sleep 'training'. She's too little and she's crying because she needs you, not going to her just teaches her that it's pointless calling for you. Not old enough to be spoilt or 'manipulate' yet.

Ditch the crying, she will learn to sleep herself, she's too little.

I couldn't get her to sleep though. Like, at all. Keeping the dummy wasn't an option for anyone but then she needed assistance to sleep. I can't always go out with the pram/carrier as I have DS so I genuinely didn't know what else I could do as jiggling wouldn't work! If she did eventually go off as soon as I sat down she was awake again. If I couldn't 'get her to sleep' then what could I do?

I think I'm leaning towards not worrying for naps for now. I don't know whether trying to put her down then pick up if she cries again might be a bad idea though?

She goes off ok in the pram etc. If fact it's improved a lot as she seems to fight it less now. She only naps for 45mins max normally

I know it's hard, I have a 6 month old and a 25 month old. But you can't leave her to cry, she needs you. Dc1 just has to suck it up if dc2 won't sleep as I bundle them into the car for a drive or walk. He grumbled initially but is now happy I talk and sing with him while dc2 naps.

Just rock her in the pram for naps. 30-45 minutes is normal nap length at this age.

Just do what you feel comfortable. I did controlled crying because i wanted 5 minutes peace. Please yourself and your kids will be happy.

5 months is very very young. I have a nearly 8 month old and I honestly think she's the worst sleeper on earth.
My first is and always has been amazing at sleeping so a big shock!
I know it's hard ( I've had 4 hours broken sleep the past three nights) but it's too young for sleep training

I hate the sentiment 'please yourself and the kids will be happy' small babies need comforting and letting them cry it out is just teaching them nobody is going to help when they're distressed. Selfish and cruel

I dont mean it in that sense. Of course tend to a crying baby but sometimes they will go off when they cry a bit. Babies can winge sometimes and you cant cater to their every wimper. Well you can then youre grumpy yourself. People just need to relax a bit is what im saying not saying look at that baby lets ignore . :(

What was the alternative though? If I couldn't get her to sleep then what could I do?

What you’re describing is very normal for her age, most babies need to be rocked/cuddled to sleep. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. 5 months is too young for controlled crying in my opinion.

Is she your first baby OP? I think you’re over thinking it, babies cry, babies like to wake up in the night. Just cuddle her and rock her (get a rocking chair or feeding chair). It’s hard but it does get easier. Good luck OP.

If you can’t get her to sleep you have to just wait for her to fall asleep, don’t let her cry herself to sleep. As PP said, a bit of whinging while you shower, cook etc is unavoidable but to leave her full on crying is a bit harsh IMO.

No I've got a 5yr old DS too. I did it with him at 6 months for the same reason- the bloody dummy.

She was essentially just controlled crying in my arms. I wanted to wait til 6 months but I genuinely felt there was no other option. She's so much better now, I just didn't know what do about the naps where she's still breaking her heart and didn't want to undo what we'd done.

I wouldn’t worry about naps if the nights are ok. I know the proper sleep advisors say it’s all just as important, but they drop and then stop napping so soon it doesn’t seem worth the battle. Once they get down to one or two naps a day I find they get better at it anyway, and you don’t want to be that person who can never go out because of the nap schedule.

You said she goes off fine in the pram though?

Orlande, she does since we've done the sleep training. She'd fight it for ages before. She hates the car/carseat. I've just bought a decent carrier now too and she goes off in that ok now.

I think as long as the nights are ok I'll be happy! I was struggling to cope.

Please yourself and your kids will be happy. It is not selfish it's essential.
People who say otherwise usually crash and burn..and eventually start shouting at their kids. Then get angry that other parents are being "selfish" because they were taught that making themselves happy was wrong. I'm not talking about being out every night. If you're sane you'll want to be with your kids.

Happy Mum, happy kids.