Unable to cope with getting overtired baby to s

[KittenCamile]

My DS is nearly 5 months old, he’s always been hard to get to sleep as he’s very alert. He will only feed to sleep (EBF) and mainly sleeps on me during the day and co sleeps at night. Hates car, never slept in a carrier or sling and will only sleep in push chair for 1 sleep cycle (45mins) and that’s only his morning nap.

The last 2 wks what was always hanging by a thread has completely fallen apart. He had injections and then a cold and hasn’t slept for more than an hour in one go since.

Because he is so overtired it can take 2 hrs to get him to have a nap. It’s horrible, he bites me and thrashes about with frustration and fights sleep.

I’m starting to not be to cope with it, I get frustrated too, i cry and have slapped myself in the face a few times because I’m so annoyed at myself for failing to get him to sleep.

How can I help him? How can I recoup some of his lost sleep and him not be overtired anymore?

I feel like I spend my day sat in a dark room rocking a baby on my boob. We don’t have fun anymore and he looks so tired all the time, his eyes are ringed red and his lips get pale.

I hate myself more each day for failing him on such a basic need.

You are not failing him, sleep deprivation is the absolute pits. You sound like a lovely mum, and you are doing your absolute best for him.

Please don’t worry, he will not get ill or anything awful from being overtired, it’s just that it makes the days (and nights!) hard for you both.

You have a couple of options here. You can carry on as you are and hope this is a passing phase of shitty sleep (which it might be), or you can try to support him to sleep more independently. For this, really you will need to stop feeding to sleep. You could do this gently (there is a good MN thread for this - google ‘mumsnet what worked for us’ - it was a family very gently moving away from feeding to sleep. Took a few weeks but they got there in the end.

The other option would be something like controlled crying - would be much quicker but not an approach everybody is comfortable with.

Does he have a dummy? It may be worth trying if not, to replicate the comfort of sucking while bf.

PS - what is your daily routine?

How long between waking and trying to get him to sleep?

He has a bath at 6pm and then we go to bed at 6.30pm. Before his injections he woke at 11.30pm. 2.30am, 5.30am and up for the day at 7.30am. 2.30 an 5.30 are nappy changes (he wakes up to poo) and feed back to sleep.

His awake time is 2 hrs and then I shut the blinds and feed him to sleep. He will sleep on my lap during the day as he wakes if i put him down, he also looks for my nipple sometimes in his sleep.

Am nap would be 1-1.5hrs (today was 30mins)

Lunch nap is 2hrs (he’s at 1hr so far and still asleep!)

Afternoon nap very rarely happens as he won’t sleep past 3pm hence an earliest bed time.

I play white noise. I feed, rock and chant him to sleep.

I have tried a dummy it has worked a couple of times while he’s asleep but then can also frustrate him in his sleep and he wakes up.

Sounds like you have a good routine, but it may be that he needs slightly longer awake times now he is getting older? Perhaps try extending the times by 15 mins or so.

I would try and persevere with the dummy - it is a great sleep cue for my DD, but of course every child is different.

Thanks, he is a very ‘sucky’ baby, obviously he’d much rather have the real thing!

I just need to get him back on track and recoup some of his lost sleep, I know overtired baby’s fight sleep but he is a champion.

Don’t forget that around 4.5 months is a massive sleep regression. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, so don’t blame yourself. The regression can pass, so watch out for that- it’s all very frustrating, but you are responding to his needs which is all you can do!

Can totally sympathise!

My baby has only ever napped during the day on top of me. However this week at 6 months old he’s finally decided he wants to have a nap independently, it’s only for about 20 mins but that’s plenty time for a cup of tea (very novel)!

However it’s all gone rather backwards at night and last night was extremely rough!

Im not sure how the napping not on my chest has happened.. he will feed, fall asleep and then a few minutes later wriggle like he’s not comfy so I lie him down and he stays asleep. It’s nothing short of a miracle after 6 months.

Shame I am too sleep deprived and mental to appreciate it!

OP please don’t stop feeding to sleep, I know how much hard work it is but your baby is so little, they’re just not capable of self settling/learning to sleep independently at this age. You are doing an amazing job, can I maybe suggest trying to go with the flow a little bit, for now? Your DS is at a classic age for a sleep regression, and it sounds like you’re fighting to get him into a routine - maybe just be led by him for a few weeks, and see how you go. If he’s not falling asleep for his nap within about 15 mins, don’t worry, just get him up and try again half an hour later. I would bet you’ll find yourself settling into a routine - albeit a different one - in a few weeks. In the meantime, be kind to yourself, try and take some breaks where you can (if you can).

This where I'm at too. Don't be too hard on yourself it's not your fault. It will improve. My 1st was like this she grew out of it at 15 months

Babies are capable at settling independently at this age, but they need to be supported to do so. If OP wants to continue feeding to sleep because it works for her, that is great, but if it isn’t and they want to try other options, that is OK too.

My baby was sleeping independently at 5 months. Not through luck, but through (gentle) sleep training. She was not a naturally ‘sleepy’ baby. She was in no way harmed by this, and is a happy, confident, loving toddler.

OP you don’t have to sleep train or stop feeding to sleep, but you can if you feel that is best for you.

Try a few different dummies. All of my babies liked to suck. Its very soothing for them. All three had a preference for a different dummy. I spent a fortune on them getting a whole range in which I threw out after we decided to stop on #2. We had a surprise and I went through another £50 worth of dummy's to find the one she liked.

Thank you all for your advice.

Last night was good, he slept well and was up at 5.30 but had no big wake ups between 7pm-5.30am just needing to feed and that was mainly in his sleep.

I took InMemoryOfSleeps advice and today I tried at 10.30 am when he was due a nap, then at 11am and then at 11.30am and he had fallen asleep now without too much bother!

I’m going to try and go with the flow and see. I do put too much pressure on to fall asleep at the ‘right’ time.

I’m happy feeding to sleep, I adore the cuddles and he loves boobs!

I hadn’t thought about trying different dummy’s, might give that a go to help him stay soothed once he is asleep.