bedtime dilemma with DD (2) - please please can Mumsnet save me from doing something I will regret?

[mckenzie]

a quick bit of background.
DS (6) always been great re bedtimes/sleep. Only once in 6 years has he come out of his room except for the toilet or when it's morning. Happy days.

DD (2) went into a bed about 3 months ago when she just turned two and has been great. Toilet trained about 5 weeks ago and great there too.
Suddenly the last week she has been a PITA at bedtime. She goes to bed happily but will pop out of her room 5 mins or so later saying she needs the toilet. I let her go once and then take her straight back to her room. Mostly that wioll be it for the night but the last few nights it has got silly with her coming out about 5-6 times and tonight it was non-stop from 7.15pm until 9.05
I started off just being very cool and taking her straight back to bed and saying the usual "goodnight, god bless, see you in the morning" etc.
The I just took her back but was silent.
Then I started to show I was cross and told her that it was a naughty thing and she needed to stay in her room now until morning.
Then I cried and that was when i knew I needed help from Mumsnet.
Eventually I guess she just got so tired she gave up but that was after nearly 2 hours of backwards and forwards and also, towards the end, she got cheeky and came out of her room and went into DS's room.
Twice i found her standing by his bed so then i felt I had to stay right outside her bedroom door.
Oh, and I also tried tying her door handle to the banister with my belt but that just freaked her out and so we had screams.

Please, I'm sure I can't be the first person to be going through this.
Wise words very gratefully received.

TIA

sorry no advice but good luck - hopefully someone will come along in a minute!

I'm not a great one for bed time advice as I still have problems but...a small suggestion, maybe put a potty in the room so there is no excuse to come out for the loo?

It is hard to know when they are so little, isn't it? I'd check how often she was going in the day in order to rule out a medical cause. I'm sure you've already spoken to her during the day to explain that bedtime is time for her to sleep and for you to read the paper or whatever (try to choose something she enjoys doing in the hope that she understands that disturbing you for something important i.e. feeling ill is fine, but not willy nilly.) As it has only been a few nights, I'd give it a few more and see if she settles down again. Ask her (I'm sure you've done this already) if there is any problem, even something as simple as a new lamp which freaks her out, the loss of a favourite book or something. Tbh it probably wouldn't bother me that much at this stage. Can you put her bed time back a bit so she is more tired? Are her curtains making the room too light? Hth. Ooh, I should say that at that age ds used to come out of his bed to the baby gate, shout abuse at us down the corridor (lived in a bungalow), give up in disgust, close the door on us and go back to bed. He did it a few times a night for a few nights and then stopped. I still don't know what that was all about!

My DD 2.3 is doing exactly the same (except not using toilet as excuse). Once put to bed she re-appear endlessly...like you I put her back again and again and again but I think she thinks its a great game (watching mum getting exasperated!). Now I have put travel cot up in her room and give her 3 chances/returns, 1st appearance told firmly time for bed etc 2nd time warned if gets out again she'll be put in travel cot 3rd time put in travel cot and transferred to big bed later once asleep. It's worked great for us.

could you put a baby gate across the door and a potty in the room.

Use a system by where if she stays in her room all night she gets a sticker and once she gets, say 14 stickers the gate will come off.

That might break the habit.

thank you so much for the replies.
I will speak to her about it tomorrow calmly and ask her if anything is bothering her but my gut feeling says no and that she is just trying to be clever.
The potty in the room is a great idea, thank you, and I have an old stairgate that is fully adjustable that i will put across her doorway tomorrow if necessary.
Stupidly I have already sold my travel cot but only to a friend who I'm sure woudl lend it back to me for a few nights if this continues.

Thanks again everyone. DH is away working and I felt very alone and out of control earlier on. I'm much calmer now and afte a good nights sleep tonight hopefulyl I'll be able to deal with whatever she throws at me tomorrow a little better.

Could she be unsettled because your DH is away working? - Or even picking up that you're unsettled because he's away working? Could be way off, sorry, but my DD is worse just before/during DH's trips away.

bad choice of words on my part Shinynewshoes. I meant that he was out of the house working rather than away.
The way DD has been this morning leads me to think that it is just a personality thing, her terrible twos, trying to get some power, something like that. This morning she has blatently ignored my telling her no TV and with a devious look in her eyes turned the TV on, I then turn it off she turns it on again etc (I then pull the plug and problem is solved).The she comes in from the garden with sand in her hands and I tell her nicely "sand is just for the garden, take it back outside thank you" so she looks at me full on and grins wickedly and drops it all over the kitchen floor
I can't wait for bedtime tonight

Stair gate and potty - she is just trying to find her boundaries. Hopefully, she'll get bored soon!

mckenzie that all sounds so familiar.

Its the way they look at you and smile while they're doing it.

I'm sure they must grow out of it eventually

(actually ds is 2.8 now and getting much better).

and good luck for tonight

thanks guys. DH has come home from work early specially so that we can be a united front. I've got the potty in her room ready and the stair gate poised (I wont put that on to start with as I'm being very positive that it will be fine tonight

Fingers crossed.

How did it go last night?

thanks for asking. DD lulled me into a false sense of security by staying in her room for the first 10 mins and I thought perhaps the other night was the climax. But no, she then came out and I spent 30 mins taking her back, or rather she tried to come out as I pretty much stood right by her door so that as soon as she opened it I just marched her straight back to her bed. After 30 mins DH took over and on trip no 2 he then spoke to her sternly, told her how cross he was, made her get into bed by herself which upset her (ie he stood at the door and didn't go in until she was back in bed), then he stroked her hair, told her he would get cross if she came out again and that was that. So, only 45 mins last night.
Tonight and tomorrow night it will be just me again (one week a month DH has lots of late night meetings and this is the week unfortunately) so i shall try DH's technique and not even enter her room until she is back in bed.
What a load of rubbish huh? I keep telling myself "it is just a phase, it is just a phase, it is just a phase" but my belief if wearing thin

SOunds a lot better.

Remember if you can crack this it should only take a week before she is staying in her room all night every night.

Fake confidence to let her know you are serious.

Good luck for tonight. That was a big turn around very quickly so stay positive and you will get this cracked in no time.

but I'm concerned that it was actually DH rather than what DH did or said. In which case tongiht will be another 2 hour stint again