Help/advice? Two week old won't sleep except on us.

[Macey89]

My DS is just over 2 weeks old and utterly adorable, but he won't sleep anywhere that isn't mine or my DH's arms. When we're cuddling him he can sometimes happily nap for 3 hours or so, but he won't tolerate being put down on his back at all, anywhere. If he's in a very deep sleep we have occasionally managed to transfer him to the Sleepyhead, but by the time we get him to this stage he's barely down for any length of time at all before his next feed is due and he's awake again. He seems to have trouble with wind and spends ages kicking and straining before he finally manages to squeeze out a few farts. HV thought he had silent reflux and we've been using infacol and infant gaviscon but with no real effect that I've seen. He's exclusively breastfed and each feed can last up to 45 minutes. I'm constantly awake with him, day and night and feel like I'm going crazy. I've been resorting to dozing with him on my chest propped up with lots of pillows so that I can get enough sleep to still function but I know this isn't safe. Would be happy to try co sleeping but as far as I can tell this still involves him settling on his back so won't work. He hates being swaddled and will scream and wiggle until he manages to get an arm free. We've tried raising one end of the crib but it's made no difference and he still won't sleep in it. I've tried extended periods of burping to try and relieve wind and keeping him upright for 30 minutes after a feed, but this just makes him fussy and upset and unable to settle, so we just eventually end up starting the whole change/feed cycle again to help him calm down. Today he's been up crying and fussing since 6.30am and hasn't had longer than an hour asleep in our arms at any point, and I know he must be overtired and making it worse. We've been taking it in turns to stay up with him at night but DH goes back to work tomorrow and it's going to be mostly on me to deal with the night shift as well as all day, and I'm dreading it. I don't know what to do. I can't physically stay up with him 24 hours a day. People keep telling me to nap when he naps, but when he only naps on me this seems impossible?! I know he's still little and just wants to be close to us, and I love the sleepy cuddles, but I just don't know how I'm physically going to get through the next few weeks/days or what else to try. Any advice much appreciated!

Oh - I remember it well. You poor thing. It will pass.

We used to put a hot water bottle into the Moses basket for a few mins before we put dd in. Made the transition easier especially when it's cold.

Ended up co-sleeping. She still woke up loads but was settled enough to sleep cause I was so close.

I co sleep and lay down to feed so they aren't disturbed, just pull your nipple out when they've stopped sucking.

I'd try the following while co-sleeping to get you past the "won't settle on his back" issue: feed him lying down. He's on his side facing you. You have your bottom arm cradled above his head and your top arm cuddling his body. Once he's fed and settled you ease him onto his back, keeping your arms around him. It makes the change much less noticeable for him and he still feels cocooned in your arms.

And wear a lovely warm dressing gown, some jogging bottoms and then have a light blanket to your waist to stop you freezing!

I had this same problem. I lost my mind with sleep deprivation. I’ve never felt worse. He wouldn’t sleep on his back for about 3 weeks. It only really improved when I started topping up his feeds with formula, particularly at night. It was like opium. I think we gave infacol before every feed. He would then cry himself off to sleep in the Moses basket next to me. I never co-slept because of the risks but there’s massive pressure to do it because of the lack of sleep. I know how terrible you feel. It will slowly get better.

I had the same problem and still do to an extent. Feeding while laying down was a godsend.

FWIW my midwife told me I could Co sleep. Just make sure to put pillows at edge of bed so DS couldn't wriggle off the bed.

He's coming up to 1yr now and I'm starting to think he needs to go in his cot.. But he takes after me and is a really terrible sleeper...

This is completely normal - he's been inside you for so long, that comfort is everything to him. It will pass and you will get sleep again but it is so very tough. I also hated those people who said nap when the baby naps!

I would try co-sleeping, follow the guidelines and the advice above. I did it on and off for a few months just to retain some of my sanity. It's the major perk of breastfeeding for me and I'd do it much sooner next time.

Congratulations on your lovely DS. I couldn’t get the hang of feeding laying down (I think because I am small chested) and DS has never wanted to co sleep. We used a cocoonababy which he loved, and kept him in a slightly elevated position. With regard to swaddling, you mention that he will scream until he manages to get an arm free - we used Love To Dream swaddle suits and they were fabulous. Much easier than swaddling with a cloth and virtually inescapable. I think having the baby swaddled makes it easier to transfer, as they are less likely to startle when you move them.

Thanks everyone for the advice! Will give swaddling another go. I haven't attempted feeding lying down yet but will give it a go. We're attempting to put him down in a next to me crib at the moment - and with me keeping a hand on his tummy and comforting and white noise playing we got almost two hours earlier so some progress! Still not much sleep for me though! Holding on to the fact that everyone says this does get better!

I only found out about this when DD was older but you can swaddle them with their hands up near their ears. It means they can suck their fists if they want to but are still well cocooned. YouTube have some good videos and it's apparently how they do swaddling in France!

Also, I found lying DD in the Sleepyhead once asleep (give it 15 minutes or so on you) and then lying next to her in it so she could still hear me breathing, I could get a nap in. But I do remember this stage well and also hated people who told me to sleep when she did - you can't if they'll only sleep on top of you. It's so hard.

It took us a while to get to the sleeping next to me in the Sleepyhead stage but by a month old, she'd spend half the night in it (between feeds) which was a big improvement! PS - DD has a dairy allergy. We only found out at 5 months (long story) but it's worth considering. I found I could hear her gulping lot when she was in the sling on me. Looking back, it's obvious but we didn't realise at the time.