I cant night wean 2yr old and im going insane

[emmafield82]

My 27month wakes anywhere from 3-5 times a night asking to nurse.

Hes in his own room in a cot and a sleeping bag and a stairgate on his door. This is because he would climb out and come in our room. He still climbs out but at least has stay in his room.

Hes very big and heavy and ive been straining muscles on a nightly basis hauling him back into his cot multiple times.

I always say no the first few times he wakes and then by the 3rd waking im so knackered i just give in to save my ears the screaming and the heaving back into cot.

Hubby is fucking useless as he cant cope without sleep as he works a proper job (as opposed to me being a sahm to four kids). He refuses to help.

I dont know what to do, ive tried weaning totally and failed and I dont want to stop during the day.

When its so often i cant think straight and cant do all these fancy techniques.

His room is next door his three other siblings who share and i fear he'll disturb them.

I think hes eating enough in the day and its just habit.

Ive not slept for 27months and im finished.

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If he's climbing out then I'd put him in a bed. Easier to get back into a bed than a cot. Your other kids may have to put up with a couple of nights disruption in order for him to get the message you are not available for all night feeding.

I put mine in a bed at 15m, I then decided that anytime before midnight she’d not have a feed or get in my bed. I’d sit on edge and just repeat its bedtime and put her back anytime she moved, easier in the bed. After a week or so I’d move that time to 1am etc.
After my decided time I’d feed her in the bed till she fell asleep and I’d leave.
I’d got to her sleeping through with no feeds and one wake up till 6am.
Then I went in to hosp for two nights to have my second and she never fed again.

My husband use to say the same thing but since second arrived I deal with him and DH deals with preschooler if she wakes and it’s tough.

Give your child a warning that it's going to stop, then do a countdown and then stop. Do it at the weekend so that DH has no excuse not to help.
Can you stay somewhere else overnight for a few nights?

He knows if he keeps getting up and asking you give in and he gets his way for an easier life (not that there's much easy about raising kids) for you. He's old enough to understand no, I think tough love is needed - easier said than done I know. But what's the point in saying no the first couple of times if you know its going to drag on, say no and mean it. Might mean a few disturbed nights for everyone but will be worth it in the long run. Hope you get a good night sleep soon.

Put him in a bed and tell you husband he needs to step up and help parent his child. He won’t die without a full nights sleep for a few days. I’m a surgeon and still manage to get up in the night when I have to. There’s no excuse. Only send husband in during night time hours. Expect resistance but should be much improved within 3 days.

You have my sympathies. I just night weaned my 2.5 year old and for the first time in his life he is sleeping through (praise the Lord I haven't jinxed it now).

If it's any consolation I don't think we could have done it much earlier than now as he wasn't ready and I didn't want to do controller crying for weeks on end. I did need my husband to do some of the heavy lifting though. He held and comforted ds at 2 am while he cried and wailed for me . The first night it was about 45 mins, the second 12, and by the third night he gave up.

However issues with your husband are for another thread. For your immediate survival have you thought about putting your lo into a bed, not a toddler bed but a proper bed so you can get in with him and then try to sneak away? When ds was at his worst I made 'the nest' - a big futon arrangement on the floor. That way if we had to co sleep we could and if I managed to sneak away great, if not at least I was lying down!

I used a grow clock for this! Bigged it up to him by telling him he was having a special big boy clock then lots of explaining in the day that there'd be no milk until the sun came up- first 2 nights there were tears (and trying to turn the clock off!!) but then he magically started sleeping through (after years of several night wakings!) and now patiently waits for the sun to come up if he wakes up early. I think I started off with the sun coming about around 5 and then gradually moved it to 7

I'm having the same problem. How old would work for the gro clock do you think please?

I really appreciate the replies.

He tried a bed but it freaked him out. Even though he sees his brothers and sister in their beds he just couldnt work out how to lie down to sleep. Hes so used to his sleeping bad.

Obviously i need to move him into a bed soon just think thats a whole other thread.

I feel he is such a baby still mentally, unlike my other kids who I managed to wean off and put in beds. 🤔

Hubby says he cant function without sleep and he finds it hard to go back to sleep after waking. He is a manager so has alot of responsibility..

I try cups etc, he has a special teddy and blanket etc and eventually it calms him down and he will go to sleep (for like ten mins before waking again).

If he could get back into his cot on his own i would just leave him to cry but because hes in the bag he cant get back in.

Maybe I'll try weaning him off the bag and see if that helps .

Just his screaming will wake the others who have school next day.

Gro clock wouldnt work on my kid, he just wants his nah nahs.

We used that with our older kids and they just messed about and unplugged the damn thing!

Start on a Friday night - should only take 3 nights so your husband will only be tired for one day (assuming he gets some weekends off). It’s pretty unsafe having him in a cot when he can climb out - can you take the side off his cot? Failing that a small toddler bed? I’d be tempted to do the move to a bed and duvet and wean all at the same time. It’s going to be a few shit nights but then it’s done. But you’ll struggle to do this without your husband getting over being a dick.

@welshweasel 👍🏻😂 yes thats a very good idea actually, i'll impose propose the idea of starting friday night.

My 22mo has been on a floor mattress since 12mo and a single bed since 17mo. He loves his sleeping bag (it's a real sleep association) and he's been fine in it.

However, he doesn't get off the bed. In the morning he just sits on his bed and shouts to me!

Have you read the Jay Gordon method for night weaning - might be worth a search. What helped us was reducing the duration of night feeds by feeding for half the usual time and saying "Mummy is running out of milk, let's snuggle while I make some more". It was a lot less stressful all round than outright refusal and he gradually became less in need of milk and more willing to accept cuddles instead.

That said it's more than 2 years since we night weaned (18 months since total weaning) and he's still not a great sleeper! He's certainly better than he was (once or twice a night rather than 6-8 times), but I have the eyebags to prove that night weaning doesn't always fix a child's sleep. I'm not saying don't try, but don't break yourself trying to night wean, because it may not make as much difference as you hope. We spent a lot of effort trying to improve his sleep and while some of it probably helped I think I made things unnecessarily hard at times, and some things just improve naturally with age.