2 year old bedtime issues

[user1474565301]

My dd is 2 years 9 months and has always been good at going to bed. We've always had a lovely bedtime routine and I've left her awake and she has been happy to lay there until she drops off.
For the last week, she has started absolutely screaming the house down when I leave the room at bedtime. It's agony to listen to, but I have a 6 month old to put to bed too, so can't stay with my toddler.
She says she had a dream about a man and has since then, she has become wary of men during the day. She has become nervous when she thinks someone is coming to the door. She doesn't want me to leave her side.
How do I know if these are just bedtime tantrums and her trying to assert independence or something more? I really want to reassure her and help the situation, but I also don't want to start staying with her at bedtime and creating a habit which may be hard to break if it's not necessary.
Any advice please?

With the caveat that I haven't got personal experience of this I think my first step would be to have a conversation about it during the middle of the daytime so that there's no pressure and take the time to talk to it through and reassure her.

Anyone? We now have waking in the night and not letting me leave without an hour of screaming and crying. I tried staying until she falls asleep, but after 45 mins, she was not asleep. Each time she started drifting off, she woke herself.

Sorry INeedNewShoes, I didn't see your reply. Thank you. I have tried talking about it during the day, but will try again.
Any other ideas gratefully received.

I would see if you can find some age appropriate resources online to help talk to her about dreams and nightmares. You could reassure her that we all have them and sometimes they are nice, sometimes not so nice but absolutely nothing to be scared of. It sounds like there has been a lot of change for her if you have a young baby. Do you spend time just with her without baby? I know a lot of friends have had issues with a bit of jealousy and struggling to share mummy which has manifested itself in all sorts of different ways. I've also seen people use 'magic potions' to get rid of bad dreams and monsters. Think a spray bottle of water filled with glitter sort of thing.

Ah, the lovely toddler sleep regressions. All three of mine have gone through this to one degree or another. I currently have the middle one (4) in her bed next to my bed whilst she's going through night wakings/shoutings. My oldest was like it until he was about 3.5 - still too young to rationalise anything about bedtime is bedtime etc, not time to be up screaming. He's 5.5 and now finally sleeps through the night.

What helped with him, and all children are different though of course, was a Gro clock - but only when he was really old enough to "get" the concept of star equals nighttime, sun equals wakeup time. It took a few weeks/months of constantly "it's not wakeup time, sun isn't up" for it to start to sink in.

Otherwise, for all of them, it was a case of go in, reassure them, come out, leave them for a bit, go back in, "bed time", come back out, leave it for a bit longer, and so on. Then the next few nights, leave it for longer and longer. When the youngest now wakes and shouts for me in the night (and just a normal shout, not bad dream shouting) I listen for a few minutes but she goes back to sleep because she's tired enough to do that. My oldest was different in that you just couldn't go in to him - once you did, it would make it horrifically worse if you left so he would get a quick kiss, "sun's not up yet", and leave and that would be it.

Why be so obsessed with bedtimes? Let her stay up with you until she falls asleep.

It sounds like a genuine nightmare OP, I don't think she's having you on. It seems like she is genuinely scared to go to sleep and needs reassurance. Have you tried a night light? I was scared of the dark as a kid but I happily slept with my bedside light on with no problems.

One of mine was a total pest during the night and I took them on a special trip to the shops to buy a soft toy animal to give them cuddles during the night when I was looking after the baby. It helped a bit. I would give it a really big cuddle at bedtime so it had one of 'my' cuddles stored up and ready to pass on when toddler needed it.

For the bedtime part, maybe sing outside their bedroom door for a bit? They still get to feel you are very close and comforting them but you haven't gone as far as going in to the room. A gentle lullaby nursery rhyme CD in their room might work too.

It's so difficult isn't it? If I thought it was 'just' her trying to take charge/being a toddler /having a tantrum, I'd have no problem being firm and leaving her to it and hoping that would stop it.
I hate the thought though, that she might be genuinely scared to go to sleep and needs me. She's still so little. Maybe I'm just being soft?

DS is the same age and until quite recently was tough at bedtime- I'd have to lie next to him for an hour or more until he stopped playing and went to sleep, although with a groclock once down he was down til morning. If I left he'd scream until he was sick.

In the summer I became very 'forgetful'- had to go and get his drink, left a nonessential bear downstairs etc- and he gradually started going longer without me until he no longer needs me to go to sleep. It's heaven. Might be worth a try?