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Sleep

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Original poster

HOW to help a newborn sleep alone?

27 replies

Isadora2007 · 25/10/2018 21:04

I haven’t a clue how to get a teeny one off to sleep without being held. If he is put down he starts wriggling and grunting then cries and then takes ages to settle again so no one sleeps- but if he sleeps on someone he will sleep for up to a 4/5 hour stretch overnight.
It’s exhausting us both as we share the nights and neither gets more than 5 hours broken sleep a night.
He is EBF and nearly 5 weeks old.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Madwomanuptheroad · 25/10/2018 21:14

Co-sleeping? At least you LL get sleep and won't be so exhausted.

FinallyGotAnIPhone · 25/10/2018 21:15

Swaddling and a dummy?

Catsize · 25/10/2018 21:16

Co-sleeping is your (very best) friend.

Caspiana · 25/10/2018 21:17

If you can afford one, a sleepyhead did the trick for us. Went from screaming when we put her down to sleeping for 3 hours in an instant!

PotteringAlong · 25/10/2018 21:18

He’s 5 weeks old. He’s not meant to sleep alone! Google the 4th trimester

Believeitornot · 25/10/2018 21:18

Well he’s only just getting used to the world. He’s a little vulnerable baby, of course he needs you to feel safe to sleep.

I nearly killed myself trying to get ds to sleep in his cot as a baby. I gave up and safely co slept with dd from the beginning (my second baby), also learned to feed lying down - made life so much easier!!!

Better to safely Co sleep than fall asleep with them on you on a sofa/chair etc.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/10/2018 21:20

Op your LO is only 5 wks old, he will learn in time but for now co-sleeping was great for us.

Madwomanuptheroad · 25/10/2018 21:26

Pick your battles- this one you won't win. He was part of your body until recently. He has no concept of object permanency. Of course he does not want to sleep alone. It is cold, lonely and scary.

QueenofmyPrinces · 25/10/2018 21:31

He’s 5 weeks old - poor little lamb.
He just wants his mummy because you are what makes him feel safe in his new scary world.

It’s complwtejy normal abc understandable for newborns to want to be near their mum when it’s quiet and dark at night. It is exhausting, you have my sympathy on that front, but trying to force a 5 week old baby to sleep alone isn’t a fight you can win and not a fight that should take place either.

I think I co-slept with my son from when he was about 4 weeks old and I loved having him so close to me when he slept and I also felt really relaxed because I knew he felt safe and secure next to me.

Congratulations on your new baby OP - sleep deprivation is vile x x

Nothisispatrick · 25/10/2018 21:37

We have a sleepyhead. Four week old DD is great with it.

sittingonacornflake · 25/10/2018 21:39

Co sleep and feed lying down. Life changing.

Catsize · 25/10/2018 22:14

Three in a Bed by Deborah Jackson was amazing. And I'm not usually in favour of this kind of book. It's an interesting read though, even if not a parent.

sweetkitty · 25/10/2018 22:17

I remember asking the same thing on here about 14 odd years ago. We ended cosleeping for 15 months (and conceived DD2) went on to have another two all coslept for over a year, went into a bed of their own fine when the time came. it’s such a small part of parenting, cuddle your little boy and treasure it.

Original poster

Isadora2007 · 26/10/2018 00:03

If he is cuddled in but lying down he just wants to feed and then he pukes it all as he is lying down. If he is burped he still wants to just feed and feed. I think he might have some reflux as he seems very windy and gulps a lot. But doesn’t seem in pain- just discomfort. He has a next to me Chicco bed thing but won’t even settle in there as he just wriggles etc. I just wondered how to build up to him not sleeping on an actual human body- gently and not ever “being left alone”... just not being actually held or on a boob as he just can’t seem to stop feeding even when it makes him sore and sick.

OP posts:

riddles26 · 26/10/2018 01:55

I'm about 10 days behind you and have found 2 things that work with my DC (also ebf) who absolutely refused to let me put her down from the moment we got home from hospital (unless in my bed).

Either co-sleeping which many others have suggested or recreating the womb experience with a tight swaddle, movement and white noise to get them to sleep. Ive personally found the second option then placing in a sleepyhead has worked and she's gradually going down in there for longer and longer. The key to it working is swaddling so tight that they can't escape, watch a few youtube videos on how to get it that tight or invest in a foolproof swaddle - expect him to resist initially by fidgeting but he will calm down and fall asleep.

We started off co-sleeping but she is also windy and needs to be well burped after each feed; she would wake when I put her in my bed after being burped and want the breast to fall asleep again, resulting in more wind...

LadyCassandra · 26/10/2018 03:45

I’m on baby number 3 and after a shocking second baby, i’ve been concentrating on daytime sleeps. I swaddle and put down with a dummy. I’ve found that trying to notice the tired signs in advance is good, so she doesn’t cry when she’s put down and self settles. If she doesn’t settle straight away I rock or pat her. For the first few weeks we co-slept at night if she didn’t settle but she is now 15 weeks and is doing really well.
I got a really good book by Tresilian which is an organisation in Australia that help new mums with sleeping. I actually went to one of their clinics with my second. You might be able to get it from Amazon.
Remember he’s still getting used to being out of your tummy so be kind to yourself.

blackcat86 · 26/10/2018 03:53

Try putting him down when he's mostly but not completely asleep and see what happens. I used to give DD 10-20mins to see if she just went to sleep. If at any point she was distressed (Not just a little grizzle) I'd pick her up, comfort and settle her. We've always transferred her to her cot when she's fallen asleep. We started at 4 weeks.

GummyGoddess · 26/10/2018 07:56

Dc2 refused his cot. He's now 5 months old and sleeps in his sleepyhead for the first part of the night before coming into bed with me. He won't sleep just laying on the bed, he wants to sleep on his side with his head on my arm. He is getting better, it's just very slow going.

Smurfybubbles · 26/10/2018 08:04

Hi OP it's also completely ok to not want to co sleep it's not for everyone! You say you think he might have reflux have you tried propping up one end of the cot? The next to me can be adjusted on both sides so leave one side higher than the other and see if it helps. Also if you can keep him upright for 20 mins after a feed to let it settle.

Sleep with his blanket/swaddle one night so your smell transfers to it, this can also help them settle as they feel you are near, smells are very important to a newborn.

Swaddling also provides some comfort for them but not all babies like it, DS hated being swaddled. If you're really stuck a Sleepyhead is amazing DS settled in his no problem but they are pricey. DS grew out of his pretty quickly but by that point he was ok after a few nights of thrashing around without one.

ShackUp · 26/10/2018 08:06

Google 4th trimester. He's been in your womb for 9 months, he won't want to sleep apart from you.

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 26/10/2018 21:48

We're currently going through the same OP!
Our son is 7 weeks old, and will only sleep either on us, in a sling, or pushed in the pram at a brisk pace.

I understand the 4th trimester, we seem to be ticking all the boxes, but does anyone know how to cope with it??

Like literally, how do you survive?!!!

Daytime is ok, he happily naps in the sling, but the night's are killing us. At the moment my husband and I are taking it in shifts to sit on the couch with him sleeping on us overnight, and it's we're just getting to the end of our tether.

We've got a sleepyhead, hasn't worked so far, swaddling hadn't really helped much, ditto for putting a worn t-shirt in. He's mostly BF, except for 1 formula feed in the early morning my husband gives him to let me sleep. We also had a session of cranial osteopathy this afternoon, but the osteopath didn't seem overly concerned that anything was wrong, so I'm on the fench with that one.

Sadly, the only place he seems to sleep on his own is alongside me on the couch on a feather pillow of mine, which is really not recommended so I don't for any longer than a few minutes.

Sorry for rambling, I'm averaging 4.5 hrs of sleep a day and am completely obsessing over this!

pastabest · 26/10/2018 21:56

Time

Sorry.

For now just grit your teeth and get through it. It's not forever and when they are snotty 18 month olds screaming nooooooooooo at you and kicking you, you will wish you had made more of the unputtable down days.

LadyCassandra · 27/10/2018 00:07

^definitely this!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 06/11/2018 02:36

Thanks for the replies, I know it's going to take time.

But literally how do we start off moving to sleeping being put down? I know this is the million $ question, but what worked for you in this situation??

I've tried co-sleeping, but as soon as he's out my arms he wakes, it's so frustrating and isolating. All I want to do is sleep in the same bed as my husband at the same time!

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 06/11/2018 02:48

Ah, I just noticed another more recent thread with some stories on how people did it, but any more experiences are welcome!

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