Confused about what to do, sleep deprived...

[Catheroooo]

Long story short....

11 month old.... coslept out of necessity from birth. At 6 months put in own room as started waking hourly and I was bonkers. Did it with controlled crying but it didn't get to screaming stage. She rolled on her tummy and slept which I think she hadn't been able to do in my bed.

No probs with weight but is small. So I was always worried and always responded to wake ups with a feed. Has gone to sleep independently but for a few months now either rocks for fed to sleep.

No night is the same. Sometimes wakes every 1.5 hours, sometimes every 4. Up until very recently woke after 45 and took ages to go back down.

Every time demands a feed.

Lately one of those wake ups refuses to go down and can be up for 1-2 hours. Saturday night it was 3. I had been taking her into spare bed with me but she still just wriggled around during that time. Last night managed to get her in her own bed all night but woke so frequently. Partner very against cosleeping and I'm no fan but not sure what else to do at 3am. Partner very supportive though.

She only naps in cot, pram or pushchair catnaps.

Started nursery 2 months ago but had been settling well lately.

I really don't want to sleep train. But being back at work Im exhausted. I know if I sleep train I will feel guilty even if she's asleep that she's just learnt to not cry for me rather than she's feeling settled.

I was planning on night weaning using Jay Gordon's approach in the new year. She doesn't take much milk in the day but is good with solids now.

Any other suggestions or do I just ride it out given my feelings about ST? Life feels so unbelievably hard (I know we are lucky), but I am tired, irritable and just feel permanently hungover. Partner so worried about me but I just use him as a punch bag due to exhaustion. I feel sad feeling that this time that she is a baby is just shit. I know it's a phase but I read about 4 year olds or more still not sleeping and I genuinely can't do this for that long.

Oh, and it looks like she suffers from motion sickness as vomited whenever we go anywhere more than 30 mins away using windy roads.

Feel like all I do is moan that life is crap but it does just feel that way and I can't see the end.

My little boy is 11 months and has always been on the small side so I was like you and always fed at each wake thinking the more full he is the more he'll sleep. He was waking every 1-2 hours though and I was exhausted. About a month ago I snapped and couldn't do it anymore so decided to night wean and it was one of the best things I've ever done. I'm not sure people will say it's the neat way to go but we just went cold turkey and didn't feed at any wake up, he was confused for the first few nights and it was difficult at first but after two nights he started to sleep 6+ hours and by night four he slept all the way to 4am. By a week he slept through the night and has done every night since. I feel like a new person and definitely think I'm a better mum during the day for him because of it!

Second what idontknow said... night weaning solved our sleep troubles in three nights and I too feel like a better mum with the extra sleep and I'm happy my DC is getting the sleep they need too.

Thank you. Didn't you find it was a horrendous screaming fest?!

We had this. We did CC with DD for bedtime because I was at my wit’s end, she wouldn’t settle without me and I was going back to work doing shifts so I knew we had to change things.

With overnight, we left it until I was back at work but she was waking 3-4 times a night, I was on my knees at work. So we chose a weekend and sent DH in with a bottle. When DD realised boobs were not forthcoming, she screwed her nose up, accepted a cuddle and went back down. This lasted 3 nights, 4th night she slept through! I think in your cirucmstances if she will normally take a bottle, it’s worth trying.

It wasn't too bad. I was ready and prepared for the sleepless nights though, I napped in the day whilst my mum had DD and then that meant I was able to see it through over night and not crack! I offered water and cuddles and she was a bit frustrated but it did work. We still co slept most of those first two nights as she needed the comfort of me being there even without the milk but then as she wasn't waking for milk after the third night she went into her cot no problem and stays there most of the time till morning (though quite an early riser!) apart from illness occasionally. My husband works away so I couldn't have him doing the settling, maybe that's a way you can share doing it though? My friend told me to get on and night wean as it had changed her life, I felt I was too scared to upset my baby etc but I was on my knees and about to return to work, so I bit the bullet and did it and it is the best thing I could have done for both me and my DD so whenever I get asked about it I do what my friend did and share my positive experience and hope that it works for others too. Just make sure you have had as much sleep as possible and once you have committed to doing it, don't waver or I think the next night would be worse trying again. My friend told me five nights for her baby, mine was three, so it might take some time but everyone I speak to says it was worth it. Good luck if this is what you decide to do!

Something about your post seemed familiar and I realised now I commented on a previous post of yours a little while ago and said almost the same as I said here.. I guess maybe you aren't ready for sleep training methods maybe yet? But maybe it is something to consider if you are still feeling this way about sleep. Really hope you can come up with something that you feel happy with and will get you the sleep you need!

Thank you. I know something needs to change but I've been so desperate to let her find her own way. But it's clear it's not working

I'm so glad you are in a good place! I need to do a bit of research but think I will look at Jay Gordon's night weaning method come Jan.

Ahh this makes me sound weird but she is such a sensitive soul. We tried controlled crying when she was waking after 45 mins but she went on for hours. Im worried I wouldnt be able to see night weaning through. I can't bear hearing her cry.

I think the night weaning wasnt as bad as controlled crying because I stayed with her the whole time she was awake and comforted her so there wasn't much in the way of really awful crying, more grizzling and cuddles.

That was the same for us sw2102.

Op have a look at ‘The No Cry Sleep Solution’ too - it has some helpful strategies.

Once again, thank you.

Feel like I'm putting negatives in the way, but whenever I've stayed with her she just gets wound up that I won't give her boob. And recently I have taken her into the spare bed with me but she just thinks it's playtime and rolls like a loon for an hour before sleep (inc a breastfeed). She's one of those super alert, prob high needs babies!