Comforting in cot - help

[Babababanana]

Hello - first post, looking for a bit of advice or reassurance.

My 9 month old wakes up a lot in the night. We hold him to sleep for naps and bedtime and then put him in his cot and this works fine, but during the night he's becoming impossible to transfer back to the cot. He's asleep, we put him down, he wakes up - this can happen 4 or 5 times each wake up.

So last night I tried to comfort him IN his cot. He had a feed on his first wake up in case he was hungry, second time I just gave him a cuddle then popped him back in. I then sat next to the cot with a hand on him, shhing and gently telling him to lie down, lying him back down myself when I needed to.

It took over an hour both times. He cried a lot before he went to sleep. Has anyone taken an approach like this and had any success? Did it take long? Do I need to do the same thing for naps and bedtime?

Any advice for a very tired mummy would be lovely!

Hopeful bump

I'm a nanny and what you're now doing is great! Keep at it, reassuring him in his cot , putting him down awake. It will get easier, but you have to be consistent. It will soon get quicker, it may take a few nights but it will work. X

Hello, I'm sorry you're having issues but I think you're doing the right thing, if your end game is for him to self settle in his own cot and not be in your bed.

Babies cry and perhaps he is in the habit now of being fed and going back to sleep with you holding him. At 9 months old he shouldn't need feeding in the night anymore I don't think, so his waking and crying is just a habit.

Its up to how you feel about this but you could try leaving it for much longer before you actually go in and then leaving much quicker and leaving him to cry for a bit. In my experience babies quickly learn to self settle if they are given the chance to. x

Thank you both... it's nice to hear from other people, I'm a first time mum surrounded by people with amazing sleeping babies so good to get some reassurance as to what we're trying!

@BigusBumus I've been trying to leave him a bit longer before I go to him but he gets so wound up, same if we go in and out. But yes we definitely want him to settle in his own bed! We'll keep persevering with trying to give him time to self settle.

I did exactly this. Bit later at a year old but DS had had a year of being held to sleep by then so was possibly in a very bad habit.

It does work, is nice and gentle and I didn’t feel like I was torturing him. He was fed, dry, clean and definitely wanted to sleep so just sat on bed next to cot and put my hand on his back. Don’t get me wrong, we sometimes still have to do it now but he’s in bed by 7.30pm rather than battling to sleep at 11pm in someone’s arms which is obviously preferable!

Tonight has been awful. He's been awake for 2 hours just thinking it's playtime while I sit next to the cot and try and shhh and get him to lay down.

At one point I had to leave the room for 10 mins as I couldn't sit there any longer - he cried furiously and managed to get himself out of his sleeping bag and then as soon as I went back in was laughing again.

I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to end up co-sleeping with him tonight just to try and get some sleep for everyone but that isn't a long term option for us so not a habit I want to try and get into but I just don't know what else to do

Hi OP, hope you got some sleep. I don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I could have written your post! The other night my DD (also 9 months) was awake and happy with me sat there for 3 hours! I'm currently holding her while she goes back to sleep again, I've done this 3x in the past hour and the moment I put her down she's awake.

I read that at this point in their development, their little brains are so wired that it's like the night before your wedding or a big exam for us. They're not being "naughty" (which it definitely feels like sometimes!), they just genuinely can't sleep with all of the activity going on in their heads. This has helped me to be more patient but I've definitely been so frustrated I've had to walk away. My DH does the weekend nights and will take over if it's a particularly hard week night.

This is hard and so tiring for you. Could you try working on day time naps and beginning to put him down awake. He needs to learn to self soothe and might be easier for you to try in the day? Hope you get some rest soon.

Thank you both. I bought him in with me in the end where he eventually went to sleep at about 2am. He'd woken up at 11.10.

@hodgeheg92 hope you got back to bed soon after your message. It's so so hard isn't it. How long has this been going on for you?

@Freco010 I have been thinking that but the trouble is he will happily not nap so I'm not convinced he'd ever go. Guess it's worth giving it a go though!

Feel for you. My 10 month old is the same.... regularly waking up for at least an hour in the early hours. I'm back to work and shattered. Although I wouldn't wish it on anyone it's reassuring to know you're not in it alone. 3am can be a horrible place :(

I thought 2 hour wakings were bad enough but 3 hours and not being able to settle him back into his cot are killing me. You're right @Catheroooo the nights can feel very lonely. My husband is very much involved but neither of us have any idea what we can possibly do to help him sleep at this point. I'm not asking for a full nights sleep but I never thought it would be like this

I find it’s not the waking it’s the not settling too that’s really hard. Someone once told me that often babies are put down when they are overtired in the day and then struggle to sleep. If you see a yawn or eye rub it’s time to go in the cot straight away to settle. Hope it gets better in time.

I'm going through similar it's my 7 month old. He wakes at least 8 times a night and at least 5 of those times will need feeding back to sleep. I really think it's developmental as he is gradually becoming worse the more mobile he gets and it really feels like he has too much going on in his brain to sleep properly. In the space of about three weeks he has learnt to crawl, sit up and pull himself up so I can understand it but it doesn't make it any easier, I also have a three year old so don't want the baby to wake him up. I don't really have much advice other than to say you aren't alone. I'm absolutely at my wits end! I have tried shushing and patting and settling in his cot but he gets so irate and keeps crawling into the sides of his cot and hurting himself trying to get to me. I'm probably too soft but the sound of him crying so desperately for me just kills me so I often end up feeding him. Hope you get some suggestions soon x

@Fuzzyduck21 yes, mine has learned to walk in the last few weeks and sleep has definitely got much, much worse. I also think I've probably made it worse by responding too quickly in the past, but feel the same as you about listening to him cry. And now he gets out of his sleeping bag and walks around in the cot, it feels like we have no hope of him self settling.

@Freco010 it's definitely the not settling that makes it much worse, I feel very hopeless when hours are passing and he just can't / won't go back to sleep. It's as if once he's had four or five hours he needs a long awake spell before he's tired enough to go back to sleep. Day naps are a bit hit and miss at the moment but no where near as bad as nights

With my first I actually ended up getting into the cot as that was the only way I could sleep, he wouldn't cry and eventually self settled while I dozed! I wouldnt recommend this and really don't want to start doing this with my number 2 but it did work but you'll be doing it for the rest of time....we still have to get into bed with eldest for 10 mins while he falls asleep at age 3. Could be worse tho! X

Agree with day naps being hit and miss. Same with us. I'm trying to get him to sleep better in the day as apparently sleep breeds sleep! An overtired baby is a baby that won't sleep- in my experience. What time does yours go to sleep? Mine is shattered at 7pm bedtime but thought we could bring it forward in the hope he won't be so exhausted but then he already wants to wake for the day at 4 something so worried this will move it even earlier. I suppose it would be worth trying...things can't get much worse! X

What time does he wake from his last daytime nap @Babababanana?
This could make a difference as I discovered with my first.

For my first, we did similar to you. Reassuring hand on chest but no words. Just stayed completely silent. Took 4/5 nights. First night she screamed for about 25 mins, second night about 20 mins, 3rd night around 10 until night 4/5 and she went down straight away. Granted, she was a lot younger than your DS but she has slept through (11-12 hours) ever since - that was 5 years ago.

For my second, he loved something against his face so we used an organic muslin and I'd wear it on my person (e.g. around my neck) for a bit every few days so he could smell me. He was easier to get into a sleep routine and we didn't really have any bother with getting him to sleep or to sleep through the night. He's now 2.5.

I should say, both of mine took a dummy (praise the Lord).

Does he have 'down time' before bed?

I should clarify, DS likes the muslin just on the side of his face, next to his cheek. Not completely covering his face!! 

We were on a pretty solid daytime nap routine of 1.5 hours at around 8.30, and 1.5 hours at around 1.30. It was becoming harder and harder to get him down for his lunchtime nap so we've been limiting his morning sleep to around 45 mins. Most of the time this means he'll have 1.5 hours in the afternoon and I'll wake him if he's not awake by 3.

But a few days in the last week he's still refused to go down for his lunchtime nap so has gone the whole day on 45 mins / an hour in the morning.

Bedtime he has a bath, into pjs (he hates this bit, because he just wants to walk around still), a story and then a bottle. Then he always has the same short 'good night' story, white noise on and we hold him until he falls asleep. We can transfer him into cot without any problem most of the time at bedtime. If he goes in awake he just jumps back up even if he'd been practically asleep seconds before. We aim for 7pm bedtime (bit earlier if it's been one of the terrible nap days).

Naps we do into sleeping bag, always the same story, white noise on and then held to sleep again before putting into cot.

He does have a comforter, which I think he knows means sleeptime and he does snuggle into it, but it doesn't seem to be making any difference at night.

The comforting in cot worked to some extent on night 1, took an hour and then 1hr20 but he did go back to sleep in cot eventually after a lot of crying and us continually laying him back down. Last night was a different story. He was wide awake for 2.5 hours, crying when we laid him down or left the room but otherwise happy. Took half an hour to drop off when I finally caved in and bought him into our bed. I know I'm supposed to be consistent but I couldn't do it any longer

Could also be the 9/10 months sleep regression

It's been happening since my LO turned 8 months on and off, so nearly 2 months now 😱 Some nights she sleeps through, I tried tracking her daytime sleep to see if the sleep breeds sleep theory was true for her and sometimes it is but sometimes it isn't.

I like the sound of what glutten managed but like you babababanana I just do anything for the short term easy life. At least the clock change couldn't make it any worse 😭🤣

2.5 hours so far tonight trying to get him to settle. I don't know what to do!!

Ahh, we have something similar! My 6 month old will wake up pretty much hourly and will happily feed and go straight to sleep on me, but when I transfer him to the cot (right by my bed) he wakes up and flaps his arms and cries, so I pick him up and start again. I'm exhausted and this has come from nowhere. I made a hot water bottle to warm his bed in the night last night in case it was the transfer from my warm body to his cold bed, but I think he just wants to be held. I have to pick him up straight away because we have a toddler who might wake up (and neighbours!).
Totally sympathising with you x

My lo is 9 months and I could have written your post.