4yo sleep problems

[Haypanky]

My just turned 4yo has totally lost it with her sleep. For example twice this week she's been up for a couple of wees (this is an excuse) then becomes wide awake, wants me to stay with her, when I haven't, she gets out of bed, I take her back and tuck her in, repeat for an hour, things escalate, she gets loud, I eventually end up shutting her door, she screams, cries, pleads, I open it again, normally after +2hrs she will go to sleep. I haven't got it in me to keep doing this, last night I let her sleep in a nest in our floor. But even then she was checking I'm there all night, talking, asking for things.

Things have gradually gotten worse since the beginning of September. The start of the problem was anxiety about changing childcare providers. Then we went on holiday for a week and she was awful, crying to go home every night, I ended up in with her and even then she was up and down all night every night. She has always sucked on comforters all night and unfortunately she then got a nasty mouth infection and we had to take them away. She is 'over' that now but we can't get her sleep back on an even keel. I try to make sure she gets enough attention in the day, I took Monday off work to spend some one on one time with her. She has reward charts but isn't motivated by them. I've taken birthday toys away. I've cancelled playdates.

This is affecting her behaviour, she gets hyper when she's tired. And I feel like a shell of a woman.

Please help!

Ah, poor girl, something is bothering her.

I know it's tough on you, but closing her door on her for 2 hours isn't going to help while she screams. She's only been on this planet for 48 months, she's still only little.

But, At 4 she is old enough to talk to her about what's going on. I'd start by telling her how much you love her and what a wonderful girl she is. Then I'd say so, we need to chat about bedtimes. You're having trouble sleeping and we need to sort it out because everyone needs a good nights sleep. So what's up? What's bothering you? And talk to her. Explain that she's safe, that you're just downstairs and can hear her. That it's not long till you can have a lovely morning cuddle. Try and find out what's wrong. Is it the new childcare? Find out about her day.

Is her room lit up enough? Is she warm enough? Could a new thing for her room help her out?

It might be a case of going very gently with her for a couple of weeks until it's sorted, butnit wont last forever, especially as you're trying to help her.

Hope she's ok.

Thanks. Have tried all those things on a daily basis. She's old enough to explain to and seems mature for her years, but I think this is an emotional reaction so I can't logic her through it if you see what I mean.

Just to clarify I haven't shut her in for 2hrs, more like 2mins as a 'threat' to stop her continuously getting straight out of bed.

I think this had a legitimate reason to start with but now it's almost habit. I went through a long stage of sitting in her room with her until she fell asleep, then downgraded this to 'checks' which I planned on leaving longer and longer between, 2mins worked but she wouldn't wait 5mins between them, she'd call me and/or get out of bed. This isn't at bedtime, it's in the middle of the night. She actually goes to bed fine. I ended up doing 'checks' for hours every night, she'd fall asleep then after an hour she'd be up again back to the beginning, and ready to start the day at 5:30. So I decided I needed to knock the checks on the head and here we are now.

Ah, phew! I read it a couple of times to check I'd got it right! Sorry.

I suspect until you find the root cause of what's bothering her you're in for a shit time.

You could always throw bedtime put of the window. Get a portable DVD player and put it n her room and let her watch till she falls asleep?

@twoscentedgins thank you for trying to help. Am a bit broken so sorry if I seem tatty! She goes to sleep fine at bedtime, this is in the middle of the night 😴

@twoginscentedtears lol someone else is going to get a random tag there!

My eldest has just turned 4. He is in our bed every night, he goes to sleep fine in his own bed but comes into us every night at some stage.

Would you be willing to let her sleep in with you when she wakes?

Ha! Let's see if they've got any ideas!

Not ratty, I'd be upset if someone thought I'd shut my ds in his room while he screamed too!

I'm not really willing to let her sleep in our bed, there's not enough room and I have a 1.5yo so need to get up to him as needed, plus h has to get up earlier than everyone else to go to work and would wake her... Whenever I have shared a bed or a room with her, I just don't feel like either of us actually gets much sleep!

Am considering her sleeping with me and h sleeping in her bed, but it feels like that won't solve things and could be making a rod for our own backs

I can't think of anything better than going back to sitting with her, downgrading to frequent checks, then trying to make them longer. I thought it was killing me slowly before but it was better than this.

If anyone has experienced any similar issues or got any suggestions, I'd love to hear zzz

No advice as going through the same thing with both my 8yo & 4yo.
They both go off to sleep in their own bedrooms fine, they wake up normally between 11-12.
8yo has been like this since Jan & now just gets the throw off our bed & sleeps on our bedroom floor. 4yo has just started this in the last week of just crying & as we don't want to wake 8yo up she comes in bed with us.
We have tried practically everything, mine & DP's relationship is at breaking point, I'm so fed up of saying the same shit to them every night...I really do understand, there's nothing more frustrating

@misscalamity, feel your pain!!! We're just letting things calm for a fortnight while we regroup, which means me sitting by dd's bed quietly every time she wakes then sneaking off. The pro is, no confrontation. The con is, I don't feel like we're going to fix it this way. Nights and nights of getting up at 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... So tired and fed up.