am I a bad dad?

[krust1980]

we've our 1st child, happy and bouncy mostly. they're hitting 6 months and started weaning, loving veg so far.

night times hit and they scream the house down, till rocked to sleep. put in Moses basket, dummy...sleeps couple hours if we're lucky. sometimes dummy back in works, sometimes it's mass screaming fit, stretching like mad and not settling for a good couple hours.

currently I'm in the spare room as I've gotten over tired, no straight sleep for a good few months and work starts at 7am through till 4, or 5, or 7...depends on how busy it is in the office. I've a 30+ mile drive to get there and due to tiredness, had some iffy moments in the car.

I love and live for my child and wife, I'm scared I'm doing something wrong to have the constant ups and downs on a night however :(

It’s not your fault. A year later my kid hasn’t slept more than the odd 2 hour stint. It’s hard.
Have you looked into why your baby is upset could he be in pain? Just you mentioned stretching.
My baby just wants to be held and not be in the cot. (My fault for entertaining co sleeping)

Is the baby breastfed? I found mine didn’t sleep through until I put them in their own room and moved onto bottles. Think we were all keeping each other awake.

Could it be reflux? Or maybe baby would benefit from cranial osteopathy (my brother had this done for his DD and it definitely helped).

One thing I would say, 6 months is too old for a Moses basket - needs to be a proper solid cot. Are they kicking off blankets etc - maybe a baby sleeping bag grobag type thing would help?

Good luck.

That’s a good point.. Moses baskets are rubbish and uncomfortable. Much better in a cot with a lovely comfy baby mattress and space

And obvs you don’t want to be driving when you’re so tired but bear in mind your wife is also doing a very important job and potentially driving your baby around so be sure to share the lie ins when available.

Cauliflower used to give my babies trapped wind. Gripe water helped a lot, as did stopping hiving then cauliflower.

Stretching can be a sign of over-tiredness. Try a dummy, pref attached to a toy (there's a bunny with Velcro paws just for this purpose) so that your baby can find it at night.

they're now on bottles as wouldn't latch on, wife managed four+ months expressing, which was awe inspiring.

most mornings I get up with the little one and let/try to let the better half sleep as best she can too. Weekends I'll go downstairs out the way and let her sleep as much as possible.

Little one had colic, so sometimes think that's not fully gone, gripe water seems to help majorly with that...

we're stand offish for putting her in the cor in her room as she's not mastered putting the dummy back in yet..or are we just being over cautious and should take that step?

Also, she's in growbags now, best invention ever...

day time naps tend to be at random times...20-30 mins at max usually

Friday night and Saturday night. Do you do some of the waking?

Id move on to the cot. It may not help the sleeping (worth a shot though) but if your Moses basket is one of the traditional ones where you pop it on a stand, I’d be really worried about a 6MO rolling and tipping it. May have been coincidence but my DD started sleeping through when we moved her out of the Moses basket and into the big cot in her own room.

Most nights, unless I'm completely dead, I'll either make the bottle or feed/change, regardless of weekend or weeknight. If i know the better half is knackered, I'll send her into the spare room, regardless of the day of the week so that she can get rest. I don't think (hopefully at least) I'm selfish that way. Just mostly looking for sleep advice..

she's teething, so a mix of anbesol & boots teething powders seem to help....might broach the cot idea tomorrow, as we've got the angelcare monitors and a decent night vision camera

6 months is far to old to be in Moses basket. She'll sit up soon and possibly could fall out of it. My DD wouldn't sleep in her Moses Moses basket from 9 days old. Unless yourMoses basket is huge then every time baby moves while asleep she'll hit the edge of the basket and wake herself up. If you don't want baby in her own room I would buy a cot and put it in your room for now, if space is tight Ikea do very reasonably priced cots and do small ones :)

I think the support your showing wife etc over sleep is fantastic 

Will fall out of it* sorry!

day time naps tend to be at random times...20-30 mins at max usually

A set routine is a lifesaver. I loved Gina Ford.

What time is bedtime for baby? And how does he/ she fall asleep in the day? It could well be they are getting over tired which would explain the screaming at night before sleep. With my 2nd I went through a week where she was waking every 20 mins in the day and someone advised me she was over tired and this meant she couldn't get into a deep sleep cycle. I took a couple of days to focus in day time sleep - I worked my schedule around her sleep, made sure there were no interruptions, she was going to bed in her cot, not falling asleep in a bouncer or car etc and within a couple of days she was back to having 1-2 hour day naps which in turn meant she was having a better night's sleep. Maybe something to think about.
I think it sounds like you are doing a really good job - keep going and try to find a sleep solution that works for you and your wife until perhaps a better sleep pattern is established. We block sleep so I go to bed early (between 8pm-9pm) and my husband is on baby duty until 12am. Then we switch and I have until 6am, then I go back to bed for an hour until he leaves for work. Appreciate you are out earlier than that but you could do until 11pm then clock back on at 5am perhaps? And lastly, my 1st moved into a cot in his own room at 4 months and my 2nd at 3 months! We found we all slept much better like this as we fidnt disturb each other. good luck x

Things to think about:
If the baby isn’t napping enough she may be very overtired. For naps I used the ‘anything goes’ approach- Feed/rock/hold/cuddle to sleep till night time sleep is sorted.
I would think reflux and eliminate physical causes.
What time is bedtime and does the baby have a good bedtime routine?
Is the baby falling asleep with the dummy in her mouth? Can we try to eliminate that or reduce that? (look up the Pantley Pull Off).
I would also second moving to the cot.

Basically it sounds like baby can’t connect sleep cycles and is waking up, flailing, confused and looking for the dummy every time.
I would do things step by step- so bedtime routine, nice big bottle of milk before bed, reduce reliance on the dummy (or get rid of it altogether) and try some sort of shush pat method.

Will work on the cot this week. wife sounded against it as tonight was a bad night...Little one up and down all night (I've been up with her since 5am) and thinks that it'd be worse..

bedtime is around 8pm, bath every other day at 7ish, slow chill down then sleep. Top up bottle around 10ish if we head to bed then, dummy is dependant on whether she falls asleep again during the feed.

thanks for all the advice too