Made things worse by 'Gentle' training

[Fuzzyduck21]

I've been trying that gradual retreat method with my 7 month old for a week or so. Not been doing it for long but he already is terrified of his cot as he ends up crying himself to sleep every night. Initially i feed him (bf) then put him in and sit in the chair. When he pulls himself up and starts crying (within seconds), I say ssshhh etc. Then he takes crying to next level and I move closer and shush and pat him a bit. Then he sounds like he's being attacked and I pick him up and eventually he calms down. As I'm lowering back in he goes mad again and I end up shushing and patting for 5 min till asleep. Apparently this is a gentle method. Im not leaving him im right there with him within touching distance but he still screams as if someone is murdering him. Then wakes very shortly afterwards probably as he is so distressed. It feels like CC to me and I can't do it any more. I've made it worse as he used to at least go into his cot for 5 min without crying and now his feet haven't even touched the mattress and he's screaming. I can't continue like this. I have a demanding 3 year old and I feel I am on the edge. Baby barely naps either. 20 min here and there despite trying every 2hrs or less if I see sleepy signs. What am I doing wrong? It is ruining my life and marriage as I am the most miserable cow in existence.

Are you doing gradual retreat or pick up put down? I think for gradual retreat you need to have been getting them to sleep in the cot first.

How was he falling asleep before?

All he seems to have learned so far is that the more fuss he makes, the longer you stay.

He isn't terrified of his cot, he just wants your undivided attention.

Of course he wants his mum's undivided attention, he's just a baby, babies aren't manipulative.

I have no real advice OP, I have never had to try any form of sleep training but I didn't also have a toddler to contend with. It sounds really stressful and I hope you manage to get sorted out.

He sounds overtired. No point trying to make changes when he's overtired. How soon after getting up for the day do you put him back down for a nap? Should be about 1.5 hours max after getting up. You need to spend some time getting him as much sleep as possible, whatever method works (pram, car, constant bf). No time to write more sorry, but the No Cry Sleep Solution explains it really well and has some great ideas. Good luck.

It was meant to be gradual retreat but I couldn't leave him to cry like that so I ended up picking up. Before he was falling asleep on the boob and then when fast asleep being put into the cot. Only reason I have stopped is that he's reluctant to feed to sleep now plus he wakes every 1.5 to 2hrs at night. Totally agree he's overtired but no matter what I can't get him to sleep more than 20 mins to half an hour nowadays whether we are driving around, pushchair or on me so my tired idea was if he could settle himself he may sleep! Thanks that's on my list of books to pick up from library tomorrow :) x

I would try doing your bedtime routine and feeding him til sleepy, then putting him in his cot and firmly patting or jiggling him while sshing loudly.
If he gets really upset pick him up and calm him but put him back down before he falls asleep in your arms. Keep patting and shushing.
Once he can fall asleep in the cot with just patting and shushing (usually 3-5 days) then you can think about reducing the amount of help you give.

Going straight from feeding to sleep to gradual retreat is too much of a leap imo.

I would work on getting him to sleep in cot with shushing and patting first. Once he is happy going in the cot and settling quickly that way, reduce the shush pat until you are just putting your hand on his back and he goes to sleep. Introduce the chair after you succeed with this and then gradually move the chair away. Its a long process if you want to avoid tears but it will pay off eventually.

I agree with pp re overtiredness - if overtired, first work on correcting that then start teaching him to go to sleep on his own

Fab thank you that's great advice everyone. Knew you'd all be pros! At an earlier nap he fell asleep on the boob surprisingly and then as I was lifting him into the cot he half woke up but then I shush patted him to sleep within seconds but he was crying quite a bit in those few seconds - does that count as success? Is that them crying themselves to sleep? I'm a newbie to all of this as dc1 was horrendous at sleeping but I put up with it and now age 3 needs someone to lie with him to fall asleep and if he wakes at night (am fine with this but want to miss out the other 2yrs of horrendous sleep that preceded this this time around!). X

Some babies do cry as they go to sleep - they're tired and grumpy.

Sounds like gradual retreat would be suited to your 3 year old though.

My ds is almost 13 months old and has been a bloody awful sleeper right from the start. However, I did make some headway with him when he was about 10 months old and waking every 1.5-2 hours all night and not wanting to sleep in his cot at all.

I would feed him to drowsy levels and then before putting him into the cot I would read him a story (sometimes this just involved showing him the book and reading the title as he was so sleepy) or sing a little rhyme. This tended to interrupt the association with feeding and sleep. Then i would lay him in his cot. For the first 3-4 days I would need to pat his back and shush him until he fell asleep. After a few days I just lay my hand on him but continued the shushing. Then after a few days I just lay my hand on him, no shushing. Then it would be a hand on him but withdrawing it gently when his eyes were closed and putting it back on every time his eyes opened. Within a fairly short amount of time he went from screaming every time I put him in his cot to going in and falling asleep within a few minutes. Once he no longer needed the hand on him I gradually started withdrawing from the room, taking a step or so away from the cot, each time getting further away from the cot and closer to the door. It was going well and for a number of weeks I could lay him down, say goodnight and walk out of the room with nothing more than a bit of moaning. Unfortunately he's been teething like mad for the last 2 weeks (had 4 through in the last few weeks) and his sleeping has gone tits up again (although no where near as bad as before) so I'm doing to gradual retreat again.

Its normal to have some crying when you change from feeding to sleep to falling asleep in the cot. If you're in the room with him and soothing him, its nothing like CC or CIO. Saying that, some babies respond better to no-one being in the room as they get annoyed that their mum is there but not picking them up so sleep training needs to be done according to baby's personality.

Sounds like working upto gradual retreat by reducing your input is the way forward for you.

@Woooman I was in the same boat when my daughter was that age - we successfully gently sleep trained just before 6 months so I could leave the room and she fall asleep on her own but then 8-13 months was teething and illness hell so we were almost constantly needed to pat her to sleep. Finally had a break from teething and she was consistently sleeping though by 14 months

Thanks riddles hopefully we'll get back to normal soon then! I could really do with some unbroken sleep.